Saturday, May 21, 2005

Soul Searching: What is my purpose

I've been doing a lot of soul searching today. I have given my heart to Jesus, yet do I walk in his footsteps or allow him to carry me through the many rough spots that come my way? Not often or at least not often enough. What do I do instead? I'm hurtful, bitter, angry, judgemental, easy to jump on others, critize others, and just over all look down my nose at others.

Do I do anything right? I believe so. I never sway away from my beliefs in Jesus Christ as my savior and I truly ache for those who do not know him and the truth. I don't pursue beliefs that go against what GOD commands us such as wican, budist, etc. I believe in the one and only God, Jesus Christ, our Savior.

I'm doing my best to raise my children up in Christ's love. I give disipline and set boundaries, yet let them be who God has made them to be. I'm not a mom who just rolls over and lets her kids do what ever, yet I don't have an iron fist. I realize that as a mom I will and do make mistakes, many of them, yet at the core of it, I'm the adult they are the child. I don't NEED to by my child's best friend, I need to be their parent.

I'm a good friend. I love my friends with all my heart. I will ache with them, love them, laugh with them, cry with them, and fight for them. I may not have 50 close friends, but I do have a handful of AMAZING ones who I wouldn't trade for the world and who know that I love them and know I'm here for them day or night.

I love my husband. He may get on my nerves, hurt my feelings, I may not be the best "housewife", yet he knows when we're expecting company he can count on the house to appear to be nice and orderly (rofl, it's not, but it appears that way! LOL). I cook for my family, wash their clothes, kiss, and hug them, and say that I love them every single day normally on average (and yes a couple times I've counted how many times out of well curiosity and maybe a little boredom!ROFL) 20 times a day to each person in our home! My husband knows that as crazy as I get, I'm here and not going anywhere. I'm here for the long haul.

So with all those good things, even with the negatives thrown in there what is my purpose? Do I know what GOD wants me to be doing right now? I feel in my heart I do. I'm a mom and a wife and a friend. Most importantly I'm a child of God. I will continue to make mistakes, yet as long as I'm willing to learn from them, then I feel in my heart I'd doing as God wants me to do. He knows I'm going to mess up and even fall flat on my face. Oh how unworthy I am, how unworthy all of us are. Yet here we are, here I am. HE gives me grace everyday, he gives me his love. He's allowed to be bring 3 beautiful children into this world. He holds one of them in his arms right there in Heaven with him, and how blessed I am to know she's safe with him. I never have to worry if she's being hurt.

So what is my purpose? To be me, Christy. To be the child of Jesus Christ. To be the wife to Chad, the mother to Jordyn, Jacob, and Jack. To be a friend, and to be kind to even those who are not my friends. I struggle at times with that last one, so the last thing I feel I'm supposed to do/be is to constantly be growing and learning, to be bettering myself all for GOD's glory. That's my purpose and well I just came to that realization as I wrote this all out. :)




barbpinion said...

YEP! You said it all right here." all for GOD"s glory." Loved this entry.

fairylaura said...

You are right. We are all put here on earth for God.. we live for God. You are doing just that. You are raising your kids the best you can, you are a good wife, and you worship God. We are all judgemental at times.. no one is perfect.


truetomyboo61302 said...

YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT!!! and it is okay to make those mistakes because we are all not perfect by far. I think you are doing a wonderful job as a wife, friend and mother. I am so glad you came to realize your purpose. Hugs, Katie God Bless

pixiedustnme said...

You are so beautiful - i mean just listen to you!  Amazing :-)