Right now, Chad has the car and Emma's diaper bag is in it and so is my camera. Just a moment ago my little 7 month old was trying to pull herself up on the dining chair. She's by no means the earliest of my children to attempt this feat, she's right in the middle actually. Jordyn was cruising furniture at this age, as was Jacob starting to, although Jack was in no hurry. I just want Emma to slow down. I'm in absolutely no hurry for her to accomplish all these tasks ahead. I know I can't stop them and I haven't been trying to lately either, LOL...I just wish she'd remain a baby longer than she will. I know reality is she has to grow and I DO want her to, but can't the babyhood stage just stick around a little longer than it does? It's this beautiful, precious time that goes by in the blink of an eye and before you know it, you have a full fledge toddler running circles around you, as you collapse in exhaustion wondering what happened to your sweet little baby. I'm no stranger to this, Emma is my 4th, I've got a clue as to what's happening, as I watch her crawl on her KNEE's, in the hunt to find something that she most likely shouldn't have, but thinks she needs! LOL As she sits and looks at me with those bright blue eyes, and jabbers away the whole time, saying "dada" among other things, I think of how it feels like just yesterday I was bringing home this helpless little baby who did more sleeping than even eating and now she does more moving and shaking than anything. This time is precious my friends. I get that. I know how precious life is, I've been blessed to give birth to 4 children, I was honored to be the one to hold my Jordyn before anyone else and was honored to hold her as she took her last breaths. I GET it.
I see God in everything in my home. I see the life he's created over and over, the grace he's shown ME when I have deserved anything, but grace. As I listen to the songs from my children, their sweet innocent voices, the giggles, and even the tears I know that I'm more blessed than I deserve. Why God has allowed ME of all people to be who I am is nothing short of a miracle in and of itself. Yet here I am. Life's not easy, there are hardships that at times are almost more than we can bare. None of us dream of having a child and then turning around and having to bury them, yet it's what happens to some of us.
I never dreamed I'd have the life I have. I never thought in a million years I'd marry a man in the military, that I'd live not once, but twice in Germany. I NEVER dreamed I'd ever feel so at HOME anywhere but Kansas, but have found that Home is where not only the Army sends us, but where most of all God places us and for now that home is here in Germany and I absolutely love it! I never imagined I'd find such joy and peace in my life after Jordyn died, yet here I am!
Babies are born and babies grow, too fast, they turn into toddlers, then into these little children that when we go back in our own minds remember being that age. I worry constantly that I'm doing it right. I want my children's childhood memories to be full of laughter, joy, and most of all God. They will look back at hardships I NEVER had to face as a child myself. As a military kid, as kids who's dad is gone about every other year, who's lives have the knowledge that even for them tomorrow is not promised by the death of an older sister who they never got to meet here on this earth, yet know in their hearts because Chad and I have done what we can to keep her alive to them in the best way we know how. Life is full of twists and turns in ways we never imagine...both good and bad. It's what we make out of those twists and turns though, how we praise God, even in the storm...that's what matters.
I hope your Monday is full of Praises for our Almighty. I pray you see him even in the storms that life throws at you.