We just finished watching The Passion of the Christ maybe 30 minutes ago. I could hardly speak. Chad asks me "well how'd you like it". It felt like possibly the most absurb thing and stupidest question/statement he could say at that moment. There are truly so few words. I sat there in almost horror as they tortured our Savior. The tears were few, but yet I felt them inside. It was like I was dry on the outside except for the few that could come out. I covered my eyes so many times, I was afraid to see what they had done to him next. Afraid of him looking into my soul and seeing just how unworthy I am.
I tried to go to bed, but in those few moments of just laying there I knew sleep would not be coming to me for a while.
So here I am. I have so many feelings inside of me and feel almost frustrated that I can not find the words to really describe them.
I do not understand how anyone could or does deny our Lord and Savior. How could anyone doubt that Jesus was born to die for us? I don't get it, I really don't. I have those moments of how could Jesus had been really a human and walked among other humans. Why would he want to be part of us? We are so unoworthy of his life, his love, his death.
I kept thinking about Jordyn and as crazy as this may sound, what she went through was nothing it seems like. Yet, I kept thinking at the same time that in so many ways it feels like Satan was almost ravaging through her blood as the leukemia. I know I sound crazy, but it's what kept going through my mind. She was not beaten almost to death. Nor did she have stakes driven through her hands and feet...yet she had something inside of her destroying her precious beautiful body and that would eventually seperate our souls from each other until that Glorious day I join her either through my own death or because JESUS returns to rule this earth.
I am still just almost I guess the closest word would be awe struck. I don't know any other words that could come close to describing how I feel. Oh how unworthy am I....
If you have not seen this movie, I truly think you should. I think everyone should HAVE to watch this. No it's not easy. It's not a movie you'll sit down with a bowl of popcorn and a glass of Pepsi with, but you need to watch this movie.