Ok first if you haven't read my previous entry please go and do so, thank you!
I don't mind when people share a childhood cancer website with me, and will always go and visit, pray for the family, etc. What I don't like is when someone sends me a link and tells me that because I've lost Jordyn that I MUST go and give a family support who's child just died from cancer.
Now I know most of you just can't understand this and I'm truly thankful for this, Kelly I know you can get this. I have a friend who sent me a link to a little boys website who just recently died from cancer and I quote "leave your thoughts with this family since you've been there...."
Ok I have been there, but it's not her place to tell me to leave my thoughts. Sorry but right after Jordyn died I didn't give a darn about others thoughts. My thoughts are not going to heal this family, which knowing my friend is what she thinks. My thoughts will not make it ok. Simply put this is THEIR grief, their child, and they will grieve him as they need to. If I feel LED to leave a comment that's my choice. Sorry this friend is one who loves to control everyone/everything and I just really want to scream at her! I'm probably being over sensitive right now, we're 5 days from Jordyn's 7th anniversary, I'm 6 months pregnant, so being told what to do by someone who doesn't have a freaking clue what it feels like to be in these parents shoes has no business telling me or anyone else what to do.
Ok I'm done with my vent now!
What I do ask is please pray for this family and every family out there who's lost a child or who's child is dying or who's going through cancer currently. IMO there's nothing worse.
Ok off my soap box.
Jeanne left a GREAT comment, and brought up some great thoughts so I thought I'd go ahead and address them! Here's Jeanne's comments and I'm going to address them
Personally, I think it's a soap box you DESERVE to be on because you are truly the one who knows how it feels to lose a child. We will never know how someone feels unless we walk in their shoes. I don't know the person you are talking about, but maybe she was just trying to do some good? Sometimes we TRY to help others and we just don't always do the right thing or say the right words....because we really DON"T understand. We just know it must hurt like hell and we want to help.
Don't know the situation here, but you have reminded me that in the future, I need to be very sensitive to what I say and how I say things in delicate situations.
((hugs))
Jeanne
I don't doubt she was only trying to something good, because her heart IS good. It's just a huge pet peave when someone tells me or others that they HAVE to do this or that. I know I'm without a doubt on edge being close to Jordyn's anniversary. I also know how I feel though.
Something your comment made me think of is when others will say to someone I know exactly how you feel. No one can possibly know how another feels, when they are not them. We can relate, but that's it. I mentioned Kelly in my previous and in this entry and although her and I have so much in common as far as losing children to cancer, I will NEVER know how she feels. I hurt for her, I ache for her, I wish more than anything that she had her Joshua...but I don't know how she feels and never will because Joshua was her son, as Jordyn was my daughter and no one elses.
Was her comment something simply mis-stated, probably. Am I overly sensitive, even more likely. Jeanne as you said...being sensitive to how we state something is the big thing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
8 comments:
Personally, I think it's a soap box you DESERVE to be on because you are truly the one who knows how it feels to lose a child. We will never know how someone feels unless we walk in their shoes. I don't know the person you are talking about, but maybe she was just trying to do some good? Sometimes we TRY to help others and we just don't always do the right thing or say the right words....because we really DON"T understand. We just know it must hurt like hell and we want to help.
Don't know the situation here, but you have reminded me that in the future, I need to be very sensitive to what I say and how I say things in delicate situations.
((hugs))
Jeanne
sometimes there is just never a "right" thing to say and given a sensitive mood even something harmless can be taken the wrong way. i guess that's just part of the joy of being human. but i'm with you - on this subject, do NOT pressume to give me directions. don't you wonder what people are thinking? yes we're part of this exclusive little club and it is something that only other members sort of understand....so this should be a clue to others that they should not even try to discuss the subject...right?!! Ya think they'd learn!
have a good weekend:) vent away i can't imagine what you have went through and still are:) keeping you in prayer
Deb
all I can say is (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))
your pain and anger is so apperent and I hope I am never on the reciving end of it.
Much Love,
Mary
Hugs to you....your right no one knows how it really feels to lose a child. Right after hearing things like that, well just feels like words being said.
Many hugs and prayers....I know how difficult this time is right now.
Gretchen
Hi Christy- I have to agree with Jeanne- not much I can add either. I've never had to deal with these pains, and I will never be able to imagine what others go through in these situations. I feel very sad, and empathize, but it's about as close as I can come to begin to understand. I'm sorry about your loss, and Kelly's as well as so many others out there- I wish childhood illness was something never existing- God Bless and be with you, comforting you and your family on this anniversary. My thoughts are with you all. Carolyn
I agree that we have to be sensitive to others feelings when making comments and that is one reason why I am reluctant to make comments because so many things that are typed can be taken the wrong way. Not saying you did that but you know what I mean. Anyway, I totally cannot imagine how you feel or how your friend feels or any parent who has lost a child because I haven't. All I can do is offer my support and love. So, love ya, Shelly : )
P.S. Have a great weekend.
Well said...good to vent...many hugs and love,
Joyce
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