I'm Free!

I'm all healthy and feeling so much better now! Yesterday I was feeling a lot better, but today I can say I feel 100% better. I still get the sinus's draining, but after having the flu...that's NOTHING! I felt so good I made us taco's for dinner tonight and oh were they good!

Today was a good day. I didn't have any other children here except mine. Oh how I can't wait until the baby I'm watching is no longer under my care. I don't know if I said, but the other baby it looks like Mom's going to be sticking around here longer than she was supposed to, so she put him back into the daycare center. He was the precious, sweet, very happy little guy...but it was only supposed to be for 2 weeks and turned into nearly 2 months! The extra money was nice, but seriously the time I have with my boys is more precious to me than any amount of money that takes even a little bit of me away from them. I don't know exactly how much longer I'll have the other little guy, at most into March and then he'll be heading to Jamaica to be with his grandmother while Mom is deployed.

I have to say today I just felt so free! Free to go where ever I wanted without feeling like I HAD to be back by a certain time (pick up time). Without the constraints of an extra little person to bring along, there are definate advantages to being past the infant stage...yes we still plan on having more children...but we don't have them right now and I have every right to enjoy just having two WALKING, TALKING boys! Man are they boys. If there's ice/snow packed up high to be climbed up on, they will climb it, if there's water puddles to splash in, they will splash! Yes, ladies and gentlemen I am the proud mother of two, "All Boy" Boys! I wouldn't change them if I could! There are days I think I may lose my mind, but you know I could feel that way without them!

I just looked in on them sleeping, so sweetly (is there anything more precious than a sleeping child???), and I just thank you Jesus for these precious gifts! I mean it. How blessed am I? I truly never thought I'd be able to love another child again after Jordyn died. Then I had Jacob and with his first cries all those fears were just literally WIPED away. The love I felt was so strong, it took my breath away...my initial instinct was to just hold and love him, of course they were stapling me up (yuck on staples, those suckers will NEVER go into my body again...stiches are the only way for ME to go!)...but I did get to hold him sort of in one arm, while Chad held him too, and I got lots of kisses in, then the nurse took him and Chad upstairs to check him all out...

Jacob will be 5 in a few days. I can't believe it. I just look at him and think "wow, 5" time just goes by too quickly. I wish so much people'd quit trying to wish away these little ones childhood. Quit trying to make them be older than they are. Quit trying to fill their minds with garbage that as an adult I don't want to have in my head, much less at what should be a completely innocent age. Jacob has more knowledge on things like death and cancer than a lot of kids do at his age...but he doesn't view it as morbid or scary so much as part of life, because for us that is what it is. His sister is dead and she died because she had cancer. He's starting to ask questions now such as "is cancer leukemia or is leukemia cancer". I give him the answer and just leave it. He'll ask as he wants to learn. I don't need to fill his head with tons of things. He knows that cigerettes cause cancer and can make people very sick and sometimes die. We don't allow people to smoke around our children, family, friends, it doesn't matter...NO SMOKING. I've lost one child to cancer, over my dead body am I going to let someone blow their nasty 2nd hand smoke into my precious children's lungs. If they're stupid enough to smoke, they can keep it away from my children. My parents haven't always liked that rule (we didn't set that rule up soon enough for Jordyn and I'll forever regret it and those who smoke...YES 2nd hand smoke IS linked to AML leukemia. It's a fact and I stupidly allowed it around Jordyn and I'll never forgive myself for that). Living in Germany, it's pretty hard to stay clear of it all the time, but we do our best.

Anyways.....Jacob's going to be 5...so I thought for the next few days until he does turn 5...I'll share a few pictures of my boy growing up over the last 5 years! :)

 

Jacob weighing in at 9 lbs 3 oz! He was a big boy!!!

 

My dad with Jacob the day we came home from the hospital...Papaw's first grandson! :)

 

My Great Grandma...she and Jacob share a birthday. She died Nov 2002, she died having at that point 77 grandchildren (Grand-Great Great Grands) and Jacob was the ONLY one born on her birthday...he was VERY special to her...she was 92 years old that day!

 

This is my Mom's Dad (oh how I love this man!!!) and his wonderful, wonderful wife Nona (I wish he'd met her years before he did). This was taken at my parents house, this was Jacob's first "trip". I think he was about 1 week old.

 

Well there's a few pictures of Jacob on his first days in this world! I'll put more up tomorrow!