******All pictures above were taken during her bmt it was taking too long for YGP to load to edit and put names, so just know it's family and dear friends*********
Six years ago today, November 19, 1999 my little girl Jordyn had a bone marrow transplant. The transplant itself was actually fairly non eventful. It was simply a bag of clear marrow, being pumped into her body just like the many times blood and plateletts had been pumped into her. On this day though, we thought without a doubt in our hearts, that she would be given a new life. A life that would be without cancer, a life that would allow her to grow up, become a bigger little girl, preteen, teenager, and then a woman. A life that would give her one day a husband, maybe children (most likely would have been through adoption since the chemo and radiation fried her female organs, namely those precious ovaries of ours), but a new life non the less. We waited every day anxious to hear what her new counts were. That was a day of new beginnings, what we didn't realize was that that new life would never become.
She went through all the chemo, the total body irradiation, that bone marrow transplant, mouth sores, vommitting, listlessness, and then finally the counts to start coming up, what we thought was a new life forming inside of her because of a generous 39 yr old male, only to find out Feb 1, that the leukemia was back with a vengence.
That day though, November 19, 1999 was a day of HOPE. True and limitless hope. I was the one who clamped her central line (or as we lovingly called them...her tubies) closed as the very last itsy bitsy drop of new marrow went into her system. I sat there with anticipation. Chad and I talked about Jordyn's future and our dreams for her. I long for those days of ignorance bliss. I long to hold my little girl in my arms again, even if there's the sound of machines beeping in the background. I long to feel her sleeping peacefully in my arms. To feel her sweaty head against mine, soaking my own hair from hers. To smell her sweet smell.
I want that day back. I want that hope of life continuing back. Right now, I want and long to go back to 1999. Does someone, anyone have a time machine I can borrow, even for just a few minutes. Please? Can't I feel her in my arms just ONE MORE TIME?