The pounds will come off!

Well I started Weight Watchers over a week ago. This past Thursday I weighed in and lost 8.2 lbs! I am so beyond happy that I can do this! I need to lose weight desperately. I'm fat, there's no other way about it. I know that with my weight and height I'm considered obese medically. I feel it too. I'm tired, run out of energy far to quickly, and lose my breath so easily. As a mother of 2 toddlers, it just doesn't mix well.

I'm doing this for me, but also for my family. I want to be healthy most of all, I want to feel good about me, and of course I want to look good! I know to some a size 12 is big, but oh I'd LOVE to be down there again. I had some really cute jeans and expensive ones that are a size 12. I have never been able to let them go, smaller sizes yes, because I knew I'd just never get there again and if I did I deserved NEW clothes! LOL

I have 100 lbs to lose, so I'm now down to about 92 to go! I am hoping that with in a year if I'm not to my goal, I'm close. I could accept being with in 20-30 lbs of my goal in a year. That'd be a 70-80 lbs loss. I know it's going to take a lot of work, but I can do it.

I'd love for Chad to come home to a wife half the size he left her, feeling better about herself. I know the weight loss will not heal the hurt that is inside. I do know that I've been disliking myself for so long because of this weight that it'll help in that area anyways. The rest of it, is a lifetime of pain and longing for a little girl who I was blessed to have in my arms for 2 precious years. The rest of the pain is issue's with parents that I either have to learn to let go of, or settle completely for once and for all.

I'll keep you updated in my weight loss. When I've reached my goal, I will proudly announce my weight! I'm sure it's more than what other women would be happy with, but I know that my goal weight is a healthy weight for me and that with toning and working out, my body is going to look good! I'd love to be healthy and looking good when I turn 30! We'll be moving to Germany right before then, so to go over there being healthy and feeling great will be FABULOUS!

I'm hopefuly that when we get there I'll be as good as I was when we lived there the first time and go walking often again. I loved walking there. You could easily go on a walk and see at least 20 or more others out going for walks. We would go on 10 K marches too, I can't wait to do those again.

I know moving back to Germany will be so bittersweet, memories of living there with Jordyn, good and hard all wrapped up in one. Of course everyday is like that. :)

Ok, I'm finally getting tired. I am hoping I get to sleep in tomorrow since Chad's home. I have to go clean the church, but otherwise I hope to be outside with Chad and the boys most the day. I'll go clean during their naptime. Try to talk Chad into moving the living room around while I'm gone so I can get my scrapbook table actually set up and I can start scrapping every evening once the boys are in bed and hopefully during naptime too at least 2 or 3 times a week! I have a feeling I won't be here as long, once I get going! LOL