Saturday, June 30, 2007

A different pace





Thank you to each and everyone of you who have been and will continue to pray for Matt and Emily and their girls. I'ev had some emails asking about how "I'm doing" and what is going on in my life, so I thought I'd answer that.

I'm doing ok. Seriously I've cried a lot the last few days and I know my tears don't even measure Emily's. When you've lost a child, you don't want that for anyone else...even your worst enemy, much less one of your best friends. I am kind of at a loss for words in many ways when it comes to this subject. I know that seems humorous to some of you, but well even when you've lost a child, you still don't know exactly what to say. Some people want to hear "I'm sorry" and recieve the hugs", then there are some who like me just get sick of it and think if I hear that one more time or if one more person touches me I'm going to slap them silly. I was one of those latter people. It was exhausting that whole week from the time Jordyn died until her funeral and burial. So anyways...I've dealt with a lot of feelings that I just wish Emily didn't have to deal with.




Pregnancy wise, I'm feeling good well as good as a 33 almost 34 week pregnant woman can feel. I'm starting to have a good amount of discomfort in many places from my back aching at the end of the day to stretching of ligaments and unmentionable places, which is rather painful. But all the discomfort in the world is worth it. I have felt so blessed from the beginning of this pregnancy. I have had baby fevor for a couple years, so when we got pregnant so quickly I was truly so excited and just praise God for the blessing he gave our family. I think Jackson doesn't really believe a baby is ever going to come out of this deal! Hard to understand at 3 yrs old! But in 3 or 4 weeks she's going to be here! That is also amazing. This pregnancy has just flown by. I can't believe I'm almost done with this pregnancy. None of them have went by so quickly.



We're still working on a name. I have a favorite name and Chad says it's fine but there's some strings attached to it that I need to cover first. Either way you won't find out until she's here and I know I've probably just totally annoyed Miss Kelly for bringing it up again, but well suck it up woman! Of course my other Kelly's Green Olives & Pickle Juice thinks it's fun to give me suggestions. She's a brat but I love her anyways! LOL I'm NOT naming her after you! ;)



The boys are doing great. Jacob had a friend sleep over last night. I actually went and picked "S" up from school. He is an Army kid, but goes to a German school. He's a year older than Jacob, but they get along so great. He's just a really great boy. His mom had a drs apt 20 minutes before his school let out, so she knew there'd be no way she'd make it to get him, especially since her apt was in another part of town at that! Jacob and "S" were thrilled that they were going to have a playdate! By the time "S" mom came they'd asked if he could stay longer, both of us mom's were fine with it. She took her little "E" home for a nap and my 2  boys and "S" played for a few more hours and then Jacob came out to ask if "S" could spend the night. I called his mom and she was fine with it, excited that he got invited. She brought his clothes over later that evening and the kids had a great time playing. They played hard too. They all ate dinner so good. My boys are good eaters, but normally one serving is all they do unless it's something like pizza or mac and cheese (Mac and Cheese being Jacob's favorite!) they'll eat 2nd of but that's normally about it. Last night I made Miny Cheddar loaves (meat loaf), mashed potatoes, and corn. Yes I know 2 starches. Jack got 2nds of EVERYTHING. He's been an off and on kid on mashed potatoes and normally isn't much of a corn eater unless it's corn on the cob. He scarfed it all down and asked for more of everything and cleaned his plate up again. "S" got more mashed potatoes and corn. Jacob got more meatloaf and they all ate everything! We were all stuffed after dinner, but it was good! Next time I make the mini cheddar loaves I'm going to make them in the muffin pan. I got the recipe from my friend Tami's cookbook. It's not that much different than my meatloaf, the big difference is it has an actual sauce that goes over it and mine's just ketchup...both are great and I like them both equally, there's just a slight taste difference! Anyways later last night I was having a craving and my dear  husband went out and curbed it for me...I wanted chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce. So off he went to the shoppette and bought an over-price half-gallon of ice cream and choc. syrup for me! LOL He had a bowl too, man it was good. The only bad part is...I am all stuffed up and well you know what happens when you're stuffed up the taste of foods are altered and although I didn't notice it so much with dinner, with the ice cream it was REALLY noticeable. It's allergies, and man are they messing with me. It started off with a horrible sore throat. That was on Thursday and I actually woke up not able to talk. As the day went on it got better, but was really, really sore. I had soup for lunch and mashed potatoes for dinner that night. Friday the throat was 95% better, but the stuffiness and itchy eyes had started. Since moving to Germany I've hardly had any allergy issue's, which has been great, but well what ever it is in the air that I'm allergic to is out big time. It's been so cool here and rainy. Don't hate me because of our insane weather. I'm used to hot, miserable summers. Heck we kept being warned that this was going to be an awful summer (hot and humid) so we went and bought an a/c...we've hardly used it. I'm thankful I'm not hot and miserable, but dang on the money we spent on that a/c if we don't end up hardly needing it this year. Of course we still have more summers to come before moving back to the states before we sell it (it's 220 volt we won't be taking it back to the states!). Oh for those wondering what I mean by "SummerS" we're planning on staying an additional 3 yrs here. We love it here and well 3 yrs is just not enough! So for now the plan is to stay here 6 full years.There's a good chance Chad will be deploying next year so we'd have been here an additional year anyways. If we do the COT, the Army will pay for our whole family to go back to the states for 30 days (they pay for the plane tickets and Chad gets a FREE 30 days of leave) can't beat we'll go back and spend a couple weeks with my family and a couple with Chad's and see some friends (Tami, Kelly, and Emily) for sure while there...they may have to drive to see us, but when the time comes we'll figure that all out. It'll be the first time most likely that our families will meet our daughter as well. I'm hoping my parents or at least my mom can come over at some point before we go back for a visit and meet our little girl. I really wish she could be here when she's born, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Wish it would though. I'm glad they came in May though, so I just need to accept that gift and move on. But hey if she does come back it's nice to know I'll have some extra help with house keeping most of all laundry! :) hehe!!





Speaking of laundry I've managed to get behind on that junk again. I just hate laundry. I have always hated it and it just does not help that the laundry room is in the basement and we're on the 3rd floor. But I need to get down there tomorrow and get some washed. Chad will be home so he can help me carry it up and down the stairs. I have two baskets that need to be put away.

Tomorrow my plan so far is:

Church then lunch

Laundry (at least 4 loads if not more)

Put laundry away

Have Chad take the suitcases back to the storage room (they've been up since May when my parents were here. They're empty just need to go back downstairs).

Have the boys clean up the playroom, which isn't horrible, but it's not good.

I need to vacuum...the playroom, our bedroom, living and dining rooms, and the boys bedrooms. Those are the only rooms that have ultimately every room.

I want to make a pot of beans so in the morning I need Chad to bring up a  hamhock from the deep freezer so that before we leave for church I can get those going. That will make for a good, but very easy dinner!

We need to make a commissary run. I need to make out a menu for the next 2 weeks as well so we only get what we need at the commissary.

We need to pull out Jordyn's old clothes for this little girl so that this week I can get those sorted through and washed up. Thankfully I was GREAT about seperating them (in sizes) so all we have to do is find her newborn stuff and bring it up here so I can get it all washed up and put away.




This week Chad has Wed and Thursday off for the 4th of July holiday. For the 4th we'll be going to our post celebration. They do a great job and it was a lot of fun last year, it'll be better this year with Chad home! They have tons of jump houses, bull riding, paint gun (the boys will not be doing this), dunk tank, and other games for the kids (and adults), food, and drinks concessions. I need to double check on what time it all starts. I think this year it's planned to start later than it did last year. I know it started earlier than 4 pm last year, but I'm pretty sure that's the time they have been advertising for it to start this year. The night will end with fireworks. Last year they didn't start til about 11 pm, because that's when it got dark. It may start earlier this year since the weather's been so odd and it's been getting dark around 10 or 10:30. We'll see! I need to go look at what the weather is supposed to be like next week. My luck it'll be hotter than you can get out and it'll be fairly miserable day for me! LOL I'll suck it up and just drink tons of water (although I'm already drinking tons, we may have to bring a cooler for me and keep it in the car so I can go fill up my water bottle so we're not constantly buying water.)





Thursday I have my ob apt. It's my next to last one scheduled. I "think" I'll have my 3-D u/s. I'm hoping Chad can go with me and the boys as well. We have the Culligan man coming with our new cooler so someone has to be here, but I'm going to see if my friend Bobbie can come over and wait for him if he's not come before we leave so we don't miss out. Although I think we're supposed to sign the contract that day, so not quite sure how that will work. I will have to call on Monday and find out and see if we can get a more pinned down time for him and see if they will work with us. IF I have the 3-D u/s I do NOT want to see her face. I've seen enough of them from others to say that you can TELL what they look like. I figure that's the only surprise I have left. Honestly they freak me out a little too. They are so insanely detailed! I already know she's most likely going to look at least very similar to our other 3 children, but there is still differences and well I don't want to see those differences before she's here! Heck I'll only have 3 or 4 more weeks to wait and see them live and in person the way it is! :) But I'll happily take a look at her hands and feet and hopefully if she's cooperating reassurance that she's definately a girl! LOL My ob has a very high success rate on being right with u/s and I have had 2 where she had great, clear shots of her. But to have a 3-D shot of that will be one more reassurance! LOL

Well I know this is not too exciting of an entry...but well life's not always full of exciting stuff. It's the everyday little things that makes life I think. But there are big things and you all know as I've been asking all week for prayers for them...the big thing in our life right now is my friend Emily and their loss of their little 5 day old daughter Miller Grace (btw this is her 1st name...Miller Grace. It is NOT 1st and middle). Right at this moment her visitation is happening so please be in prayer for them.

Another friend of Emily's, emailed me and we're going to donate a book or two in Miller Grace's memory to the library. It was her friends idea and I have to say it's a great one. When Jordyn died friends did that for Jordyn and it meant a great deal to us. To know that others would check out a book and see her name in it and maybe know a little about her. I've also ordered a book for Matt and Emily that we bought when Jordyn died, that friends of ours who's son had died told us about. It's called "Mommy, Please Don't Cry" by Linda DeYamz. We have the older version which I absolutely love. There's been a revised version that was put out in 2003, and that's the one I ordered for Emily. For some rediculous reason the older version that we have, it's going for rediculous amounts. The cheapest I could find the old version was $28.00. It's a beautiful book and Chad told me I could get which ever I wanted and I may down the road get them the old version too, but for now I got her the new one. The illustrations in the new one show a baby which well seems so appropriate. It should be to her by Wed of this coming week. Which most people in their day to day lives will have gone back to just that...their own day to day lives and Matt and Emily will be left there in the midst of everything trying to figure out what's next. So I hope that this will bring them some comfort. The book is written from a child's perspective of what Heaven is like. It's really just such a beautiful book. It's not really about how to deal with grief, because well honestly all those books that I got from VERY well meaning and loving people...just stunk. I hated them. But this book brought me such comfort. My boys love to look at it and have me read it to them. I don't pull it out all the time, but there are days I just need to. Ok so praying for Matt and Emily right now as they wade through the next 4 hours of people paying their respects to them. Pray for them tomorrow as they say that "final" goodbye, which well isn't really final..but it's the "official" goodbye. Pray for their other two daughters as they sort through their questions, confusion, etc that a 2 and 3 yr old are sorting through and trying to make sense of all of it.

I'm off to bed. I want to do some reading before I pass out. I haven't really been able to read much the last few nights. Last night I pretty well passed out once I was in bed..I was on here chatting with Emily until after 2 am. I did get to sleep in though..until 10:30 when I woke up. I couldn't believe I slept in so late! It felt good!


God Bless and Thank you again for praying for and reaching out to Matt and Emily and their family. Don't forget to light those candles and pray them through today and tomorrow.






deshelestraci said...

I have Mommy please don't cry.  My aunt got it for me when I had a miscarriage.  
I had those ligament pulls in the unmentionable places for what seemed like months with my girls.  I don't know if it was from riding so much that made it worse or what!  Ouch.  You have my sympathy!

pixiedustnme said...

Yikes - LONG entry.  Guess you were feeling energetic!  (either that or avoiding going to bed? I really am excited for you - a girl!  I can't believe you're going to have the courage to get out Jordyn's clothes.  I know what a mixed blessing that is going to be.  I have the perfect name picked out for that little girl!  I'm thinking Clara.... I'm thinking Clara Jane....what d'ya think of that one?

happysunshien said...

ok yeah were you longwinded tonight? :)  are you in bed?  you better be!  Actually since it is after 10 are probably getting out of bed in a couple

Why wont you name that child after me and pixie kelly?  huh huh  huh???


mumma4evr said...

I think if you name the baby after the Kelly's then I am going to run screaming to the loony bin because their heads will become sooo big that there will be no room in the states left for the rest of us!!!  Just kidding!!!! I love both of them and they know it!!!

ukgal36 said...

Wow that is the most i have ever "heard" you say!! I loved it..I love long chatty was so good catching up with you...can I put my two cents worth in for a name?? i am going to anyway ..;-)
Ella Mae or if you you are sticking with the "J" theme
Jemma Nicole

Please rest today....between the laundry trips that is...;-)

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Keeping Emily and Matt in my thoughts and prayers!
My candle is burning again today in memory of Miller Grace.

I hate laundry too...but thats what I do for a living, working at the hospital, we do 10,000lbs a day! Imagine that!  So thats the last thing i wanna do when i come home, thankfully Jeff doesn't mind washing and folding clothes...he helps tons!

Hmmm...since everyone else is throwing out some baby about ....
     *Taylor Nicole
     * Amber Nicole
Trying to think of some J names...but can't...but can ya tell I like Nicole...haha    Can't wait till she is born...and we find out the name you guys have chosen!


pixiedustnme said...

What, all talked out from yesterday's post?  no new post?  that's ok, i'll just leave another name suggestion on the same post, 'cause you know - I have that power.  Today I think I like Cassidy, and since Nichole seems so popular lets call her Cassidy Nichole shall we....naw, that doesn't really flow does it?  how about Anna Cassidy?  yeah, that's it!

mumma4evr said...

no no  not Nichole...because the girls here their names spelled that was are teased with Nic HOLE....nope don't spell it that way!!!!!!    The brithparents of my Nicole spelled it that way and she was teased all the time, so when we adopted her we changed the spelling!

pixiedustnme said...

wow, still no new post ;-)  You know, if Josh had been a girl we probably would have named him Lindsey or Shelby (we were still undecided so I guess it's lucky he was a boy!)  How about Shelby Lynn?