Monday, December 20, 2004

Calgon anyone?

Today has been one of those days. It actually started last night. Chad had CQ Saturday night. Came home, showered, got dressed for church, went to church, went to friends for lunch we stayed til 4:30, rushed home, wrapped gifts, went back to church for the Christmas party and arrived home at 8:30. We put the boys to bed, and I KNEW Chad would fall asleep. It'd be close to 40 hrs without sleep at that point, unless you count the 40 minutes of a nap he caught between the friends house, home, and drive to church!

Chad started leave today, and needed to go sign out at midnight. I told him I'd wake him up sometime after midnight. I knew it'd be a fight to get him awake, but if he hasn't signed out by 6 am...he would need to be at PT at 6:30 otherwise he's considered AWOL.

Well he didn't want to get up and I know when I'm fighting a losing battle, so I let him be. Woke him when I came to bed, he still wouldn't get up, I said a couple annoyed things to him and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning to Jacob in my bed (not unusual) and Chad gone. Not sure where he was, Jacob wakes up and goes to the living room and I hear him talking to Chad. Come to find out, he woke up at 3:30 and went and signed out!

I get up, and he's being his ever so "pleasant" self.'s going to be a delightful day and he's home ALL day for the next 2 weeks. Yippee.

Well, he's called by a soldier needing his work/office keys so he goes and takes Jacob with him, since Jacob needs to have labs drawn and he's going to be "out".

He comes home, in a much better mood. Of course at this point he's hinting around to wanting well...:/ not exactly what I want to just give at that moment.

He gets more pleasant throughout the day...then he leaves to pick up Jacob from preschool, drop off Christmas Cards at the post office (yes I know they're late going out), the PX to drop off film, and then downtown to fed ex the Christmas gifts to his family, and he needed to stop at WalMart to get a gift card for his step-nephew.

It was a beautiful day here, gorgous! Almost 60! I decide to take Jack for a walk. Come home to 3 messages on my answering machine..we were gone at max a half hour and I had the cell phone with me! I push play and hear my "darling" husband's voice YELLING at me to answer the stupid phone. Oh so not happy at him immediately. I have 2 more messages of him yelling telling me to answer the phone, quit ignoring him, and/or to get off the other line. At this point I'm laughing and seething with anger at the same time. Laughing, because he's so stupid, and angry well that's obvious I hope. I deleted the messages, because no one needs to hear that twice whether they actually heard the whole message or not!

I try to call him on his cell and of course the jerk left it in the van. No voice mail on this one either, I hate this phone of his. I'm so mad at this point. He finally answers and is being a jerk, but I'm yelling at him! We say a few things to each other and he's ordered home.

He comes home, still trying to justify his rudeness and I make sure he understands in no uncertain terms that I will NOT be talked to like that in person, on the phone, or on the answering machine.

I've not talked to him since. I went on a drive. Stopped at the library, drove around, and went to Taco Bell for XL Pepsi and a burrito. I felt better when I got home, still getting an attitude...this time for not picking him up something from TB...well forget him! He's mean to me, he gets NOTHING.

Well, I guess I'm done with my vent. Can't say I feel any better, but it's out.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Who Started Christmas?

Who started Christmas?

This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out
Christmas shopping with her two children; after many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year---overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff.  When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot."

>From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry.  We already crucified him."

For the rest of the trip down the elevator it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it, just think of how different this whole world would be.


Saturday, December 11, 2004


Tonight as I was nursing Jackson I was sitting there looking at this beautiful little boy and how blessed I am. 4 1/2 yrs ago I honestly never thought I'd feel thankful again, much less blessed.

I am blessed in knowing where Jordyn is. Does it make the missing and longing for her to be alive still less,no it doesn't. I do though know she's in Heaven. I don't have to worry like parents of missing/kidnapped children if their child is being hurt in someway, if they're warm, have enough to eat, being taken care of gently, and if they are ever coming home. I know where she is and so in the overall BIG picture...I'm thankful for that knowledge.

I'm so blessed to have these 2 boys of mine. I know that I will never deserve them. I am so thankful that GOD gave them to me though. I will never understand why he thought I should be so blessed in these gifts, but I need to stop questioning him and just start thanking him.

This blessed feeling led me to realize that although I like having material things, I really do know that nothing I can go buy is going to make me whole. I could have more money than any human being alive and it's never going to make my heart whole. It will NEVER bring Jordyn back to life. It will never make time slow down with the boys. Now, it would keep Chad home and away from going to WAR,etc...but in the big picture materialistic things just are NOT what is going to make me happy.

I know only GOD can do that for me. I know that forgiving myself for the things I have blamed myself for over Jordyn's leukemia. For not being the perfect mom all the time. I have to forgive myself for not being the perfect wife, daughter, sister, or friend.

I like buying shoes as much as the next girl does, but do those new shoes really make me happy for the long haul. Nope, it's temporary. Hence why I used to have over 50 pair of shoes that I wore as often as I could (rotating them in and out) and why now I have 2 pair that I wear, I did have 3 but yesterday the lace on my slip on tennis shoe type things broke! LOL I don't have a lot of clothes, because well I hate clothes shopping now. Get fat and you realize how bad clothes are and how unejoyable clothes shopping is.

So, the point. I enjoy material things, but I KNOW I don't need them to be happy. I have to be happy with me, apperciate the people in my life (IRL and online). Tonight I had a beautiful moment watching the boys play in the tub, giggling so hard and just having fun making beards from the bubbles. It's the little things in life that are going to fill me up.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus




Santa lives at the North Pole ...
JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh ...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year ...
JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies ...
JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ...
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters
your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa ...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap ...
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is
"Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?" ...

JESUS knew our name before we were born.
      Not only does He know our name,
      He knows our address too.
      He knows our history and future and
      He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ...
JESUS has a heart full of love

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...
JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa says "You better not cry" ...
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers make toys ...
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs
broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but ...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.... The cross.

We need to put Christ back in CHRISTmas, Jesus is still
the reason for the season.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only
begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not

perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Jesus is the Reason for the Season !

Wednesday, December 8, 2004








Danny Hohlbaun art work


Jacob is in AWANA and for those who do not know what "AWANA" stands for it is this: "Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed, taken from 2 Timothy 2:15."


I love this program. "

Awana is an international, Bible-centered children's and youth ministry providing local churches with weekly clubs and programs for preschool through high school. Our goal is to equip churches to reach children and teenagers, and their families, with the gospel of Christ and train them to serve Him. (Click here to learn about the hope, vision, mission and values of Awana.) The acronym Awana comes from the first letters of Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed, taken from 2 Timothy 2:15."

Most importantly Jacob loves it and is learning so much. Every week he learns at least 2 vs. They get rewarded with Awana Bucks and at the end of every session they are allowed to spend their bucks. Tonight my old neighbors girls' attended for the first time. Of course they did not earn any bucks, but Jacob who had saved 8 bucks (2 of them being from tonight) bought the girls an item too. Granted they are those horrible sticky things that you fling and the long part goes out and sticks to something.. but hey the kids love them. I was so proud of him though for opening his heart and sharing what he had.


Jacob is 3 and although he tries me like no one else in this world, he has taught me so much more than I ever imagined a 3 yr old could. (You'd think I'd figure out that children are just wiser than us adults after all the lessons Jordyn taught me!) Jacob always prays at bedtime and adds onto the prayer at meals. He ALWAYS prays for the soldiers in Iraq to be able to come home safe andsoon. We of course got into this habit while my DH was off in Iraq.

I am just going to gloat tonight...I'm really in awe of Jacob and the compassion that is in his heart. I'm a pretty strict mom in a lot of ways. I expect a lot from him, probably more than I should. I want him to have manners, be respectful, but most of all I want him to love, honor, fear, and desire GOD and his love.

I really love that he prays and that it's so important to him. I will be just vain enough to say that I believe I had something to do with instilling in him that prayer is important. I have to say that I'm not picky on what he prays on. Whether it's the soldiers in Iraq or special toys. Granted I don't want his whole prayer to be about SpiderMan and how wonderful SM is! LOL But, I am not going to tell him it's wrong to thank GOD for his toy. I don't see anything wrong with him being thankful for the gifts in his life and for a 3 yr old, toys are a HUGE center of his life.

Ok, now for a vent. (Kelly you can skip've already read it! LOL). I have a friend who I love dearly, but she frustrates me at times to no end. She's well materialistic in the manner that she thinks that if she just buys this or that, her life is going to be better, that she will once again have happiness. Anyways, she told me a couple weeks ago how she got after her 3 yr old son, when he was praying and said he was thankful for his toys.

UGH! Trust me, it's amazing this child prays at all, but to discourage him from being thankful and thanking GOD for the gifts he has been blessed with. I just don't get it. She told him he should instead be thanking GOD for "Mommy, Daddy, etc" Sure he should be thankful for his parents..but well he's 3! Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so! (Mostly because I think I'm the normal one and she's the one off the deep end most of the time! ROFL). (Keep your comments to yourself Kelly! LOL)


Well if you made it this far..good for you! I'm done with my bragging and ranting! :)

Saturday, December 4, 2004

Polar Express

I LOVE THIS MOVIE! We picked up my niece on Thursday and have her til Monday and decided to take the kids to the movies and to the zoo. The zoo was nice, it was a nice day, but what I was really looking forward was going to see this movie.

All I can say is GO SEE IT, no RUN! I'm not like my friend Kelly who goes and see's a lot of movies at the theater. I don't get to go that often and actually I guess chose not to go that often, but when I do I look forward to seeing a good movie. I'm beyond thrilled to say I was NOT disappointed.

For those who believe as I do that CHRISTmas is about Christ, wonderful. I also believe Christmas is about a beautiful feeling inside of our soul. A feeling that life can be joyful and full of hope and I think in many ways that is what Santa gives..a joy and hope that anything is possible. Yes we definately should have that through our Savior. I just know that I as a child believed in Santa and when I found out that he was not "real" I was NOT traumatized or angry or any of that. It's nice to believe in something/someone who brings joy to your life and well makes you giddy.

I watched not only this movie, but Jacob, Bailey, and Jackson watching the movie. Now let me tell you they all did wonderfully in the theater. I wasn't sure of Jackson, we're talking about a little 15 month old here, so you never know how it's going to go! LOL He walked along our row (which was only us), sat in my lap, got his first taste of popcorn and licorice, and enjoyed his cousin's pink lemonade after he had drank all his water! :) I watched these children as their mouths dropped open, as they literally stood holding onto the seats in front of us in anticipation of seeing Santa. I cried. I seriously cried as I watched them watch this movie and watched as they got excited, as they waved their arms back and forth, clapped, so excited.

As we are walking outside he tells us many times how much he loved the movie and thanked us for taking him. Jackson even yelled "yeah" when asked if he liked it! LOL Bailey loved it too! While driving Jacob says, "That was the best movie I've NEVER seen" ROFL! He has yet to learn the difference in ever and never! (He's 3, he has time to learn!)

I recommend this movie to young and old. I am very strict in what I let Jacob watch and this is a movie I think is great for all ages. For the woman who goes maybe once a year to the movies, I'd LOVE to go and see this AGAIN!!!

As soon as it comes out in DVD...I'm buying it!