Monday, October 24, 2005

Sleep, I want sleep

I have insomnia, have since Jordyn died. I have tried everything but medications to get to sleep, it's yet to work. I feel tired, my body is tired, my eyes are tired, my mind is going though. It's got so many thoughts in it just spinning around.

I have struggled with giving this to the Lord, and I just yank it back. I truly believe until I give it to God fully and completely I'm going to be fighting insomnia. I don't know why I do this, there has to be a reason. Why do I keep taking it back from God? Why do any of us take back to God that we first give to him? It amazes me that he even ALLOWS us to take things back. What a gentle God he is. I'm not nearly as gentle a mother to my boys about certain things. How unworthy I feel so immediately . I know I'm not worthy of his love or forgiveness, yet he gives it to me, he gives it to all of us who accept Christ as their savior.

I think I need to get off of here, and at least dive into my bible and let his word sink into my brain.


I want to thank everyone who's either posted a comment or emailed me with bible verses for Chad. I truly apperciate it.

I also would like your opinions. I'm thinking of starting another journal. It'll be strictly about Chad, his deployment, and our life without him. I'm going to ask him to write up journal entries as well. I could have him do it in email and I'll just C&P it in, and make sure no details that shouldn't be shared with the public's edited out. This would maybe give people who are not part of the military, don't know anyone who's been deployed, or have never heard or read about their TRUE experience over there.

The media is full of half-truths, and big fat lies about Iraq and this war. Maybe we can help show others what it's really like for at least one soldier. I'll even ask him to share some stories from his first time around. I haven't talked to him yet about this, so his part of it is not for sure yet. I'll let you know more when a decision has been made.


God Bless


fairylaura said...

You know ever since Adrian joined the Army in '99 I have had trouble sleeping. It started when we first moved away from home to Ft. Drum NY. I would stay awake til 4am and finally fall asleep. Weird. I went to the doc for it and she just told me to take some Simply Sleep by Tylenol.. it's just something to help you sleep.
I have been reading the bible the past week. It was something due to school. I know I should start reading it again. I started back in 2000 reading it.. and put it down once Lo was born.
I think the idea of a new journal is nice. Something to look forward to. I agree with the media and stuff. It's disturbing that they're this way. Take care girl!


globetrotter2u said...

I do not have anyone in my family in the military right now, (Praise God) but I can tell you that  I for one would love to hear the truth about how soldiers feel about Iraq. I know that the media is filled with half-truths, But I also should tell you that I feel very strongly that the Bush administration lied to the American people in order to go to war. It's coming out now via the Karl Rove/Liddy debacle. I do support the troops wholeheartedly, which is all the more reason that I need to hear from the horse's mouth exactly what is going on. So I support your endeavor completely.
I an sorry that you can't sleep. I can't either. Sometimes I try soft music, sometimes nothing helps.
Please don't be so hard upon yourself. Yes, we are all sinners, but God loves us and doesn't want us to beat ourselves up.

hunybea4him said...

My sleeplessness is almost always self induced and when I put it off it always catches up with me so I can't give you any advice on in insomnia.  Maybe if you find a few scriptures about rest.. his rest and peace and pray them that will help combat it?  His word never comes back void.

I would love to hear stories about Chad and his deployment!  I don't know if it is necessary to keep it separate from your current journal.  I have tried to keep up more then one and found it to be tedious so my journal is a hodgepodge of everything in my life.. but other people have one for just about every category in their life and are fine with keeping them I guess it is just a matter of personal opinion.

Much Love,

lv2trnscrb said...

I think it would be wonderful to start another journal about Chad's deployment. I hardly know of anyone in the military so it would be an education to me.

I know what you mean about giving things to the Lord and then taking them back. I do that a lot with circumstances. Its when I finally give it to Him, then I'm finally free of it and get the peace I so crave and usually answers to prayers, but its so hard to do.

I hope you can get some sleep sometime; its hard to focus without it especially being a mom of young ones.


kiplingcrissy said...

I am a cheater, when I can't sleep (atleast 3 times a wk.) I take unisom.  It only happens on the days when I am over worked. If I force myself to stay up and fold laundry or wash dishes when I am already dead tired then once I get to lay down I can't go to sleep.

I think a second journal or even added extra entries in this one is a terrific idea. The general news media makes it seem as if our military is doing nothing but cause harm and kill our men and women. When it is absolutely untrue.  So, I would love to hear about what it is like over there.

deshelestraci said...

I like this idea.  I would read it for sure.  But you could do it in this journal too.  I am sorry about your insomnia.  No fun I am sure.  I ended up contacting my friend from elementary school to find out if her husband was still in Iraq.  He is a doctor in the Air Force.  He is home for now but was gone for most of last year and arrived only 2 weeks before she had their second child.  He may have to go back this winter she said.

newhope03 said...

Fellow insomniac here...

I love you.  And I love you for turning me back to God time and again.  You know I walk with Him daily but I love it when you lift my eyes to His when they seem to have fallen for a while.  Thank you. :)  It was so wonderful to talk to you.  You brighten my days!  Anyway, the journal sounds fabulous!  You could be famous.  I agree, we civilians need some TRUTH.  And how awesome of you to offer.  I'll pray for you and Chad as you make the decision whether to share this intimate time of your lives.  And here's a Bible passage from me to Chad... It starts with Eric's verse.

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you iwll trample the great lion and the serpent.  
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.  He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Psalm 91:11-16

God bless you for doing this for my family.  Tell Chad thank you for me.

sangrialel said...

I think that is a great idea!  Let me know what you do, I would love to be able to read it!  Lelly

bekahbutterflies said...

Pray about the journal.  I think it would be a good idea, but will pray with you about it.   I love you and chad and the boys.  (((((christy))))))

randlprysock said...

I think the journal is a great idea!  And I will say prayers for you about the insomnia.  I too keep taking things back from the Lord that I should not.  I've been waking up early lately when my body is just exhausted and also go through bouts of laying awake at night when I should be sleeping.  Lots of other stuff too bugs me from my past and I grapple with sorrows better left unthought of.  Every once in a while though it all hits me and my heart takes a dive.  Things remind me of stuff and sometimes I think it would be better not to have the memories at all.   I feel a change coming but haven't identified what it is yet.  It's got me tense.  Hanging in there and praying you do too,

gaboatman said...

This new journal about Chad sounds like a great idea.  I'd like to know more about what is really happening over in Iraq.  Thanks for stopping by my place and leaving your nice comment.  I'll be back here more often!

tillysweetchops said...

What an excellent thought. It would be fascinating to get an insiders view.
Tilly x