Monday, January 23, 2006


I've been sick since yesterday and just when I think I'm feeling better, I start feeling horrible again...actually right now my back is starting to hurt, but I can't go to bed because I have diapers still washing (yes I use cloth diapers...LOVE THEM!)...ah life is fun in our household! At some point I am going to get this apartment organized and kept up. I don't expect perfection, dang I think perfection would probably annoy me! LOL I'm not a cleaning fanatic, I wish I was more on that way...but well I'm not and it's something I've come to grips with! :) LOL!

Anyways, I was asked a week or maybe two weeks ago how I could find contentment in "just being a mom". This was from another mother, so to say I was blown away is an understatement! I looked at her and I guess I could ask you "how do you NOT find contentment in being "just as mom"." I know God has a special plan and gives us each different gifts. Now I'm not one that always shows a lot of patience with my children and it's actually something I'm working HARD on currently, I haven't been doing so well (so please pray for me in that area), yet with all the struggles of being a SAHM I can't imagine not being here for every moment. I'm homeschooling too! Now I have already heard the questions "what about socialization" some research and you'll see that most homeschooled kids have MORE social interaction with kids their own age and so many other variety of people, because they're not constraint by the strict schedule of public and private schools that 8-3 (or what ever your public/private school's hours are). We have more flexibibilty, we have more options of field trips, of hands on learning in so many subjects. Math can range from text book work to cooking (measurements) can be experiments inside and finding amazing discoveries outside! History, well we're living in Germany...this country and all of them in Europe are FULL of history and well my children are "blessed" with a mom who LOVES history and enjoys to travel! To say they'll be historied out is probably going to be the understatement of their schooling life....but I hope it'll be something that sticks with them forever! We get to read the bible as part of our studies and I get to teach my children REAL history of our country vs what schools are teaching more and more sadly (changing what our founders believed, why they truly left England, etc... sadly A LOT of public schools are not teaching accurate history and that is a true disgrace to our country and our ancestors). We'll be starting I believe it's this Friday PE with other homeschool families, and we're discussing a few field trips together! It's so exciting that my children are going to be recieving such hands on they won't have to fight for attention with 20-30 other kids, and hey no one could ever say I wasn't an involved parent in my child's learning! lol!

Anyways...homeschooling wasn't the main reason to post tonight. It's the SAHM vs Working Mom. I know not every woman is meant to be a SAHM, and there are some kids who are truly better off going to daycare or home care or having a nanny, etc vs having mom home. I do think it's a much more difficult balance though when mom works and don't envy them at all. I worked for 4 months after Jacob was born...from 2mo-6 months and it just killed me to know I was missing out on all these great things he was doing for 8 hrs a day. His provider was about a 2 minute drive from my job, so my lunch hour was spent at her house nursing him, cuddling him, and just spending time with him..but it wasn't enough. We'd get home normally between 4-5...I'd nurse him, make dinner, play with him, and then it was time for him to go to bed..I was getting 3-4 hrs in the evening with him...max, an hour in the morning, and an hour at we're talking 6 hrs during daylight was not nearly enough. I was missing out on smiles, laughter, hugs, cuddles, nursing, just holding him, laying on the floor with him, walks with him, too much. I never regretted quitting my job, which I did love...but not nearly as much as I loved Jacob. Chad was so supportive. He'd told me he'd rather have me home raising our son than someone helping in that endeavor...his support meant the world to me, and I can still remember the joy I felt not having to get up to an ALARM clock and waking up my little guy...but instead letting him wake us up as we cuddled in bed together.

I guess this person who asked me just doesn't have the same mindset as I do and maybe God's not leading her to be a SAHM. I'm so thankful God's given me this gift and that although at times money gets tight...we've been able to have me be a SAHM with all our children (take out that 4 months). There's not a single moment of being HOME with my children that I regret.

I also don't understand when people/mom's wish their children to grow up faster than they already are. How many of you have heard "it goes by so quickly". It does. My Jacob is about to turn 5. FIVE! How? Wasn't he just born? Wasn't he just a little toddler learning to talk, learning his abc's, learning to ride his bike, learning to count? Now he's almost 5. Wow these last 5 yrs have flown by. I want time to slow down. No one with children who are teens or older need to tell me to cherish these days...I get it. It goes by too quickly. I want time to slow down just a little, is that too much to ask? I want to breath them in just a little longer. He's so full of questions, that urgency to learn, he wants to know everything and now. The questions he'll ask me blows me away. The "commercials" we have on tv over here are not the American Commercials. They're geography information, history lessons world and American...a few weeks ago he asked me about Hitler. Let me tell you I never thought I'd be having a conversation with my 4 yr old about the Evil Hitler, and explain to him how the beautiful country we live in was so full of HATE, deep, beyond my own understanding cruelty. No, most definately I will not be taking him to any concentration camps...but at the sametime I did my best to break it down on his level that he was a bad man, who killed people because they didn't meet his mold, etc. He didn't understand why a person would do this, and well it's hard to explain that when it's hard for me to understand that sort of hatred you know, but I told him anytime he wants to talk about it...we can. I don't bring it up and he's only asked two other times since. He deserves his innocence. He knows enough about death with the fact that his sister is dead. Thankfully though we have the hope and joy of Heaven!

Wow...this entry really went off on it's on little way didn't it! I'll just end it in saying, THANK YOU JESUS. Thank you for entrusting these little boys in my care. For giving my heart the desire to be with them every single day to watch them wake up and to see them to sleep and every other joy and not always joyous events in the middle! Thank you for showing me the joy of life through the eyes of a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old. How humbled I am.


angcrewswife said...

I can completely relate. Since the day Sere was born I wanted nothing more than to spend every waking minute of my time with her. Those who work full time out of the house I give a lot of credit to but its not for me! I will keep my part time stay at home job with my full time sahm place and homeschool my children. It never ceases to amaze me the questions that little minds want to inquire about.  I wish I was able to homeschool in germany there is so much to learn just within the culture and history of the area.
Maybe one day you can take a field trip to Austria and bring up the questions your little one asked you about Hitler. Even Beautiful places have ugly.. Hitler being one of them. You can tell him about how thats where he was born etc etc.
I wish American TV had more "intellectual" commercials than what we have now. The only questions from tv I seem to get anymore is "can I have that?"
           Wow sorry I practically wrote my own entry in your comments lol
                     Take Care and Good Luck on Homeschooling!

lv2trnscrb said...

Christy, I think its wonderful you are going to homeschool! I've said that before and I also know statistically home schooled children do excel a lot more than kids in public schools or even private Christian based schools. I can't tell you how many years in a row a home schooled kid usually wins the spelling bees here in town that go on to the state championship, etc.

Glad you made the right choice for you to stay home!

hope you feel better soon.


deanfm6 said...

Hey sweetie....I had to tag you...cuz, like, I just had to.


happysunshien said...

I could never homeschool...and I applaud you for being able to...Kadie would be missing within a couple hours...lmao...I loved being at home with them when they were little....loved every minute of it...I loved being pregnant....wish i could do it again....but as far as school? no my kids need the structured environment or I would be sleeping till hot dogs for breakfast and of course there would be no schoolwork during Days of Our Lives or General Hospital...lmao....


sangrialel said...

You are so very lucky to be able to stay at home with them.  I would have loved to of been able to stay at home with mine!  I used cloth diapers also and loved them too!  Lelly

jckfrstross said...

Enjoy them while they are little:)


randlprysock said...

I totally agree with you that the SAHM is the way to go if it can be done.  I miss it so much.  I don't like being a WAHM though anymore because I'm divided in half all the time.  I will probably never be happy until God allows me to be a SAHM.  I'm tired, have worked most of my entire life and just want my husband to get a really good job or us to find a really el cheapo decent home to live in so I can retire.  But, alas, we need the income and Florida is not cheap.  I'm doomed to having a career.  I may as well suck it up and try to do my best.  Pray that God makes this brief as surely my heart is not in working at all.  I want to be a housewife and cook dinners and clean my home and help my children and sew and all that which God intended for me.  Hugs,

angelm0304 said...

You are so right....they grow up way too fast.  I was a SAHM for the first 17 months of Nicholas's life.  I was here with him 24/7 for 17 months and now I work full time and I miss him so badly when I am at work.  My husband is old fashioned and tells me to quit my job and become a full time sahm mom again and one day soon I will probably do that.  But seeing how we are behind on bills and now have medical bills piling up... I need to work a little longer.  But everytime I am at work, my heart aches for my baby boy.  
There are women out there that choose to never have a baby and I will never understand that.   Dont they realize what they are missing?!   There is nothing like carrying a life inside of you and then bringing that little life into this world.  Words just cant explain the way that feels.  I will forever be grateful to God for allowing me to be a mother.

katashawoolard said...

Just a Mom!!!!! Is that the understatement of a lifetime or what?  And coming from another mom, makes me want to question her views motherhood and parenting period. I get so tired of the disrespect and disregard that people have for the hardest and most important job in the world. I get those kind of questions all the time and somtimes (NOT every time) they are fueled by those who are feeling guilty or jealous. God Bless you for home-schooling you have taken it to an even higher level.  I'm not sure if I could ever do that but I certainly admire and respect those who choose to do so.
Oh, in my eagerness to comment I forgot to introduce myself.  I'm Katasha-(LOL)

Take Care,
K. Woolard