Sleepless

Ever feel like you're drowning, that everyone's watching, but they don't really see what is happening? You're screaming, but yet no one hears? You're struggling to get to the shore, but no matter how close you are to it, you just can't reach it no matter how hard you swim. Instead you seem to get deeper and deeper, the tide pulling you under. You're begging anyone to throw you a life ring. Instead they just stare at you like you're having a nice gentle swim.

I fell asleep last night about 10 on the couch, the last thing I heard was stupid CNN coming on and them talking about Greensburg, KS and saying our Governor would be on later. I remember waking up when he started the interview, all I heard was literally "blah-blah-blah", and I was out again. I woke up at 11 and dragged myself to bed. At about 2:45 I woke up and I laid there. I had a million things rushing through my mind, nothing of any importance and nothing I can even remember now, but it was all preventing sleep from returning. Around 3:30 I started going through the alphabet listing all the names for God, our Chaplains wife does that when she can't sleep and the peace of thinking of our Lord sends her off to sleep. It didn't work. Finally out of frustration and just sick of laying there awake I got on here and chatted with Kelly and Tami. I was on here for about an hour, finally at 5 I went back to bed. I knew Chad had to be up early this morning since he had to go to K-town and Mannheim. I woke him up, which maybe it was God's way of making sure he got up in time since Chad's alarm didn't go off when it was supposed to. He got up and was out the door by 5:15 like he needed to be, he's stuck in a stau now (traffic jam) on the autobahn, he's got 30 minutes to make his apt in K-town so hopefully he'll get there in time, he has 2 soldiers with him, they're dropping stuff off.

Anyways....Kelly thank you for being there for me this morning/last night. I just can't believe it's been 7 yrs. I miss Jordyn so much. Today hurts, tomorrow will be easier.

I have to say it'd be nice if life would allow us to just stay in bed all day long, feel the grief and start a new day tomorrow. Wish life would let that happen.