Monday, April 18, 2005



Natalie Grant

Two Months is too little

They Let Him Go

They Had No sudden healing

To think that providence

Would Take a child from his mother

While She Prayers, Is Appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued

What has changed and

Why should we be saved from nightmares

We're asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair


This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And You Survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everthing fell

We'd be held


This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and

Let the hatred numb our sorrows

The wise hand opens slowly

To lilies of the Valley and tomorrow


This is what it means to be held

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And You survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held


If Hope is born of suffering

If this is only the beginning

Can we notwait, for one hour

Watching for our savior


This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be Held

(Repeat chorus)


This song has touched me more than I can describe. I'm going to be singing it at our church on Jordyn's 5th anniversary, which just happens to so cruely land on Mother's Day this year. I knew this day would happen, I just wished it wouldn't. I wish I never knew this heartache and pain.


I know in my heart that one day I will be with Jordyn again. I am always held by Jesus. I know that, yet sometimes I still feel like I am falling and wonder when he's going to catch me. I am discovering though, he does it in those little last night as Jacob layed in his bed wimpering because he "missed his sister". Oh how my heart aches for him. He never "met" Jordyn...I found out I was pg with him after she died...yet he knows her. He loves her, and he misses her. He misses the things he'll never get to experience by having that older sister. I ache for him. I ache for both of my boys, because they'll always be missing out on the life of having a big sister.

Yet, he catches me. He shows me that just because he never got to feel her kisses or hugs, or ever got to smell her sweet smell...he loves her. That's what matters. He shows me that our words and love for her, is enough...for him to love her too.

I know Jesus will never leave me or foresake me. I just need reminded of that every once in  while. He gives me my family and friends to show me that HE always holds me up, gets me through every day, and loves me no matter what.

I feel sad for those who don't know Jesus. Who don't know what it's like to have that unconditional love.For those who don't know if they're going to Heaven. That makes me ache.

I'm growing. I see that. I definately find myself going back to stupid habits...but up until just recently I didn't feel sadness for those who didn't know or accept the truth, I felt anger and superiority. I'm no better than anyone else. I just thankfully know the truth.

I wish for all those who are hurting in one way or another they'd know the comfort of being "held."


fairylaura said...

Love this entry. Your words of strength and love are hopeful. You are one awesome person. God has put you on this earth for a reason. To me you are inspirational. Just when you think you have it bad.. someone out there has it worse. Take care!


pixiedustnme said...

Somebody get me a kleenex...

malugenie89 said...

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance, or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere. It may be safe and comfortable but it will also be dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can always be learned from.

God bless you

kyajisika said...

"This is what it means to be loved, and the promise is that when everything fell we'd be held..." Its good to know that your faith in God is keeping you strong even through this tough time. Reading this entry really touched my heart and i hope that you continue being strong for your family and to know that there was a purpose behind all this, and this is something we can never comprehend, this is when we ask the millions of questions, but there is God who has our whole life planned out and knows the reason for each moment. It does hurt to know that there are others who go through this kind of pain, yet do not have hope that God has set in our hearts, do not fee that comfort of being held because they don't realize that God is there. In a way we are lucky to know the truth, but moreover a chance for us to share this truth.
God bless you and your family!

jadedjuly8 said...

Christy, I feel your pain.  I put in a few words to try to find the words to "Held" and got your site.  You are right in all you said; that b/c you loved your little girl, your sons will, too.  And you're, too, that you'll be with that baby girl again.  

I also have a baby girl in heaven.  Amy Melinda.  And I have a granddaughter there, too.  She was aborted by her mom, so she didn't have a name.  I named her after her mother and after the best gift God offers us:  Ashley Grace.  

God bless you, Christy.  And I know He already is.  He's walked this path with you.