March 30, 1998..the best day of my life, exhausting but God made me a mother that day. I would have went through days more labor and pain for even a moment of having her in my life. Instead I went through 17 hrs of slow progressing labor, stalled labor, and then no progressing labor and in the end a c-section. She was worth it. I always think of how horrible it is when I hear someone say how awful the birth of their child was (and I have heard/read horrible things about people talking about the day their child being born as horrible, because they get so fixated on what THEY went through vs fixing their eyes on the true gift of what GOD gave them...that precious beautiful baby).
God blessed me beyond my worth 8 yrs ago and for that I'm forever greatful. I miss my girl and can't imagine what she'd be like as an 8 yr old. I know she's safe in Heaven and in Jesus's arms. I'd never want her to come back after being up there in perfection. I do miss her though, and I do wish she would have never had to die and I could be watching her grow up into a beautiful little girl.
Tomorrow's NEVER promised, not even for our children. The only promise of tomorrow we have is if we believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior. How thankful I am to have that promise to lean on. I am worthy because Christ died for me. I imagine his love for me is like the love I feel for Jordyn, Jacob, & Jack, times about 1,000. How unbelievably blessed we are.
"Thank you Jesus for giving me not just 1 day with Jordyn, but for giving me 2 yrs 1 month and 8 days with Jordyn. I didn't deserve a single day of her, yet you gave her to me anyways and allowed me to love her and feel her love every single day of her life. I miss her Lord. I long to feel her in my empty aching arms. I know one day I will again. Thank you for your unending love for me and for the comfort of knowing Jordyn's safe. Thank you for the comfort while I weap when I just don't think I can miss her anymore. Thank you for holding me close last night as I cried out to you in heart break. You're my savior, my father, my omega."