Thursday, November 24, 2005

As most of you know who visit here regularly we're an Army family currently stationed in Germany and loving it. I haven't shared a lot about what I consider extended family (my parents, inlaws, siblings, etc) my "family" is my husband and Children, everyone else falls under extended.

Well, today my extended family just sucks. I really don't like that word in general and it's not one I say outloud around my children and try not to say it. I don't consider it a cuss word, it's just not a nice word you know and I figure I'm a pretty smart girl, I can be more creative...but sometimes that word just sums things up.

At 8 am, Chad called to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. That was a WONDERFUL surprise. He doesn't call very often, it's easier (and cheaper) to get online, plus then we get to see his wonderful face AND hear his voice (thank you webcams!)....that was the only phone call we recieved. Since we moved over here I've had friends call me from the states, Chad's mother has even called (let me tell you that's a HUGE gasp there), but my parents nope, not one single time have they called me. When Jack turned 2, I just KNEW they'd call, and t hey didn't. I was horrified, I mean it. It broke my heart that my parents didn't call. My mom is HUGE on appearances, loves to judge others, etc...well she failed big time. She can't even use being at work as an excuse not to call Jack, because his birthday fell on a Sunday this year, so there was truly NO excuse not to call. I've called them quite a few times, called earlier this month on my dad's birthday...because honestly I think that's what you should do...let them know you are thinking of them on those special days and on other days.

I'm done. I know it doesn't sound very Christian or loving. I just don't feel like I can open myself up for the hurt anymore. My mom emails and we "talk" that way. My dad's older brother is dying and they don't expect him to be here come Christmas, so I'm guessing instead of getting a curtiousy call that he's died, I'll get an email.

There are plenty of calling plans for overseas, especially Germany, they knew for quite a few months before we left and my dad had mentioned many times that they needed to call and find out who was going to be cheapest or what the rate, who knows if they did...even if they did it seems calling us doesn't seem to be a priority. I just don't understand and at this point I'm not willing to listen to any excuses.

When Chad was deployed last yr, we had a huge fight and didn't talk for 6 months. It's when I really need them, their support, they just suck.

It's no longer Thanksgiving here in Germany since it's now 12:01 I'm feeling pretty unthankful to my parents for just being them and letting me down. I don't think I'll ever understand this and I'm really trying to use them as a learning experience on what NOT to do with my own children. I think for the most part the negative things I remember from my childhood, so far I've not done with my boys. None of us are perfect and I truly don't expect that. I guess I just expect MORE from them. I used to feel pretty close to my parents. I just have one sibling, my parents have been married for 30 yrs, I'm their only daughter. I gave them their first grandchild/granddaughter, I've given them their ONLY grandsonS....but somewhere along the way, I wasn't what they expected I guess. I got fat, I married Chad (who they like), but I moved away (which they don't like), I am my own person, I make them feel convicted because I'm very open with my thoughts and feelings, although I've been VERY careful to not be convicting (does that make ANY does to me anyways! LOL)...I don't know.

This is really just a venting post, and I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up in a better mood. We'll be decorating for Christmas in our home tomorrow! I'm excited about that already. I'm still not sure where I'm putting the tree at. I guess I'm going to have to do some rearranging. It'd help if we didn't have two computer desks in the dining area (our living room dining room is all one HUGE room), where the boys computer is...would be a PERFECT place for the Christmas tree, but there's no way I can move that desk it's quite heavy. I will most likely move the tv caddy corner and place the tree in front of the window. :) I guess I'm done for head is starting to hurt, I SHOULD go to bed (huh


God Bless


nightmaremom said...

I'm so sorry your day didn't go as planned, but there are lots of folks that think about you and hope for the best.  Happy Thanksgiving!

happysunshien said...

:(  i am sorry your day didnt go like it should have...we love ya...we can be your extended family!


angcrewswife said...

:( sorry to hear about your family. I know the feeling sometimes. One day it will get better. I think. Happy Thanksgiving

deshelestraci said...

I am so sorry about your family.  Not fair.  My sister and I didn't used to talk much and I couldn't figure out why.  It wasn't until later that I realized it was because she was miserable, and in a miserable marriage.  They are separated and now we talk 3 or 4 times a week.  
I take it that they aren't Christians.  Mine aren't either.  It just makes things harder, since on most levels they don't "get it".  I called my parents last night and only talked to them for a few minutes.  My mom was playing a card game with my sister's neices.  She is ruthless even when playing against  a 4 and a 7 year old.  I didn't talk long.  I guess they would have figured out that they hadn't talked to me after I had gone to bed (time difference), so I was glad I called when I did but still.
Sorry about the ramble, Traci

lv2trnscrb said...

Christy; I'm so sorry. I have found that often the people we love the most are often the ones we treat sometimes the worst. I find myself at times treating perfect strangers better than I treat my hubby and son and I'm working on changing that. I think your post sums it up well in that you are trying to look at what they did wrong and how they handled situations and use it as a model to do something different in how you raise your family. I often then families get into cycles and traditions carried from generation to generation. I commend you for seeing that a change has to be made and to step out and treat your sons and Chad differently. It hurts, turn that part over to the Lord.


randlprysock said...

I know exactly what you mean Christy.  I've got a similar situation going on and I'm not even overseas but may as well be.  Hugs,

pixiedustnme said...

so, how's the decorating coming?? :-D

djohn52 said...

Hi Christy!

My boys were born on Air Force bases.  I enjoyed going home to visit, but most of the time I was really happy being off on my own.  We were stationed in Biloxi, Mississippi, England, and Bellvue, Neb.  So at those times "family" was the other military families.  

It's got to be hard being overseas and still not have your Chad with you. (My oldest son's name is Chad.)  While we were in England my husband was sent to Sardina for a year, so the boys and I were sent back to Indiana until he came back to England. Then we went back over again.  My youngest son Brandon was born in England during the first short trip there.

We never got calls from home in England either.  This is weird, the one time I did call home my Moms phone didn't ring.  She had picked the receiver up to make a call and there I was on the line.  Freaked her out!!!!  She couldn't figure out where I was, thought I had come back home somehow!!!!!!!

Hang in there! Military life is sometimes lonely, but a lot of fun too!


tillysweetchops said...

Hello Christy,

Speaking as somebody who has myself been very disappointed in life by family, I can really empathise with the hurt you are feeling. Somehow it wasn't meant to be like this, was it?

Howver, I see that you mention your mother does email, so there I see hope. I'm thinking that she's just a bit "thoughtless", some people are. Maybe before you truly despair you should send her and email (if it's easier) and just let it be known in a gentle manner that you really miss the sound of her voice. Get that in now, so that when Christmas rolls around, she will have no excuse whatsoever.

Best of luck and I hope you're feeling a bit better today!

Tilly xx

blondepennierae said...

Reading this makes me feel so sad for you.  I never had problems like these with my parents, unless you call being very attentive a problem.  I think Tilly's suggestion to gently remin them might be a good one.  Let us know if you do that and how it turns out.  Pennie