Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I want to write :)

I feel like writing, although I already just sent an entry. Maybe it's me, but aren't there times when you just want to talk or write even if you really have nothing to say? I seldom have much to actually say to people, although I can use a lot of words! I know that makes no sense, but in my head I know what I'm talking about.

I have discovered something about me since Jordyn died. I don't NEED people that much. I like having at least 1 or 2 close neighbors. Right now I have none. I like 1 of my neighbors, but I don't feel close to her at all. I had another neighbor that I liked and enjoyed visiting with, but never felt close to her. Before we moved to this house we lived in an apartment. When we first moved there we had 2 WONDERFUL neighbors who to this day I'm still in touch with and love and miss so much. This is probably the worst thing about military life. You meet great friends and then one of you moves, never knowing if you'll live close to them again, but praying you will (if you both remain in the military that is).

Right now I'm lonely. I keep praying for 1 really good neighbor. The problem is I'm picky, probably too picky. I want someone who's a Christian, doesn't smoke, doesn't cuss, doesn't cheat on her husband, is not dependant on seeing or even talking to me every single day, preferably has children the same age (not a requirement though). Gee in the military am I asking for too much? Yes, I know nearly impossible, not completely but pretty darn close. Ok, now I am willing to be friends with someone who cusses, but they do have to respect that we don't and not to cuss around me or at the very least make a true attempt not to. The smoking thing is big for me and anyone who knows me, knows this. What's funny though is that one of my friends from when we lived in the apartment, "A" she actually did smoke. When we met though and she and I got close and she came to know Jordyn she quit smoking. She said that the guilt that she was hurting her son with her smoking was just too much. I will give her credit, she barely smoked...many days she never even had one. She's an amazing person and I love her so much. I wish she lived here still. Her husband got out though and they moved back to her hometown. I actually just got to see her, of course the visit just made me miss her that much more. She has a little girl now that's 1 1/2 months younger than Jackson. She has a little boy who's 2 yrs older than Jacob and they play so well together. She was the kind of friend who if I needed someone to watch Jacob she would. (Side note: when she was smoking still she would NEVER smoke while she did have Jacob and wouldn't allow her husband to smoke inside!) I never worried about leaving Jacob with her, and if she lived here wouldn't think twice to leave Jackson with her too. My other neighbor "D" was amazing too. I miss those kind of neighbors to much. People you can laugh with, be stupid with, stay up on the phone together listening to your crazy neighbors fight and try to kill one anothers (yes another joy of the military housing life!). Now I'm on a street where 99% of my neighbors smoke, they cuss (1 of them Cuss's and calls her children 5 &2 vulgar names), and honestly I have no idea if they're Christians or not...I'm not holding my breath.

I told Chad yesterday that I'm so lonely and just want 1 good friend here. His response was "you have me". I told him that I know I do, but it's not the same. My best friends are people I've met online. I talk to them everyday almost. I'd be lost without 3 of them. T,K, and E. K always makes me laugh...oh my gosh, girl I love you. E is such a blessing to me, she makes me laugh, smile, cry, and holds me in awe of her faith. T, I love her.

Well I suppose I should end this, it's prob. over my limit! I guess I could go to bed..but well anyone who knows me knows that's just not going to happen this early! ROFL! I know I'm sad!

1 comment:

pixiedustnme said...

Thanks for always being willing to stay up all night with me laughing and crying.  I know I would not have survived these last 4 1/2 years (and stayed sane) without you.  I love you. - K