Jordyn

I've recieved some beautiful emails and ones that people are lovingly concerned that they might bring up hard memories because they mention cancer or death or funerals....so I thought I'd share my feelings and thoughts on this subject.

Jordyn's life was an amazing journey of ups and downs but through it all, she was this amazing and brave little girl, who had to be far stronger than most children her age. To this day, I'm still in awe of her strength and courage. God so blessed me with her. Looking at her pictures above I'm struck with these feelings of unworthiness. Knowing that for some reason GOD gave this beautiful child to me.

When I read about other's battles against cancer or the death, etc of course I think of Jordyn, but a good 95% of the time, my memory takes me to the happy days of Jordyn's life and there were so many MORE happy days than sad days. If Jordyn's story,which in turn is our story, can help someone else either giving them more knowledge on childhood cancer, AML leukemia, or give them compassion, or a glimpse of life through a family who's lost a child to cancer, for them to have more compassion when a family is having to say goodbye to their child (or loved one in general) then I'm doing good.

Whether we like it or not, life keeps going. That first year was AWFUL and the 2nd yr was really hard too. For me I had this new baby who I kept wondering what God was thinking giving to me, we sure didn't plan on creating him, yet there he was in our arms, and us loving him when we thought we'd never be able to feel that kind of love again (you know the love you have for your child). We struggled through the holidays and those "special" days her birthday and the anniversary's, etc. Every day brought something new for us learning to live without our daughter and learning to live again with our son.

We're now 5 yrs 6 months 1 day down this journey of living without our girl. It's not always easy, there are days that it feels like those horrible days after she died, that rawness comes rushing back, and the intensity is so strong.Yet most days it's a softer heart ache, it's always there, but it's not the focus of my days.

God's given me so much to be thankful for. He's given me peace that Jordyn's in heaven and that one day I'll be with her again. He's given me an amazing husband, who's strong and tender all at the same time and so brave! He's given me 2 beautiful sons. God has provided for our family time and time again. He's blessed me beyond my worth. I look at my life and it's definately not what I thought it would be when I was that wide eyed 18 yr old graduating from high school, and I'm so happy it's not what I thought it'd be...it's so much more!

Don't be afraid to talk about death, cancer, or funerals. It's part of life. Sure it's not what we want to talk about all the time and it can't be our focus 100% of the time, although for some it is a major focus of their life because of where they are, and that's how it's supposed to be for them at this point. Don't forget to look at what you do have though. Look at the blessings. Look at the beautiful things in life. Realize that with joy there's sadness. With anger this happiness. With sorrow there's tomorrow.

God Bless