Birthday gift for myself!

Well I've been very overweight since Jordyn going through chemo and then dying, and 2 pregnancy's. I'm at my highest weight w/o being pregnant and I'm getting close to that weight peak everyday it seems...so action MUST be taken.

I HATE being fat. I am fat too. I'm 100 lbs over my ideal weight for my heighth, so I'm joining Weight Watchers! I have a friend from church who's lost 70 lbs with them and she said she'll be there to help me when I need her. Amazingly she looks so very tiny and not a bit of working out! I'm planning on doing the gym along with Weight Watchers (which I know they do recommend as well) so I'm VERY hopefuly that this weight will start coming off and maybe by the end of the summer I'll not be quit so embarrassed in a bathing suit. I've never stopped wearing a swimsuit, because I just like playing in the water with my kids far too much, but I wouldn't mind not feeling so embarrassed to be honest.

I'm ready to not be winded when chasing Jacob around the yard and I'm ready to be able to play that physical play that little boys love to do for longer than what I can right now, which just is not that long and DEFINATELY not long enough for Jacob's liking.

I am a Christian and proud to shout it from the rooftops and know that without Jesus's love and help I will not be able to do this. I'm not glorifying him in this body. I feel miserable so much of the time, there's a deep sadness that engulfs me at times, and although I'm not stupid enough to not realize a good deal of it's from Jordyn, there's also a sadness that I've allowed myself to become what I NEVER wanted to become...FAT. I know the girl who used to feel good about myself (ok I was conceited) is in there. I don't want to be quite so "big headed" over my body, just want to feel good when I look in the mirror and and feel GOOD in general.

So if you're reading this pray for me! I need your prayers. I've been in such horrible habits for so long, eating the wrong stuff, eating way too much of it, and finding an addiction to Pepsi/RC, that without the help of WW and your prayers, and having Jesus help me, I am not going to be able to do this.

Oh, on a side note, Chad's really excited for me. He's going to do this with me, he's not going to go the meetings, but he's going to learn the points system and not going to set me up for failure. He really needs to lose weight too. He can't work out like he wants to because his knee is really messed up and right now it's standing in his way of a much deserved and needed promotion..so pray for Chad too!

 

Ok, time for me to go to bed!

 

God Bless and Thanks! :)