Today's thoughts...

Well I didn't get a lot of sleep and the boys woke up (and me) at 8:30. This would normally would be a dream, but today not so much....Wednesday's are bible study day and I LOVE my PWOC days. I NEED this middle of the week, getting down deep, study GOD's desires for me, etc.

So with that, here goes something that I think about A LOT. I do NOT expect everyone or ANYONE for that matter to agree with me, but these are my thoughts and beliefs and honestly I do not care if anyone but Chad and God agree with me!

I am going to homeschool our boys. Now for how long I don't know, I have not started this yet, so I do not know how well it'll work out. I have 100% confidence as does Chad that at least for the first 2 or 3 yrs this is how we want to do this. Chad believes in me and in our boys that we can all do this successful. We have discussed that when he's home there will be subjects that Daddy will be the primary teacher (mathmatics and art) but there are times when Mommy is just going to have to do that!

Now with that said, I most definately don't expect others to agree (much less my own parents) and I don't expect everyone else to feel that God's placed it on their hearts to Homeschool, but we do feel this for our family. What really ticks me off though is when others think they have a RIGHT to add their 2 cents in on OUR decision, when in fact it's most definately none of their business. We have our own reasons WHY we're doing this and again we have NO reason why we need to explain those reasons, even though it seems many who do not agree think we OWE it to them.

Now you see the big thing is, homeschoolings not my actual rant today! LOL My annoyance is from some IRL friends over here in Germany that think they can and should question our decision NOT to send Jacob to preschool this year. He went last yr and he did enjoy it, yet it was a lot for a 3/4 yr old to go to school for 4 days a week 3 hrs a day, imo that was too much sometimes. Here they go 5 days a week for 3 hrs. I honestly have no desire to send my child off to a place where I hear parents DAILY tell me that "well they actually don't learn anything, it's more of a playtime"...so why would I willingly PAY someone quite a bit of money for 15 hrs of PLAYTIME???? That makes about NO SENSE to me. We are thinking about putting Jacob's name on the German preschool list, where they speak souly German, it is also more of a playtime, but he would be learning German andTHAT is VERY important to both Chad and I, and the benefits would be great. PLUS they're cheaper than the military preschool, he could go all day long or only an hour everyday, he could go once a week, twice a week..it's all up to me, and if he's not going to be there I don't have to call and inform them...and again the cost is less. Seems far more logical imho that if my child's going to be away from me during the week "playing" he be learning something that will hopefully stay with him for a lifetime to a degree at least!

So anyways, there's the vent. I don't understand why some parents feel it necessary to try to "talk" other parents "into" sending their child to preschool, public school, sports, etc..if that parent does not want to, has stated that fact VERY firmly, etc.

I feel very strongly that children need to be around other children that is not blood related. They need to learn to develop relationships outside of mom, dad, and siblings. I also believe that they do not need to go to school to do that...in today's world there are just so many other options for them to be socialized. My boys are very well rounded children, if I say so myself, very intelligent part of that is God-given natural intelligence, part of that is God-given "learned"! I have worked hard with my children to teach them things. I work hard in letting them play on their own, because it's NOT my job to entertain them 100% of the time. They must learn to play on their own, have their own imaginations, thoughts, creativity, etc. Are my kids perfect, my goodness no...I've yet to meet a perfect child and I'm afraid if I did I probably wouldn't like that child so much or would feel so my sympathy for that child and/or the parents I'd melt in tears.

What I know is that as a mother I have to do what I feel is best for my children. I listen to others, I read books, magazines, and the internet, I watch my children in what they are doing, what they are saying, etc, and most of all I seek GOD. He is the ultimate teacher and father. He knows my abilities so who am I to doubt him or question him? I already do enough of that and when I truly feel he's leading me in a direction that initially I was scared to death of, but that finally I'm starting to feel that I CAN do this and that I realize God will help me though it why do "friends" want to try and put doubt in there? I don't get it. I suppose they think they're helping.

So what brought this on you ask! Good question! LOL A friend of mine who's child is in preschool, but is a yr younger than Jacob brought me a letter because the preschool's getting a new teacher, she thought I might want to think about putting Jacob in there because the new teacher is someone I know and like. What she doesn't get is that it's not about "liking or not liking" the teacher. It's about the fact that we don't feel Jacob needs to be in preschool this year. I am THRILLED that I don't have to rush out the door at a certain time to pick up Jacob otherwise I'm charged a dollar a minute that I'm late. I like knowing that I get to watch my son learn new things daily. I love knowing that I am the one helping him learn to read, that I'm the one who gets to see that spark in his eye as he learns new words, as he learns that 4+4 is 8 (he did that today withOUT counting on his fingers!!). I love being a SAHM. My calling is to be a mom. It's not to work outside the home. This is where GOD wants ME to be. I do have a VERY hard time with this same friend tells me that she can't WAIT for her children to be older and in school so she can get a break and get away from her kids and have her own life. Honestly that statement stabs me in the heart, it breaks my heart into so many tiny pieces and I've heard it from so many other women and I just don't understand it. I can say "well it's because we lost Jordyn and know how precious this time is" yes that is part of it, but even without losing her, I knew how precious my time was with her. I LOVED seeing every moment with her. I loved hearing her first words, seeing her scoot for the first time, first smile, first steps..I got all those first with her, and there were so many more than I will never have with her. With my boys even at 2 and 4 there are still so many firsts to come and I don't want to miss them. I may miss some, but I think for the majority of them I'll get to see and experience those firsts in front of my own eyes. I am in no rush for my boys to grow up, not a single day. I love them as they are and cherish them. Do I get tired, of course I do. Do I sometimes count down the hours, minutes, SECONDS until they go to bed for the night..of course (especially with Chad deployed!)...but even on the worst days, of feeling like I just can't do this alone anymore...I can and I will and I'll love it. We get 18 yrs of them, by law we're responsible for them for 18 yrs, maybe they'll stay home a little longer maybe but who knows, what I do know is that given the average life span is OVER 70 yrs 18 yrs is not very much in the big picture, it's a moment...truly it's a very small moment of their life...but it's one of the most important "moments" and I don't want to spend it wishing it away. I don't want to spend it off at a job, "believing" that their first smile really came between the hours of 5-8 pm when we're home together and before they go to bed. I don't want a virtual stranger telling me they took a very woobly step, and honestly I don't want someone else to teach them to learn to read their first sentence...I want that. Selfish, absolutely...what I believe God wants for our family, most definatley. Do I look down on others for their decisions. I don't feel like I do. I may not agree completely or at all with them, but the fact is it's not my choice when it comes to their children unless their abusing them and causing undue harm (then it's my job to step in and contact authorities, etc).

Now to end this...it's been a good day! It really has. I LOVED bible study today, and although I was soo tired this morning I'm so happy I got up, got dressed, and went! I have booked my boys into the hourly care program for a shopping day out and a mother's night out....two days of free childcare with people I know love kids and I'll be able to get some things done that I want and do somethings for just me, which I think is also important!

God Bless