Saturday, February 26, 2005

The pounds will come off!

Well I started Weight Watchers over a week ago. This past Thursday I weighed in and lost 8.2 lbs! I am so beyond happy that I can do this! I need to lose weight desperately. I'm fat, there's no other way about it. I know that with my weight and height I'm considered obese medically. I feel it too. I'm tired, run out of energy far to quickly, and lose my breath so easily. As a mother of 2 toddlers, it just doesn't mix well.

I'm doing this for me, but also for my family. I want to be healthy most of all, I want to feel good about me, and of course I want to look good! I know to some a size 12 is big, but oh I'd LOVE to be down there again. I had some really cute jeans and expensive ones that are a size 12. I have never been able to let them go, smaller sizes yes, because I knew I'd just never get there again and if I did I deserved NEW clothes! LOL

I have 100 lbs to lose, so I'm now down to about 92 to go! I am hoping that with in a year if I'm not to my goal, I'm close. I could accept being with in 20-30 lbs of my goal in a year. That'd be a 70-80 lbs loss. I know it's going to take a lot of work, but I can do it.

I'd love for Chad to come home to a wife half the size he left her, feeling better about herself. I know the weight loss will not heal the hurt that is inside. I do know that I've been disliking myself for so long because of this weight that it'll help in that area anyways. The rest of it, is a lifetime of pain and longing for a little girl who I was blessed to have in my arms for 2 precious years. The rest of the pain is issue's with parents that I either have to learn to let go of, or settle completely for once and for all.

I'll keep you updated in my weight loss. When I've reached my goal, I will proudly announce my weight! I'm sure it's more than what other women would be happy with, but I know that my goal weight is a healthy weight for me and that with toning and working out, my body is going to look good! I'd love to be healthy and looking good when I turn 30! We'll be moving to Germany right before then, so to go over there being healthy and feeling great will be FABULOUS!

I'm hopefuly that when we get there I'll be as good as I was when we lived there the first time and go walking often again. I loved walking there. You could easily go on a walk and see at least 20 or more others out going for walks. We would go on 10 K marches too, I can't wait to do those again.

I know moving back to Germany will be so bittersweet, memories of living there with Jordyn, good and hard all wrapped up in one. Of course everyday is like that. :)

Ok, I'm finally getting tired. I am hoping I get to sleep in tomorrow since Chad's home. I have to go clean the church, but otherwise I hope to be outside with Chad and the boys most the day. I'll go clean during their naptime. Try to talk Chad into moving the living room around while I'm gone so I can get my scrapbook table actually set up and I can start scrapping every evening once the boys are in bed and hopefully during naptime too at least 2 or 3 times a week! I have a feeling I won't be here as long, once I get going! LOL


Monday, February 21, 2005

The Notebook



If you have not seen this movie, run and buy it. Yes I said buy, because imo it's that good. I have heard the book is so much better, but since I've only seen the movie all I can say is I love it. It's got humor, romance, tearful moments. It's the perfect chick-flick. I will say though  Chad watched it with me and really liked it as well.

I'm buying this movie next payday! I am just in love with this movie! :)



Sunday, February 13, 2005

Cat Got Your Tongue? It's a funny!




Cat Lover or not, this is hysterical!
 We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can Top
 this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
 my excuse, I always get the feeling my boss thinks I'm lying. On one
 recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth
 was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained
 a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By
 then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the
 top of my head.
 The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
 to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
 problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I
 heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
 "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
 pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
 "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
 There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
 outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
 behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
 stuck my head
 under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember
 It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
 No, it wasn't the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal
 teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling
 objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around
 the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
 precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
 unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
 I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Blindly
 rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
 hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with
 a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
 "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up
 into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my
 ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
 When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
 not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
 kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were
 all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while
 trying to suppress their hysterical laughter and not succeeding.

 Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
 in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
 me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
 talk about, which it was.

 "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

 If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

The Bible and a deck of cards


It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some
reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of
the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid
them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of
the platoon?"

The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with
the Lord."


The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."

The soldier said, "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles
or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by
studying this deck of cards."

The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives - the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on
tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of
eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week -52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

Each suit has thirteen cards - there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."

The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for us.

Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.  Protect them as they protect us.
  Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need.

I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.


When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world. There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful. Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier or Marine, prayer is the very best one.

Friday, February 11, 2005

St.Baldrick's Day!

Well I've been a moderator on the  St.Baldricks website for a few weeks (St.Baldrick' and today I decided I'm going to be a coordinator for an actual event! So, if you know of anyone in the Northeast to Central Kansas area, please tell them about this event. For those who don't know, the money raised in this event goes to Childhood Cancer Research, in hopes to find a CURE for Childhood Cancer. We need shavee's, volunteer's, and of course donor's! If you want to donate/sponsor someone let me know. Chad's going to be shaving his head! I have to get him up on our website on the St.Baldrick's site! Once I have it up there, I'll put the info on here and also in the link area on this page! I know, I know shameless plug! It's something I really believe in though! Well have a goodnight, I'm going out to AppleBee's with some wives from Chad's company!



Wednesday, February 9, 2005

It's My Birthday!


I feel special, oh yes I do! Today is of course my birthday. I woke up to roses that Chad bought from Jordyn, carnations that the boys picked out, and exactly the gift I had told him I wanted, a Craft/scrapbooking table and chair to go with it, and 3 beautiful cards to go along with them!

Then I get on here a few minutes ago and I have 6 ecards! Three, yes that's right 3 lol  from my dear friend Kelly! A card from Robin for those who like to read journals there are 2 to check out if you haven't already! (Ok did you both a shameless plug! LOL)

I'm really, really hoping that Chad makes dinner tonight. I do not want to go out to eat or have him go pick anything up. I want him to make me my favorite home made meal. Granted he's never made it before, but it's one of those almost fool proof recipes, if you just follow the recipe that I have written down! It's not one of his favorites, but it IS MY BIRTHDAY right? He told me last night he wants me to take Jacob to Awana and take Jackson with me, so obviously no break for me today, but if it means I come home to a wonderful yummy meal I'll be ok with that! LOL

I am also curious what kind of "treat" he's going to get for me. He said no cake which is ok. I LOVE German Chocolate with Coconut Pecan Icing, but otherwise I could give or take other cakes, like them but don't HAVE to have them! :)


Hope you have as good of a day as I'm having! Oh I got my new driver's license today too! It wasn't as much as my mom had said it was, just $22.00 vs 30.00! Still not great, but not as bad! Kansas now sends all the information to DC and then we get our license in the mail 6-8 weeks later. So for now I have a reciept with my picture on it and all the information! I hope I don't tear it! I have it tucked away hopefully safely, but yikes! Nothing like delayed technology, I guess! I had to take the boys with me, luckily no one else was in there so Jacob was good and sat in the chair and sang songs from Star Spangled Banner to many Christmas songs! LOL The 3 ladies who worked there clapped for him and ooh'd and aah'd over him and his singing abilities. Yes, I will happily brag on my children, Jacob is quite the singer and has a mind that is as sharp as a tack! Give him a song, he'll memorize it!

Jackson walked around shaking his booty to Jacob's songs! LOL **I'm not thrilled about the picture, because I'm so huge, but it's done. Of course once I lose all this weight I'll have to debate to have the picture retaken or just suck it up and see it's my last "official" fat picture!

Guess I should go, Jackson's asleep, I have laundry to do (ha as if I'd do any laundry on my birthday!)..I am sure I can figure out something to do though!




Monday, February 7, 2005

Birthday gift for myself!

Well I've been very overweight since Jordyn going through chemo and then dying, and 2 pregnancy's. I'm at my highest weight w/o being pregnant and I'm getting close to that weight peak everyday it action MUST be taken.

I HATE being fat. I am fat too. I'm 100 lbs over my ideal weight for my heighth, so I'm joining Weight Watchers! I have a friend from church who's lost 70 lbs with them and she said she'll be there to help me when I need her. Amazingly she looks so very tiny and not a bit of working out! I'm planning on doing the gym along with Weight Watchers (which I know they do recommend as well) so I'm VERY hopefuly that this weight will start coming off and maybe by the end of the summer I'll not be quit so embarrassed in a bathing suit. I've never stopped wearing a swimsuit, because I just like playing in the water with my kids far too much, but I wouldn't mind not feeling so embarrassed to be honest.

I'm ready to not be winded when chasing Jacob around the yard and I'm ready to be able to play that physical play that little boys love to do for longer than what I can right now, which just is not that long and DEFINATELY not long enough for Jacob's liking.

I am a Christian and proud to shout it from the rooftops and know that without Jesus's love and help I will not be able to do this. I'm not glorifying him in this body. I feel miserable so much of the time, there's a deep sadness that engulfs me at times, and although I'm not stupid enough to not realize a good deal of it's from Jordyn, there's also a sadness that I've allowed myself to become what I NEVER wanted to become...FAT. I know the girl who used to feel good about myself (ok I was conceited) is in there. I don't want to be quite so "big headed" over my body, just want to feel good when I look in the mirror and and feel GOOD in general.

So if you're reading this pray for me! I need your prayers. I've been in such horrible habits for so long, eating the wrong stuff, eating way too much of it, and finding an addiction to Pepsi/RC, that without the help of WW and your prayers, and having Jesus help me, I am not going to be able to do this.

Oh, on a side note, Chad's really excited for me. He's going to do this with me, he's not going to go the meetings, but he's going to learn the points system and not going to set me up for failure. He really needs to lose weight too. He can't work out like he wants to because his knee is really messed up and right now it's standing in his way of a much deserved and needed pray for Chad too!


Ok, time for me to go to bed!


God Bless and Thanks! :)

Tuesday, February 1, 2005

Birthday's and let downs

Picture is at Jacob's party on Saturday. He has a great time. Huge turnout, 12 kids 5 and under! LOL yes we are a little crazy! We had it at the bowling alley. Jacob's wanted to bowl for a very long time and he said "It was the best party ever!" It was a lot of fun, when we got home we put Jackson down for a nap and were sorting through gifts, and putting things together when exhaustion hit me! I took a 2 hr nap.

Yesterday was Jacob's birthday. I took cupcakes up to his class and they all sang to him and he has a fun time being center of attention! We came home and he got to open up a couple of gifts and I put aside a few things for Chad to give him when he got home, since he was out at the range all day and didn't get home til really late.

I was really disappointed though, not a single person called Jacob yesterday other than Chad to wish him a Happy Birthday. Yes my parents and brother were at the party, but they never called to wish him a Happy birthday ON his birthday. My best friend didn't call,no one.

It sucks, he's 4 yrs old and no one could think "oh maybe I should call him". I know he doesn't quite understand, but I do and it shows me that my family sucks.


Ok, I'm done venting......


I have a beautiful 4 yr old son, that I'm so lucky to have and GOD couldn't have blessed me more with him.

God Bless and thanks for my ranting! :)