Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Breaking Free


Today as every Wed. was PWOC, (Protestant Women of the Chapel...aka Women's Bible Study). For those outside of the military PWOC is Army wide, well it started off just Army spouses and has now spread through the rest of the branches of the military.

So anyways we're in our 5th week for the Spring session and the class I'm taking is Beth Moore's Breaking Free. Anyone who's ever done a Beth Moore study knows it'll kick your butt all over the place and this one has done it so well! Each weeks study is 5 days worth of work. Day 5 was on Hearts Broken By Loss. I swear I think she wrote this just for me, ok well God definately spoke to her and he knew one day I'd take this study. We each spoke about different days of the study and how they touched us and effected us and of course this was "my day".

I would not have made it through the death of Jordyn without Jesus. I just can not imagine how anyone gets through a single day without our Lord, much less when drastic things happen in a person's life. The worst thing to ever happen to me is my daughter being dx with AML leukemia and then of course dying from it 14 months after her diagnosis. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever. So much in this chapter spoke to me and simply knocked me on the floor.

Beth goes through different points in the study and the 1st point for Day 5 was this: "Christ never allows the hearts of His own to be shattered without excellent reasons and eternal purposes." That statement in and of itself is mind blowing, but then she goes on under that point and says "Our Father would never allow our hearts to break for trival reasons. We may never see the reasons like Mary and Martha did, but could we walk by faith and believe the best of Chrst? You see, the most debilitating loss for a Christian is not the loss of a loved one but the loss of faith."

Trust me when I say the death of your loved one is debilitating, but she is so correct, the devestation that would be without Christ there holding me, is something I can not imagine. Trust me I was furious with God for allowing Jordyn to die. I wanted him to cure her the way I WANTED him to. I wanted him to rid her precious little body of the cancer and allow her to grow up. Instead he showed her mercy and took  her home to Heaven. In my mind she'll always be that sweet precious 2 yr old little girl.  It's been nearly 7 yrs since Jordyn died and the thought of going through these last 7 yrs without Christ by my side is impossible. The first many months, possibly year, I struggled to turn to Christ. My husband though, oh he was my shining example of Christ.

Point 2. Christ never allows any illness to end in death for a Christian.

"Even if we believe that death is not the end, our hearts often lag far behind. All believers in Christ will rise from the dead......Neither does it have to be the end of life of the l oved one left behind-but too often, it is.

Point 3. Any kind of "death" is an invitation to resurrection life to the believer.

"Nothing is more natural than grief after a devestating loss...When our hearts have been shattered by loss, we have an opportunity to welcome a supernatural power to our lives. It doesn't have to come any other way. That power is the power to live again on tis earth when we'd really rather die. ...God becomes the only explanation for our emotional survival and revival. Perhaps the most profound miracle of all is living through something we thought would kill us. ...A life indeed absent of something or someone dear but filled with the presence of the Resurrection and Life.

No, my life will never be the same....The life of a Christian is never about sameness. It's always about change. That's why we must learn to survive and once again thrive when change involves heartbreaking loss. We're being conformed to the image of Christ. When our hearts are hemorraging with grief and loss, never forget that Christ binds and compresses it with a nail-scarred hand. Life will not ever be the same, but I have the invitation from Christ to rise to a new life-a more compassionate life, a wiser life, a more productive life. And, yes, even a better life. Sound impossible? It is without Christ. "


Ok that's what touched me, broke me, and bound me back up to Christ last night. God is good, he's gracious and he can take the absolute worst thing in our lives, and use them for his good and to give us goodness as well. He will not waste our hurt.


jckfrstross said...

i love bible study:) have a good evening and thursday:) is this the weekend you guys go away?


ukgal36 said...

Again I envy your faith.. you encourage me though Christy... thanks for sharing..

randlprysock said...

I relate to this after the childhood I had.  It is true.  Eternal purposes... that thought has carried me through so many hard days and hardships.  I know you especially will be touched by that study because of your dear Jordyn.  Someday in heaven we will all be together and I will get to meet your beautiful Jordyn.  Hugs,

ksgal3133 said...

Thank you Christy for writing faith surely has been tested the past year and I needed to read this.


xxroxymamaxx said...

Taht's wonderful.  I loved this entry.  Love, Shelly

lifesabench6 said...

WOW Christy~ You did something that so few ever can~ You left me speechless.  God Bless you, and thank you.  Love Carolyn :)