loneliness

I'm tired. I am tired of drama in my life that I guess I am creating. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one in my life that I feel truly close to. I want friends to talk to late at night on my patio or in their yard, etc.

It seems I have lost a good friend tonight and I'm just numb. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I guess I suck at all of this. I have lost a few online friends or to be exact aquiantances, but tonight it was a FRIEND.

I'm the kind of person who needs to talk things out. I am also a fly by the handle person. I will most often email someone because it's easier for me than to talk to them, especially when it's something  possibly controversial.

I have had a headache for about 4 hrs now, it's starting to subside with the help of ibprofren. I am seriously thinking of taking a break from the computer all together for a week or 2, to get my head cleared and figure out what is wrong with me.

Maybe I'm at that "misery loves company" stage. I don't know. I didn't think I was, but maybe I am. I know I miss my husband more than any English words could explain. I know that I'm lonely on the level of day to day contact (outside of the internet world). I know that more often than not I can't share what's truly in my heart for fear of hurting someone that I care about.

I'm tired of walking on egg shells and people who I didn't think I had to walk on them around, have shown me that I was wrong.

I see now why some people become hermits. It's really much easier I think. To escape people and be alone with GOD. At this point just bring my husband home and let me be with my family and a couple friends and just clear my head and my heart.

I don't even know what else to say. I'm just so sad.....