Well I had written out a long entry about the memorial service and all of a sudden it was just gone. There are days I really really really dislike AOL, really dislike them. I will sum it up by saying it was just as emotionally raw as I expected it'd be. The hardest parts are when they do Roll Call. They call out a few soldiers names who are at the memorial service and then they call out the soldiers who were killed, they call each name 3 times, and they get firmer with every call. This is pretty well when anyone who's going to cry, starts. I cry easily anyways, and although there'd be tears before this...they started flowing good and hard at this point. Then the 21 Gun Salute, which this is my 4th memorial service to attend (3 from our last deployment) and I didn't attend the 1st death we had in our company earlier in the deployment (I was sick). Anyways the Guns sounded like they were just right at the windows of the Chapel, which most likely they pretty well were considering how the grounds are at the chapel....pretty well everyone seemed to jump,and more cries. Then Taps, again more tears.

I didn't know the soldiers, but it doesn't matter. The realities of these memorial services for us wives who's soldiers are still alive and over there are that we could be next. It's the realities of our life and this brings it up to the front of your mind whether you want it there or not. I know and I trust that GOD is Chad's shield and that Chad's in God's hand. I have great comfort in that the Lord is keeping him safe. I have great peace that Chad's a Christian and has accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. I know that no matter what happens, I will one day be with Chad...whether it's here or in Heaven. I obviously want him here, but this is just the way it is. I'm not feeling sorry for myself and I am NOT asking for pitty or anything like that. This is just the realities of a Soldier's wife's life. There is always that question of "Will he come home alive?" We don't know that answer, only God does...so the only way I am able to have peace in my heart is that I KNOW God has this taken care of and he knows the end of this chapter in our lives. I can't imagine how hard life would be to not have the comfort of Jesus and I truly ache for those who don't know him.

Now...I had/have a whole other entry I want to do and will continue on with that.

This is from a Devotional that I read every night, these are NOT, I repeat NOT my words...but they have touched me so I'm sharing them in hopes that they will also touch some of you.

From "Diamonds in the Dust: 366 Sparkling Devotionals by: Joni Eareckson Tada

"July 10" I want to Go Home

"But in keeping with his promise we are looking foward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of the righteousness." 2 Peter 3:13

After a week of fun-filled activities at a recent retreat, I listened as the microphone was passed from family to family, each tearfully sharing how wonderful the time had been. Some talked of meeting new friends. Others, of the games, music, and hikes. A few said how they wished the week could go on and on.

Then a little red-haired, freckle-faced Jeff raised his hand. He had Down syndrome and had won the hearts of many people at the retreat. People had been captivated by his winsome smile and joyful spirit. Everyone leaned forward to hear his words. Jeff grabbed the mike and kept it short and sweet as he bellowed: "Lets go home!" He smiled, bowed, and handed back the microphone. Everyone roared with laughter.

His mother told me later that, even though Jeff had thoroughly immersed himself in the week's festivities, he missed his daddy back home.

I identify wiht Jeff. The good things in this world are pleasant enough, but would we really wish for it to go on as it is? I don't think so. The good things in this life are merely omens of even greater, more glorious things yet to come. God would not have us mistake the world for a permanent dwelling. And I'm with Jeff. It's a good life, but I am looking forward to going home. I miss my Dad.

"Home is where your heart is." Never was a saying more true. For when Jesus captures your herat, you are then able to look forward to your home of rigteousness.

 

Lord of my heart, capture my affections this day and hold me fast with Your love. Turn my heart ever increasingly toward You and so I shall long for a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.

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Ok that's the end of that days devotional.I read this before I go to bed and pray on them. I set my last thoughts to be on the Lord before I drift off to sleep. One of my favorite songs is "Homesick". I look forward to the day I join my savior in the place that he's been preparing just for me. To think that he has many rooms to fill and one of those rooms is for me. What a gracious father we have, that he has taken so much time to prepare a place that will be perfect for me, that will be a place that I've never felt so much comfort in, that although I think I feel comfort in my home here on Earth, it's nothing compared to what Christ is preparing for us. He is waiting for us to join him. That is exciting to me, to think that he wants me in his house!

Two years ago Jacob got to be in VBS in our home church. One of the songs had a line that said "It's a big, big house. With lots and lots of rooms. It's a great big house. It's my father's house." We so often focus on what's going on in the here and now. I know I do, too much. Our focus can not just be on the here and now, we can't be stuck in what might have been(s), we have to stay focused on what Jesus is preparing for us. We should constantly be striving to be like Christ. We may fall down, but we get back up and keep trying. I know that every day I have to get up and start my day fresh. I have to set my heart on Jesus. One day I will be truly home.

 

"Lord I pray that you will comfort those who are hurting. That those who are searching for you will find you. That they will come to understand that you sent Jesus here to die for our sins. You know we sin and we must remember that sin hurts you and you hate sin. That just because we believe that Christ is your son, that he is our risen savior, that Christ is GOD...that we can not just continue to sin as we did before this realization. Lord we have to work every day to not sin. That we must continue to strive like you. We don't have to scream off rooftops "I'm a Christian", we have to LIVE IT. Lord you know I fail at this, and I'm so thankful that you forgive me for my sins and failures. I pray Lord that tomorrow will be a better day and that the day after will be better than tomorrow in your eyes. Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you want me in your house. Lord I pray that the families of the 3 soldiers who were killed on July 8, feel your comfort. I don't know how they feel and Lord I don't want to know. I pray though that they turn to you and allow you to hold them, love them, guide them through every painful day. Thank you our merciful Lord for your love and grace. In Your Holy Name...Amen"