Friday, March 24, 2006

7 yrs ago...our world turned upside down

March 24, 1999 a little before midnight, German time...our world as we knew it ended and a new one began. Our precious little Jordyn who was 6 days from turning 1 yr old was dx with leukemia. It was another day or two (unfortunately that's just a haze to me as far as exactly what day we found out what type she had) before we were told that she had the type of leukemia the pediatrician told us to pray she DIDN'T have. She indeed had AML leukemia and worse yet she had CNS (centeral nervous system) involvement...meaning she had leukemia in her spinal fluid. When she was dx she had what appeared to be a lump on her temple, we thought that only days before she'd bumped her head in the childcare room at church. We were wrong. It was a cluster of leukemia cells.

That night I can still feel the terror of the unknown that awaited us. Would she be dead by morning, would she be dead in a few days? Those were the thoughts going through my mind. We were initially told that she would be flown to Walter Reed in the morning. We hurried and called a good friend to take care of our dogs and cat and who we'd be giving power of attorney to, to take care of our household goods and car to be shipped back to the states. I can still remember  calling my family. My parents had just moved into their new home they had built, just 1/4 of a mile down the road from the one they built when I was in the 8th grade. I had to call my grandma who lived in town (she later bought my parents old house with her other son). and told her I couldn't get ahold of Mom and Dad and told her  Jordyn had leukemia and asked her to drive out to Mom and Dad's and have them call me back. With in an hour they were on the phone and we were all sobbing and t hey were planning on coming to DC as soon as we got there. I am sure Chad called his mom, but  honestly I can't remember. Jordyn was up in ICU for the night. Initially they tried to put her in a tented bed for her breathing treatment (she had croup, which is what brought us to the ER that night), of course what almost 1 yr old wants to lay in a tented bed...so t hankfully they let me hold her and either Chad or I held the mask up to her face as she slept on our shoulders, as we sat in those ever so comfortable chairs. That morning, about the time we thought we should be leaving for Ramstein to get on a plane, the dx pediatrician came in and said there was a change of plans...she wasn't going immediately to Walter Reed, that instead they were sending us to Homburg University about 20 minutes down the road (NOT HAmburg, but HOmburg). It was of course daunting to be going to a German hospital, but we were reassured that plenty of the staff spoke English well and she'd be getting the BEST care. They were correct. She had Germany's leading Ped. Oncologist as her dr. How blessed we were to have this man over our precious girls care. Not only is he the leading peds oncologist, he has a heart of gold.  He'd come in to Jordyn's room and have tea parties with her. He was great about talking to Chad and I and explaining everything to us, and making sure we had no questions unanswered.

Seven years ago, I started crying and literally cried for the next 48 hrs, then I was able to give it to GOD. I never imagined my daughter would have cancer. I never imagined we'd live in a world that cancer and all that it entails would become our new NORMAL, and I never imagined that just 14 short months later, I'd bury my beautiful, beautiful little girl.

God does not promise us tomorrow. He does not promise our children tomorrow...not on this earth anyways. He does promise that if we believe in him, and accept Christ as his son, we will have a tomorrow in Heaven. I'm so thankful that I know I will see Jordyn again. I know she has no more pain, no more tears, there's only joy and laughter coming from her now.

I pray that if you have  not accepted Jesus Christ as your personal living Savior you will. Jordyn taught me more in her  2 yrs 2 months and 8 days of living than I had learned up until that point. I wish she were here. I wish God would have cured her body of leukemia the way I begged him to, but he didn't, and I know without a doubt that his love for me and for Jordyn in inmeasurable and he KNOWS BEST. I don't understand it, but what I do  understand is that all things are here to Glorify our Lord. God is GOOD. He gave me just over 2 yrs with Jordyn and those were 2 yrs that I did NOT deserve to have her. I don't deserve any of my precious children...yet God blesses me with them. I'm so thankful that I and only I  can say I am the mother of a beautiful girl named Jordyn Ashleigh. 7 yrs ago my world changed, I found that I was stronger than I ever thought possible, that my marriage was stronger than I knew, that my husband was stronger, that  Jordyn was stronger than I ever could imagine...most of all I saw that God's grace was stronger thanall those combined.

 

7 comments:

sangrialel said...

I am in total awe of your faith.  I pray each day to have the kind of faith that you have!!!  You are an awesome woman and I know without a doubt that God made you that way for a reason!  Linda

lv2trnscrb said...

amen, Christy. You understand it; you get the big picture. Awesome! I'm so sorry for all the pain you went through and the pain you go through now as you remember Jordyn, but you know she is in such a wonderful place and one day you will all be together. You are a great testimony of living for the Lord.

betty

scotthlori said...

I sit here sobbing ... such a beautiful entry.  And I love how you shared your faith in the end.  I am sure it will touch many as it did me.

God Bless You, Christy.

{{hugs}}

Lori


Who I am… underneath it all:  http://journals.aol.com/scotthlori/DiscoveringMe

My Spiritual Journal:  http://journals.aol.com/scotthlori/PreciousMetal



chevyz71gurl74 said...

Betty couldn't have said it any better....
As i sit here reading this...It brought me to tears...
and yet at the same time...i feel such a sense of
peacefulness and calm ~ You are such a special person ..
You are an inspiration to me...I just started going back to
church 2 weeks ago....and seeing the strength the Lord has
given you to get through these trying times...and how strong
your faith is ~ only makes me want to go even more!
Thanks so much for opening my eyes...i'm sure as well as many
others ~ The importance of having a relationship with Christ!
God Bless you... =)
Hugss...~Terri~

cdittric77 said...

She is needed more in heaven, and that makes her love so much more powerful than it could have ever been on earth. The beauty of it is that she can do so much more for you now than she could during her whole life.

Have you read wisdom, chapter 4? It's a very good message about early passing.

Charley
http://journals.aol.com/CDittric77/Courage

newhope03 said...

My Christy,

I am so touched to read your words tonight.  It has been one of those days where I've just gotten too caught up in the tasks of everyday life and not stopped to THANK GOD for this moment.  I am so thankful for you and for Jordyn and for the way her story brings such glory to God in not only how she lived, but also how she brought her very parents closer to their Creator.  She had a big job to do and she did it with such an amazing smile.  She is my inspiration.  I sat watching a St. Jude program tonight and just sobbed.  Nothing pulls on my heart strings like children in hospitals.  God just lets them reach right to my heart.  And it's because of Jordyn and your faithfulness to share her story that keeps me watching when my heart's so broken and it will be what keeps my feet moving toward the direction of the Infusion Room when I am too afraid and overwhelmed to go.  God has GIVEN me this opportunity to love on HIS ANGELS and I HAVE to go.  Thank you for letting Jordyn teach me that. ;)  You are such an awesome blessing in my life.  I love you so much more than words.

Emily

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."  1 Peter 5:7

deshelestraci said...

I would love to take your burden of grief!  But knowing that God is in control makes it a little easier.  
Praying for peace in your soul,
Traci