Tuesday, January 31, 2006

                                               HAPPY BIRTHDAY

                                                   5th     Jacob!



                                          Jacob's thrilled with his Tank! It's huge!!


I'll post some birthday cake pictures later! I can't believe my little man is 5 yrs old!


I love you Jacob! XOXOXO


Monday, January 30, 2006

More pictures of Jacob


These are a few pictures of Jacob age 1...It's amazing how when they're this age we don't see them as quite they baby they truly are, amazing how by the end of this year, he was speaking in sentences, counting, knew his ABC's, and singing songs that were understandable to more than just Chad and I. He's a smart little boy!



Jacob 1 yr                                                          Jacob's1st birthday


Jacob and Daddy                                           Jacob smelling an Iris


Jacob                                                                    Jacob hunting Easter Egg's


Jacob playing in the mud after swimming              Jacob all dressed up in Dad's gear

Jacob looking so sweet                                    Jacob cuddling his teddy bear



~~Music by www.i-petz.com~~

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Easy, like Sunday morning!  In honor of those who still believe in Sunday morning drives, here is one for you.

Tell me...

Is there a street in your city or town that you dread being on and will absolutely avoid driving, if possible?

You have at least one where you live, right?  Go to your journal and tell people about it, then come back here and leave your journal entry link in the comments below.  I mean, are there really that many crazy drivers out there, or were they all just sent to this part of the country?


Well here in Germany there really aren't any streets so far that I drive on a fairly regular basis that I've deemed just dreadful. Downtown area in general is often just really busy, they have different traffic laws in Germany (like no turning right at Red lights unless there's a turn signal as well and then it must be green still), and parking spaces are smaller/tighter than in the states which can be difficult with my minivan which is like a monster it seems at times over here.

I have to say though back in Kansas where we lived last there was a street I hated driving on, Washington street. It's the main street full of stop lights at almost every corner, it's insane!


If you want to play "Easy Like Sunday Morning" don't link back to me...link back to Dona!!

Saturday, January 28, 2006


As I loaded these pictures looking over Jacob's 1st yr I'm in awe of how quickly time goes by. It seems like just yesterday I didn't think I'd be able to love another child again....then Jacob was born and God showed me just how much love I had to give.

Thank you GOD for this precious life. Here's some pictures of Jacob's 1st yr of life...some professional shots, some snapshots.




Jacob 3 months old

Jacob, Mommy, Great Grandma (she's Jacob's Great-Great Grandmother)

  Jacob 7 months old


  Jacob 6 months old


 Jacob 9 months old

 Jacob Sept'01 sitting on the rocks by the fish pond at Mamaw and Papaw's house. I love this picture.

 Jacob playing in the snow at Mamaw and Papaw's House, I think this was his first Thanksgiving.

 Jacob and Mamaw

 Jacob..look at that beautiful found face!

 Jacob Nov.01@ Great Grandma's

 Jacob 1 yr old






Friday, January 27, 2006

I'm Free!

I'm all healthy and feeling so much better now! Yesterday I was feeling a lot better, but today I can say I feel 100% better. I still get the sinus's draining, but after having the flu...that's NOTHING! I felt so good I made us taco's for dinner tonight and oh were they good!

Today was a good day. I didn't have any other children here except mine. Oh how I can't wait until the baby I'm watching is no longer under my care. I don't know if I said, but the other baby it looks like Mom's going to be sticking around here longer than she was supposed to, so she put him back into the daycare center. He was the precious, sweet, very happy little guy...but it was only supposed to be for 2 weeks and turned into nearly 2 months! The extra money was nice, but seriously the time I have with my boys is more precious to me than any amount of money that takes even a little bit of me away from them. I don't know exactly how much longer I'll have the other little guy, at most into March and then he'll be heading to Jamaica to be with his grandmother while Mom is deployed.

I have to say today I just felt so free! Free to go where ever I wanted without feeling like I HAD to be back by a certain time (pick up time). Without the constraints of an extra little person to bring along, there are definate advantages to being past the infant stage...yes we still plan on having more children...but we don't have them right now and I have every right to enjoy just having two WALKING, TALKING boys! Man are they boys. If there's ice/snow packed up high to be climbed up on, they will climb it, if there's water puddles to splash in, they will splash! Yes, ladies and gentlemen I am the proud mother of two, "All Boy" Boys! I wouldn't change them if I could! There are days I think I may lose my mind, but you know I could feel that way without them!

I just looked in on them sleeping, so sweetly (is there anything more precious than a sleeping child???), and I just thank you Jesus for these precious gifts! I mean it. How blessed am I? I truly never thought I'd be able to love another child again after Jordyn died. Then I had Jacob and with his first cries all those fears were just literally WIPED away. The love I felt was so strong, it took my breath away...my initial instinct was to just hold and love him, of course they were stapling me up (yuck on staples, those suckers will NEVER go into my body again...stiches are the only way for ME to go!)...but I did get to hold him sort of in one arm, while Chad held him too, and I got lots of kisses in, then the nurse took him and Chad upstairs to check him all out...

Jacob will be 5 in a few days. I can't believe it. I just look at him and think "wow, 5" time just goes by too quickly. I wish so much people'd quit trying to wish away these little ones childhood. Quit trying to make them be older than they are. Quit trying to fill their minds with garbage that as an adult I don't want to have in my head, much less at what should be a completely innocent age. Jacob has more knowledge on things like death and cancer than a lot of kids do at his age...but he doesn't view it as morbid or scary so much as part of life, because for us that is what it is. His sister is dead and she died because she had cancer. He's starting to ask questions now such as "is cancer leukemia or is leukemia cancer". I give him the answer and just leave it. He'll ask as he wants to learn. I don't need to fill his head with tons of things. He knows that cigerettes cause cancer and can make people very sick and sometimes die. We don't allow people to smoke around our children, family, friends, it doesn't matter...NO SMOKING. I've lost one child to cancer, over my dead body am I going to let someone blow their nasty 2nd hand smoke into my precious children's lungs. If they're stupid enough to smoke, they can keep it away from my children. My parents haven't always liked that rule (we didn't set that rule up soon enough for Jordyn and I'll forever regret it and those who smoke...YES 2nd hand smoke IS linked to AML leukemia. It's a fact and I stupidly allowed it around Jordyn and I'll never forgive myself for that). Living in Germany, it's pretty hard to stay clear of it all the time, but we do our best.

Anyways.....Jacob's going to be 5...so I thought for the next few days until he does turn 5...I'll share a few pictures of my boy growing up over the last 5 years! :)


Jacob weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz! He was a big boy!!!


My dad with Jacob the day we came home from the hospital...Papaw's first grandson! :)


My Great Grandma...she and Jacob share a birthday. She died Nov 2002, she died having at that point 77 grandchildren (Grand-Great Great Grands) and Jacob was the ONLY one born on her birthday...he was VERY special to her...she was 92 years old that day!


This is my Mom's Dad (oh how I love this man!!!) and his wonderful, wonderful wife Nona (I wish he'd met her years before he did). This was taken at my parents house, this was Jacob's first "trip". I think he was about 1 week old.


Well there's a few pictures of Jacob on his first days in this world! I'll put more up tomorrow!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Tagged again! :)

I was tagged again with the 50 that's going around! Here's mine!

This has been updated! Questions 21-28 have been added now!!

50 things you might not know about me -- erase my answers and put in your own, then repost in your own journal.  Make sure you tag 3 people to join in. Post their links & let them know they've been tagged.... HAVE FUN!!

1. What is your middle name?  Lynn

2. What size is your bed? Queen

3. What are you listening to? Take You Back: Jeremy Camp

4. What are the last two digits in your phone number? 03

5.  What was the last thing you ate? Chicken Noodle Soup

6.  Last person you hugged?  My boys as they went to bed

7.  How is the weather right now?  Cold and supposed to snow

8.  Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?Dear friend Joy before she brought soup over for us, it was a brief conversation. Long one..Chad this morning! :)  

10.  Do you have a bf/gf/spouse/sig other? yes husband

12.  Do you drink?  very rarely

13.  Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night? yes, unfortunately

14.  Hair color?  dark brown

15.  Eye color?  brown

16.  Fav baseball team? The KC Royals..hey they're the homestate team (well ok they're officially in Missouri..but we KS people claim them too!)

17.  Fav animal? Cats

18.  Favorite season? Spring

19.  Ever cried for no reason?  yes

20.  Last movie you watched? The Chronicles of Narnia (in the theater) dvd...Must Love Dogs (it was cute)

21. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? NFL football mainly the KC Chiefs, also love when Kansas State Wildcats are on! Oh and upcoming Olympics!! LOVE THEM!

22. Do you live in town/city or in the country? I live on a military post.It'd be considered in a city I suppose, or the outskirts of the city more so. I grew up in the coutry though!

23. How much do you weigh? Yeah...you'll be seeing that number when I've lost all my weight!

24. What’s your astrological sign? Aqurius … but I don’t believe in astrology stuff
25. What’s your personality type? Ummm, I guess calm, happy, with the ability to get very sad??

26. What was the hardest thing to master when you were learning to drive?
parallel parking, still hate it, but can do it.

27. How did you do on that on your very first drivers’ exam? 100%

28. Have you ever played Truth or Dare? Yes
28½. When was the last time you played a game? Last week, played Lion King board game

Who were you with? My boys

29.  What book are you reading?  Bible,Chronicles of Narnia,(with the boys), and Love Worth Giving: Max Lucado (Women's Bible Study)

30.  Piercings?  my ears

31.  Favorite movie? The Notebook

32.  Favorite college team? Kansas State University (KSU)

33.  What are you doing right now? Journaling, Chatting, and hoping my jaw stops aching from my sinus's draining.

34.  Any pets? yes! Left in the states/KS are our 2 dogs and our cat who we miss terribly and here in Germany our newest member our cat Pounce :)

35.  Dog or cat?   Cat

36.  Favorite flower?  Roses and Petunia's (purple)

37.  Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?  yes

38.  Have you ever loved someone?  yes, very much

39.  Who would you like to see right now? Jordyn

40.  Are you stillfriends with your ex's?  I haven't seen any of them in years, but a few from highschool..we were all still friends way back then and I'm sure would hug and be able to laugh at our crazy times together.

41.  Have you ever fired a gun?  yes

42.  Do you like to travel by plane? yes

43.  Right or left handed?  right

44.  If you could be with someone right now, who would it be?  Chad, my boys,& Jordyn...that'd be perfect

45.  How many pillows do you sleep with? 4 I have 2 and then there's 2 on Chad's side of the bed and I have been moving to the middle of the bed lately  

46.  Are you missing someone?  yes...Chad and Jordyn

47.  Do you have a tattoo?  yes an angel I got when I was stupid (18) if I wasn't so scared of the pain to have it removed I would...of course then it'd just leave another scar...so it'll stay.

48.  Do you watch cartoons on Saturday morning?  what's the point they're nothing special anymore.

49.  Are you hiding something from someone?  no

50.  Do you play an instrument? I used to play the clarinett and base clarinett in highschool and could pound a little out on the piano (but truly nothing special)


I'm tagging anyone who hasn't done this yet! :)

I've been Tagged

My friend Lorri:Cry Out To Jesus tagged me (check out her blog btw)


Four jobs you have had in your life?
Cashier at Grocery store/Country Mart in KS

WalMart: Jewelry and Shoes and Cashier

Fort Riley National Bank: Head Proof Operator/Customer Service

SAHM (if anyone says being a mom and wife's not a job they've never done it plus it's the BEST job in the world!!!)

Four movies you would watch over and over:

The Notebook (my ultimate favorite)

Gone With The Wind

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days


Four places you've lived:

  • Holton, KS
  • Fort Riley, KS
  • Fort Belvoir, VA
  • Germany

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch

American Idol (I can't help it, I love it)

Friends (syndication baby!)

7th Heaven

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

  • Four websites I visit daily:
  • Journals
  • AOL message boards
  • Scrapbooking Sites
  • WAHM sites that sale tarts and Cloth Diapers

Four of my favorite foods:

  • Fetticini Alfredo (Olive Garden's)
  • My stroganoff
  • Roast, Pot, Carrots, Mashed Pot, Homemade Noodles, and homebread
  • Beirocks

Four places I would rather be right now:

Chad next to me

Our family traveling Europe

Edelweiss (Garmish, Germany)



  • Four bloggers I am tagging:
  • Emily-Really Living (because she hasn't put up a recent post lately)

               Kelly(2) (for the exact same reason as Emily)

              Dona (I don't think I've ever tagged her before!)

Kelly's Green Olives & Pickle Juice (because I know she loves these! LOL)



Sick and Storm Coming In

Well, I'm still sick. It's officially the flu...oh yes in the last 2 days I've had all that joys that the flu gives you...chills, fever, vomitting, and yeah the other fun thing that comes along...ugh. I've not vomitted since I got up today, gagged a lot feeling like I was going to...but that's been it! Whew...but still feeling crummy. I did have to go to the mailroom. We just have tiny little post office boxes and they fill up FAST, I hadn't been in a few days and it was full, plus I had 2 packages. I was gone a total of 10 minutes if that. It took longer to get our coats and shoes on I think, and walking down and up the stairs.

I feel horrible, my boys just want to go out and play so bad, and today wasn't too cold that they could have played at the park for maybe 30 minutes before getting too cold...but I just didn't have the energy to sit up that long.

A friend of mine brought me some soup a little bit ago and said she was told we have a winter storm supposed to he hitting us this evening. We got a true dusting of snow this morning, so we'll see what happens.

I hope everyone else is well and not dealing with being sick. I'll write more when I'm feeling better.


God Bless

Monday, January 23, 2006


I've been sick since yesterday and just when I think I'm feeling better, I start feeling horrible again...actually right now my back is starting to hurt, but I can't go to bed because I have diapers still washing (yes I use cloth diapers...LOVE THEM!)...ah life is fun in our household! At some point I am going to get this apartment organized and kept up. I don't expect perfection, dang I think perfection would probably annoy me! LOL I'm not a cleaning fanatic, I wish I was more on that way...but well I'm not and it's something I've come to grips with! :) LOL!

Anyways, I was asked a week or maybe two weeks ago how I could find contentment in "just being a mom". This was from another mother, so to say I was blown away is an understatement! I looked at her and I guess I could ask you "how do you NOT find contentment in being "just as mom"." I know God has a special plan and gives us each different gifts. Now I'm not one that always shows a lot of patience with my children and it's actually something I'm working HARD on currently, I haven't been doing so well (so please pray for me in that area), yet with all the struggles of being a SAHM I can't imagine not being here for every moment. I'm homeschooling too! Now I have already heard the questions "what about socialization" seriously...do some research and you'll see that most homeschooled kids have MORE social interaction with kids their own age and so many other variety of people, because they're not constraint by the strict schedule of public and private schools that 8-3 (or what ever your public/private school's hours are). We have more flexibibilty, we have more options of field trips, of hands on learning in so many subjects. Math can range from text book work to cooking (measurements)..science can be experiments inside and finding amazing discoveries outside! History, well we're living in Germany...this country and all of them in Europe are FULL of history and well my children are "blessed" with a mom who LOVES history and enjoys to travel! To say they'll be historied out is probably going to be the understatement of their schooling life....but I hope it'll be something that sticks with them forever! We get to read the bible as part of our studies and I get to teach my children REAL history of our country vs what schools are teaching more and more sadly (changing what our founders believed, why they truly left England, etc... sadly A LOT of public schools are not teaching accurate history and that is a true disgrace to our country and our ancestors). We'll be starting I believe it's this Friday PE with other homeschool families, and we're discussing a few field trips together! It's so exciting that my children are going to be recieving such hands on learning..plus they won't have to fight for attention with 20-30 other kids, and hey no one could ever say I wasn't an involved parent in my child's learning! lol!

Anyways...homeschooling wasn't the main reason to post tonight. It's the SAHM vs Working Mom. I know not every woman is meant to be a SAHM, and there are some kids who are truly better off going to daycare or home care or having a nanny, etc vs having mom home. I do think it's a much more difficult balance though when mom works and don't envy them at all. I worked for 4 months after Jacob was born...from 2mo-6 months and it just killed me to know I was missing out on all these great things he was doing for 8 hrs a day. His provider was about a 2 minute drive from my job, so my lunch hour was spent at her house nursing him, cuddling him, and just spending time with him..but it wasn't enough. We'd get home normally between 4-5...I'd nurse him, make dinner, play with him, and then it was time for him to go to bed..I was getting 3-4 hrs in the evening with him...max, an hour in the morning, and an hour at noon...so we're talking 6 hrs during daylight hours...it was not nearly enough. I was missing out on smiles, laughter, hugs, cuddles, nursing, just holding him, laying on the floor with him, walks with him, too much. I never regretted quitting my job, which I did love...but not nearly as much as I loved Jacob. Chad was so supportive. He'd told me he'd rather have me home raising our son than someone helping in that endeavor...his support meant the world to me, and I can still remember the joy I felt not having to get up to an ALARM clock and waking up my little guy...but instead letting him wake us up as we cuddled in bed together.

I guess this person who asked me just doesn't have the same mindset as I do and maybe God's not leading her to be a SAHM. I'm so thankful God's given me this gift and that although at times money gets tight...we've been able to have me be a SAHM with all our children (take out that 4 months). There's not a single moment of being HOME with my children that I regret.

I also don't understand when people/mom's wish their children to grow up faster than they already are. How many of you have heard "it goes by so quickly". It does. My Jacob is about to turn 5. FIVE! How? Wasn't he just born? Wasn't he just a little toddler learning to talk, learning his abc's, learning to ride his bike, learning to count? Now he's almost 5. Wow these last 5 yrs have flown by. I want time to slow down. No one with children who are teens or older need to tell me to cherish these days...I get it. It goes by too quickly. I want time to slow down just a little, is that too much to ask? I want to breath them in just a little longer. He's so full of questions, that urgency to learn, he wants to know everything and now. The questions he'll ask me blows me away. The "commercials" we have on tv over here are not the American Commercials. They're geography information, history lessons world and American...a few weeks ago he asked me about Hitler. Let me tell you I never thought I'd be having a conversation with my 4 yr old about the Evil Hitler, and explain to him how the beautiful country we live in was so full of HATE, deep, beyond my own understanding cruelty. No, most definately I will not be taking him to any concentration camps...but at the sametime I did my best to break it down on his level that he was a bad man, who killed people because they didn't meet his mold, etc. He didn't understand why a person would do this, and well it's hard to explain that when it's hard for me to understand that sort of hatred you know, but I told him anytime he wants to talk about it...we can. I don't bring it up and he's only asked two other times since. He deserves his innocence. He knows enough about death with the fact that his sister is dead. Thankfully though we have the hope and joy of Heaven!

Wow...this entry really went off on it's on little way didn't it! I'll just end it in saying, THANK YOU JESUS. Thank you for entrusting these little boys in my care. For giving my heart the desire to be with them every single day to watch them wake up and to see them to sleep and every other joy and not always joyous events in the middle! Thank you for showing me the joy of life through the eyes of a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. How humbled I am.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Bible Study and Sharing

Today our first class started for our women's bible study. I'm a co-facilitator for our class, which is for the book "A Love Worth Giving" by Max Lucado. I've been reading the book for a few weeks and have been convicted numerous times.

Today after eating, praising, and worship we seperated into our classes (we have 3 classes going on). I passed out the books, went over the schedule, discussed different things, did an ice breaker, etc...then I was asked what brought me to GOD. I shared Jordyn with everyone and in a matter of moments had a room full of women bawling. It definately wasn't my intention to go in there and even share my testimony, but it was asked and when I got home I got a phone call from one of the ladies in our class and she thanked me, said she needed to be convicted on what I had to share. Whoa, that blew me out of the water.

I'm always amazed at how God will use us. How him loving us so much that he sent his only son to die for ME and for YOU just amazes me. It was really an amazing morning. God constantly amazes me in how he uses us for HIS Glory!

I'll write more later, but I have a baby crying! :)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Happy Thought

Before I head off to bed, I just heard one of the most stunning things I've heard in YEARS when it comes to college basketball....MY Kansas State Wildcats BEAT Kansas Universtity (aka KU)...YES WE BEAT THEM! I can't remember the last time KSU beat KU! Most the times the game between K-State and KU's a good game for most of it, just that most the time KU at some point takes off and beats us....Manhattan, KS must be going insane right now and painting the town PURPLE!

K-State's not been able to say we have a very good basketball program, maybe things will look up for the rest of the season! :) They've just done something I didn't think would happen for years yet to come still!

  1 2 T   Kansas State «
(9-4) 18 41 59   Kansas 
(10-4) 26 29 55 Recap


Ok, so I just clicked on the above link (recap) 31 games We LOST to KU, 31!!!!

Goodnight! :)

What Might Have Been

I need to clean my house so bad, but just don't want to. I haven't done the dishes, vaccumed the living room, or just picked up in general around here in a couple days. I know part of it is being tired, other is I don't know. I don't feel particularly sad, but more of that blah feeling.

On a christian support email group that I comanage, it's for people who are or have dealt with cancer either themselves or through a family member. One of my dear friends who actually told me abut the list asked why those of us on there who's child's died from cancer doesn't talk/post about them very often. It realy got me to thinking about how and when I do talk about Jordyn. I'm still I think in a way shocked that I buried my daughter. We just don't plan that. We expect that when our child's born, they will be born healthy and one day bury us, not the other way around. There are days when Jordyn really seems like a dream.

I tried to read website of a boy who had cancer, but died unexpectantly and quickly last Feb. from a heart problem that they were not aware of (I believe). I started reading just the beginning days of diagnosis...and I had to stop, because the emotions were so strong, I couldn't see the screen.

Most days I can think of Jordyn and smile and laugh. I try so hard I guess to be positive and as real about her as I can be. There are just times though that it's exhausting being that way. There are days when we just have to cry, feel sad, or just totally stunned that this is really, utterly my life. I am not writing this to have you say I'm strong, I'm not...I don't get a choice in this matter at all..it just is. I don't write this to be told to cheer up, because seriously...my child's dead and 95% of the time I'm a pretty upbeat person, seeing the glass as half full, smiling, laughing, etc. Sometimes it's just hard to understand why GOD said "no" to our prayers. I don't believe for one moment that he GAVE her cancer, he did allow it, and he didn't answer the prayers we and so many others said the way WE wanted.

Someone once said "well maybe God took her so she wouldn't have to suffer a worse death". She died from cancer, trust me when I say that what cancer does to a person is not gentle by any means. When she died...she was literally (and I mean literally) skin and bones. I can't bare to look at most the pictures from the last few weeks of her life, because her body doesn't look like "her". She didn't suffer the way some do,but it wasn't easy on her either. She stopped walking because the pain was too much for her, she didn't eat very good, whatever she would eat we'd shove it into her. Most don't know the details and honestly I just can't write about them or speak about them outloud to most people. I look at her pictures and see such hope, life, love, and belief in her eyes and smile. I think I had that too.

Sometimes I try to picture what she'd look like. She'd be 8 yrs old. I'm not really sure what most 8 yr old girls are into and really don't want to know. My friend Kelly(2) has a daughter who's 5 months older than Jordyn, and she's one of the few who I can handle listening to about her child...because Kelly's son Joshua died from cancer too, days before Jordyn died.

Both of my boys have (thankfully) outlived Jordyn. It's definately a bittersweet accomplishment. I look at my Jackson who's now just a few months older than what Jordyn lived to be and I think of all the energy, that smile, laughter, and whoa that temper and see a lot of Jordyn in him. Jacob he has a special connection with his sister. He's got a tenderness about him. He tells me "Mom, I love you" at least 5 or more times a day. He'll literally be just playing, watching a movie, playing a game, playing on the computer...just anything and will stop and say "hey mom, I love you"...just out of the blue. God blessed me so much with these 2 little boys. I find myself wondering sometimes how they'd be different having Jordyn here. In pretty well everyway...Jacob's the "oldest" child, although he's really our middle child. He's never had that actual roll of middle child. I think in the big picture they'd still be who they are, but there'd be some things about them that'd be different. There are days I just feel like we have been cheated out of so much. All 4 of us. Chad in having his "Daddy's girl" and oh she so was in those last few months. Me in having that little girl to have with me. The boys in having that big sister to do whatever big sisterly duties she'd be doing...whether it'd be chasing them away from her, mothering them, having bonds with them, or being driven up the wall by them.

Oh "what might have been". Life sure didn't play out the way I thought it would. I don't think it does for most people...but sometimes I think for a some of us, even less so. It's amazing how you can miss someone who's been dead longer than they were alive.

Thursday, January 12, 2006


I know I've been quiet this week. I've been so tired. I'm babysitting two babies right now, a 3 month old and a 2 month old. It really wears me out. I am anxious to be done with it. The 3 month old, which I admit is my favorite...he's just the sweetest little guy. He is just happy to be alive. The 2 month old, well um I'm not so sure he's happy to be here, even if he is discovering he can smile..he just screams/cries A LOT. He cries less for me than he does for his momma...but whew! Let me tell you when it's not your child that's crying and crying and change his diaper, feed him, hold him, sing to him, talk to him, lay him down, don't touch him, put him in another position, put the pacifier in there to hopefully quiet him down just a little, replace the pacifier, beg your oldest son to replace the pacifier because you've been um..holding it ;) for the last 2 hrs and just can't anymore, wash your hands, run into the living room, replace the pacifier, pick him up...he finally falls asleep. Oh and then the other one is awake, barely makes a noise, just enough to let you  know "I'm hungry" so you change his diaper, heat up his bottle, feed him, get him back to sleep after you played with him for a bit...the other one is waking up. By the time their mommies arrive...I'm exhausted, oh and lets not forget I need to pay attention to my own children during this time, feed them breakfast, lunch, a snack in the morning and afternoon, try for some cuddle time with each of them, get them down for a nap, oh....well let me tell you I'm tired. Oh yeah and I have insomnia so it's not like I'm getting a good nights sleep to deal with this! Yippee!


I've not really had a lot to write about. I have tomorrow/Friday off! Saturday I'm watching 2 mo old all day and night...his mom has duty. Then I'll have Sunday and Monday off (it's a 4 day weekend). Oh tonight I have 3 month old all night. His mom told me he's sleeping through the night though! Yeah!

God Bless

Sunday, January 8, 2006

Good Sunday Afternoon!

I LOVE Sunday's. I go to church and hear GOD's word, I have fellowship with fellow Christians and those who are seeking Christ, who may be falling away from him, but yet are still holding on. This is our first duty station that a military Chapel has felt like a home church. When we were stationed in Baumholder 7 yrs ago, we had started attending church (Chapel) not long before Jordyn was dx...we were liking the church over all, but hadn't really developed any close bonds there...but it was truly Chad and I's first experience at church together as a couple and as a family with Jordyn, I'm thankful for that little chapel in Strassburg Kaserne. They gave us love and support when Jordyn was dx. Our chaplain was wonderful and came once a week at least to visit us. The 2nd night after she was dx he showed up to the hospital about 10 pm, Chad had left to go home for the night, and I was laying beside Jordyn with tears flowing, trying to figure out how my seemingly healthy and very beautiful little girl, who wasn't even 1 could possibly have cancer and could have not the "good" leukemia...but the one the diagonising ped told us to pray she wouldn't have. There was little hope inside of me when he walked into her room. He prayed for Jordyn, prayed for and with me, and gave me a hug. He was there less than 30 minutes, but in that time gave me a book (When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold S.Kushner-Rabbi)...that visit and that book truly changed how I was dealing with this life changing time. I stopped crying, stopped being mad at GOD, and started for the 1st time to have Hope and started to depend on GOD. Anyways! :) I got a little off track there, but that's ok!

Sunday's and loving today. We had church this morning. Chaplain spoke on Luke 2:41-52 Now a couple months ago these verses were discussed in my women's bible study class. If you don't know these verses, please look them up and read them and think about how you as a parent would react to find that after a day of walking, your child was not with you. That when you then walked back (again took a day) and finally on that third day you find your child whow was possible 12 or 13 yrs old he tells you" Why were you searching for me?" he asked. " Didn't you know I had to be in my FAther's house?"  As a mother, I think I'd be fuming. Yet Mary already knew that her son was God's and that although she didn't understand, she accepted it. It's amazing to me. Mary's love and acceptance to follow GOD. How often I fight what God wants me to do. How often have I unknowingly turned against what GOD wants from me and reacted or did my own way. I think most of us are guilty of that.

One of the other things we discussed was how at times God allows us and our children to suffer. That even in bad, a greater good is in works. Will we always see or recognize that good immediately. I don't believe so. I still struggle seeing any good from Jordyn having cancer and dying, yet I have to believe that through all that she and we went through, there is something good and glorious that came from those 14 months of battling cancer and her ultimate death.

A personal thought I had that went along with what the Chaplain spoke on in his sermon was this: "When we're in God's house, truly his house, we'll grow in favor with God and men with wisdom and statue. To grow in favor and in grace of God. As parents we must be obedient to God in raising our children." I don't believe that God's house is only stone or wooden buildings that most of us call a church. It can be our home, it can be in the car....it's where we're fellowshipping with others and sharing God's word, love, etc.

I need to go to church. I need to learn from others, so that my own relationship with GOD can grow. I learn and absorb while in church, from the sermon and other parishners. I love talking to others who love GOD. Some are farther in their walk with the Lord, some are about where I'm at, and some are just starting their walk. I am kept accountable there also. I have really been working at surrounding myself with others who love the Lord. Does it mean that I stay away from those who are not walking with GOD, no, but I feel for myself it's very important to surround myself mostly with fellow Christians.

When I came home today. I kissed my boys, sat down and prayed for all of us. I need to do that more often, daily at least if not more. I challenge each of you to look at where you're at today, this moment in your walk with Christ. Are you standing still, going backwards, or moving forward.

I pray you have a wonderful Sunday! We will be leaving in about 20 minutes for Awana! We haven't had it in 3 weeks and I think we've all missed it!


God Bless and Happy Sunday!

Saturday, January 7, 2006

The Bible and the Old Wicker Coal Basket

The Bible and the Old Wicker Coal Basket

The story is told of an old man who lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson.  Each morning, Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading from his old worn-out Bible. His grandson who wanted to be just like him tried to imitate him in any way he could.  

One day the grandson asked, "Papa, I try to read the Bible just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book.  What good does reading the Bible do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and said, "Take this old wicker coal basket down to the river and bring back a basket of water."  

The boy did as he was told, even though all the water leaked out before he could get back to the house.  The grandfather laughed and said, "You will have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the old wicker basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was "impossible to carry water in a basket," and he went to get a  bucket  instead.  The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water.  You can do this. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.  

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got far at all.  The boy scooped the water and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Papa, it's useless!" "So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for the first time he realized that the basket looked different. Instead of a dirty old wicker coal basket, it was clean.  "Son, that's what happens when you read the Bible.  You might not understand  or remember everything, but when you read it, it will change you from the inside out." That is the work of God in our lives - to change us from the inside out and to slowly transform us into the image of His son.  Moral of the wicker basket story: Take time to read a portion of God's word each day; it will affect you for good even if you don't retain a word.  

Thought for Today: Gods Love is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end.

Thursday, January 5, 2006

5 Crazy things

These are the rules of the game: You must write a journal entry listing the 5 things that drive you CRAZY  ~ as well as the rules of the game... Then, you select five people to tag and link their names/blogs in your entry... Go to their journals and leave a comment informing them they have been tagged by you and to read your journal to see in what way they have been nailed...! Those five then MUST write an entry listing What drives them crazy and tag an additional five people... 


1. Liars, there have been a few people in my life that seem to lie with ease and struggle to tell the simplest of truths.

2. Leaving your blinker on while driving and NEVER turning!

3. Drivers with the cell phones plastered to their face, like their the only person in the world (it's a safety issue!)

4. Whining...2 and 4 yr old..nuff said! LOL

5. Mom's who don't get it and don't want to get it.

I'm adding a 6th one and most important

6. Ignorance about Childhood Cancer. Kids are dying from this disease and people just keep putting their heads in the sand. Cancer kills more children than ANY OTHER CHILDHOOD DISEASE COMBINED (including Ped. AIDS)...we NEED MORE FUNDING PEOPLE, more RESEARCH, and people have to stop living in denial!


The next 5...who ever wants to! :)

Wednesday, January 4, 2006


I feel so numb right now. Remember I'm in Germany so I'm anywhere from 6-9 hrs ahead of those that live mainland USA. I woke up this morning to the news that 12 out of the 13 miners are dead. I cried. I cried for the families, for the miners, for the 1 that's alive. I cried thinking of my friend who lives in West Virgina...who's dad medically retired from the mines and who's oldest brother works in them. It seems like such senseless deaths, so many safety problems throughout this past year and these deaths that just didn't have to happen. I most definately will be watching, listening, reading to see what all comes out of this "accident". I ache for the families, going from fear and probably almost despair, to the utmost in joy, to the deepest of sorrow all in a 3 hr time period. Death is never easy, even when expected. When you're told though that your loved one is alive and then soon after told "we were wrong"...can anyone other than those going through this truly know that feeling? The only one I know is God, he's it. None of us can ever know how another person feels.

I have a huge pet peeve when someone says "I know how you feel". No you don't, you know how you felt when you maybe went through something similar, or can imagine how you'd feel...the best any of us can do is relate and that can be a stretch for most.

I pray that all these miners knew our Lord and Savior. I don't know if they did though, but it's my hope and I pray that their families will turn to Christ instead of turning from him. So often we're so apt to praise him for the good, and curse him for the bad. We seem to forget he doesn't promise us tomorrow. Tomorrow is never promised in this world, and we so easily forget that. If we accept Christ as our Savior we are promised an Eternity in Heaven with our King, but we MUST accept Christ as the one, true son of our Lord, God Almighty.


So I cried a lot during the day because of that. Then this evening Extreme Home Makeover was on. Now remember we don't get most things "live" or exactly when you do. Our new season just started tonight...so it was for the soldier who lost his right leg in Iraq after an IED attack. I cried so much during those 2 hrs....I feel just numb at this point. I think sometimes there's a daily allotted amount of tears one can cry and I feel I've reached my amount tonight.


I've also been thinking about last year and what it means to me, what the year was like for me, etc. I'll either do that post later or tomorrow.


God Bless

Monday, January 2, 2006

5 Weird Things

I was tagged by Darlene....I'm supposed to name 5 weird things about me then tag 5 more, we'll see how weird I am! I think I'm pretty normal! ROFL!


1. I am actually excited about homeschooling my children vs sending them out of the house. I'm not a mom who normally says "oh I can't wait til they can go to school and get out of my hair"....I'm finding most people are opposite of me in that.

2. I enjoy vaccuming. I do...it's my favorite chore!

3. I don't like Survivor! The show drives me nuts, so I don't watch it!

4. I have a horrible memory for many things, the one time in my life I didn't even have to write things down, although thankfully I had mind enough to know eventually my brain would return to it's natural state, was while Jordyn was fighting cancer. I could remember what time she had every chemo, bone marrow asperate, spinal, and the names of all her medications and the chemo's she was on or had, etc. I wrote everything down on a big calender though so that now since my brain doesn't seem to retain all that information at the front I can look it up.

5. The last weird thing about me...I have complete peace over Chad being in Iraq. That's not really weird, that's all GOD though!


The 5 people I'm tagging...hmmmm....Hunybea's Open Journal, Traci, Betty,Kelly(2),Louie


Sunday, January 1, 2006

The Chronicles of Narnia

Jacob and I went to see this tonight! Oh it was WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!! I highly suggest

going to see this movie if you haven't and reading the books, a MUST! We've been reading the series to the boys for a while now, we're on the 5th book of the series. We read a chapter a night. The boys love them! Tonight Jacob loved the movie and knew all the characters. We're going to go and see it again on Thursday and taking Jack! I can't wait!!! LOL

God Bless