I have insomnia, have since Jordyn died. I have tried everything but medications to get to sleep, it's yet to work. I feel tired, my body is tired, my eyes are tired, my mind is going though. It's got so many thoughts in it just spinning around.
I have struggled with giving this to the Lord, and I just yank it back. I truly believe until I give it to God fully and completely I'm going to be fighting insomnia. I don't know why I do this, there has to be a reason. Why do I keep taking it back from God? Why do any of us take back to God that we first give to him? It amazes me that he even ALLOWS us to take things back. What a gentle God he is. I'm not nearly as gentle a mother to my boys about certain things. How unworthy I feel so immediately . I know I'm not worthy of his love or forgiveness, yet he gives it to me, he gives it to all of us who accept Christ as their savior.
I think I need to get off of here, and at least dive into my bible and let his word sink into my brain.
I want to thank everyone who's either posted a comment or emailed me with bible verses for Chad. I truly apperciate it.
I also would like your opinions. I'm thinking of starting another journal. It'll be strictly about Chad, his deployment, and our life without him. I'm going to ask him to write up journal entries as well. I could have him do it in email and I'll just C&P it in, and make sure no details that shouldn't be shared with the public's edited out. This would maybe give people who are not part of the military, don't know anyone who's been deployed, or have never heard or read about their TRUE experience over there.
The media is full of half-truths, and big fat lies about Iraq and this war. Maybe we can help show others what it's really like for at least one soldier. I'll even ask him to share some stories from his first time around. I haven't talked to him yet about this, so his part of it is not for sure yet. I'll let you know more when a decision has been made.