Sunday, May 4, 2008

Clarity

First thank you for so much love, kindness, and prayers from you all. I've had some sleep and well with that comes clarification, and I was also able to have a REALLY GOOD CRY and that brings on a whole new ability to see clearly as well. So I want to say that I do have really awesome and very good and close friends, to be honest this season of my life, this place here in Germany that God has brought us, has brought me some of the dearest and closests friends I've ever had in my life. I have my best friend T who is in the states and my Emily who's more often than not a saving grace to me, then I have B who lives here and I'm with everyday almost, well now I am everyday because I'm watching her daughter while she's at work for 4 hrs a day, and so many others. 

The problem is absolutely not with them, but with me not speaking up and saying I need YOU. That's an issue. I wish that I didn't have to say it, I wish they were mindreaders because the reality is I know all I have to do is say "I need to talk, I need to cry," and they'd be offering their shoulders/ears. But I'm stubborn, prideful, I don't know what but when I need them to be there for me I just need to say it. I think we all go through times where we are different things in our friendships and I've been the one who's been there to listen and that's a great thing because it allows me to  be silent which is something I really do need to do more of, but this week isn't a week I can be totally silent and I have reached out.

B called me yesterday and I was able to just get it out and let me tell you it felt good. Such a release, to just sob, say what I needed, and to hear someone on the other end not say a lot, but just enough and continue to remind me that Jesus has me and of course Jordyn. God has absolutely blessed me in the friend department and I'm thankful for that. I am sorry if I put it that I'm not blessed there, because honestly I'm more blessed than I probably should be!

Oh I have to share this. Another friend of mine J has VERY long hair. It's beautiful, red hair, it's own to the top of her waist. Well she's cutting 10 inches off, for Locks of Love!!! And...are you ready for this, she's doing it on Thursday...the day Jordyn went home to Heaven. Let me tell you that's the most precious gift God's given me this week. She didn't know that Thursday was Jordyn's Heaven date..so there we were hugging with tears in church this morning. How GREAT is our GOD?!!!!

We had a really awesome day today. We had church, went to a beer garden (beer is not the only thing served) They're very family friendly actually...cheap, but AWESOME food, cheap drinks and trust me normally pop (soda) is not cheap, but this was. There's normally a park/play area for the kids and this one was really nice. We had a great day! Once we left there we headed to another post to look for a few things, which of course they didn't have, then once we got back to our town the carnival was going on and it was the last day so we took the kids and had a great time! We got home about 9 pm! The kids got into the shower, and got to bed quickly and were out in no time!

I would like to ask you to pray for me during this week. Pray that this week will be as gentle as possible.

 

6 comments:

ksgal3133 said...

Sending you many prayers this week!

Hugs,
Gretchen

sangrialel said...

I will make sure to say lots of extra prayers for you this week.  Linda

cvgflydis said...

I cannot pretend to understand what losing Jordyn has been for you. I can only imagine losing one of my own and feeling suffocated by the thought. My heart breaks for your pain and prays for you peace, if there is such a thing after the loss of a child.

I DO understand feeling isolated in a room full.........and like you, I have a hard time asking for help......{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Christy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Angel

bhbner2him said...

How happy I am to hear you managed to share!  You know, many times there are people in our lives who would love to show us how much they care or appreciate us, but we seem so self sufficient they can't determine a way to meet a need.  So, while being a constant whiner or crier may be a drain, we are actually allowing those who care the opportunity and the blessing of ministering to us when we don't crack the door open to what is going on inside of us.  -  Barbara

lifesabench6 said...

Hi Christy- K, I've blabbed enough on my last 2 comments- so know Im keeping you inmy prayer.  Godbless Sweety~ love Carolyn

ekgillen said...

You are definitely in my prayers this week.  
(((GENTLE HUGS)))
Gillie