Today's thoughts...

Well I didn't get a lot of sleep and the boys woke up (and me) at 8:30. This would normally would be a dream, but today not so much....Wednesday's are bible study day and I LOVE my PWOC days. I NEED this middle of the week, getting down deep, study GOD's desires for me, etc.

So with that, here goes something that I think about A LOT. I do NOT expect everyone or ANYONE for that matter to agree with me, but these are my thoughts and beliefs and honestly I do not care if anyone but Chad and God agree with me!

I am going to homeschool our boys. Now for how long I don't know, I have not started this yet, so I do not know how well it'll work out. I have 100% confidence as does Chad that at least for the first 2 or 3 yrs this is how we want to do this. Chad believes in me and in our boys that we can all do this successful. We have discussed that when he's home there will be subjects that Daddy will be the primary teacher (mathmatics and art) but there are times when Mommy is just going to have to do that!

Now with that said, I most definately don't expect others to agree (much less my own parents) and I don't expect everyone else to feel that God's placed it on their hearts to Homeschool, but we do feel this for our family. What really ticks me off though is when others think they have a RIGHT to add their 2 cents in on OUR decision, when in fact it's most definately none of their business. We have our own reasons WHY we're doing this and again we have NO reason why we need to explain those reasons, even though it seems many who do not agree think we OWE it to them.

Now you see the big thing is, homeschoolings not my actual rant today! LOL My annoyance is from some IRL friends over here in Germany that think they can and should question our decision NOT to send Jacob to preschool this year. He went last yr and he did enjoy it, yet it was a lot for a 3/4 yr old to go to school for 4 days a week 3 hrs a day, imo that was too much sometimes. Here they go 5 days a week for 3 hrs. I honestly have no desire to send my child off to a place where I hear parents DAILY tell me that "well they actually don't learn anything, it's more of a playtime"...so why would I willingly PAY someone quite a bit of money for 15 hrs of PLAYTIME???? That makes about NO SENSE to me. We are thinking about putting Jacob's name on the German preschool list, where they speak souly German, it is also more of a playtime, but he would be learning German andTHAT is VERY important to both Chad and I, and the benefits would be great. PLUS they're cheaper than the military preschool, he could go all day long or only an hour everyday, he could go once a week, twice a week..it's all up to me, and if he's not going to be there I don't have to call and inform them...and again the cost is less. Seems far more logical imho that if my child's going to be away from me during the week "playing" he be learning something that will hopefully stay with him for a lifetime to a degree at least!

So anyways, there's the vent. I don't understand why some parents feel it necessary to try to "talk" other parents "into" sending their child to preschool, public school, sports, etc..if that parent does not want to, has stated that fact VERY firmly, etc.

I feel very strongly that children need to be around other children that is not blood related. They need to learn to develop relationships outside of mom, dad, and siblings. I also believe that they do not need to go to school to do that...in today's world there are just so many other options for them to be socialized. My boys are very well rounded children, if I say so myself, very intelligent part of that is God-given natural intelligence, part of that is God-given "learned"! I have worked hard with my children to teach them things. I work hard in letting them play on their own, because it's NOT my job to entertain them 100% of the time. They must learn to play on their own, have their own imaginations, thoughts, creativity, etc. Are my kids perfect, my goodness no...I've yet to meet a perfect child and I'm afraid if I did I probably wouldn't like that child so much or would feel so my sympathy for that child and/or the parents I'd melt in tears.

What I know is that as a mother I have to do what I feel is best for my children. I listen to others, I read books, magazines, and the internet, I watch my children in what they are doing, what they are saying, etc, and most of all I seek GOD. He is the ultimate teacher and father. He knows my abilities so who am I to doubt him or question him? I already do enough of that and when I truly feel he's leading me in a direction that initially I was scared to death of, but that finally I'm starting to feel that I CAN do this and that I realize God will help me though it why do "friends" want to try and put doubt in there? I don't get it. I suppose they think they're helping.

So what brought this on you ask! Good question! LOL A friend of mine who's child is in preschool, but is a yr younger than Jacob brought me a letter because the preschool's getting a new teacher, she thought I might want to think about putting Jacob in there because the new teacher is someone I know and like. What she doesn't get is that it's not about "liking or not liking" the teacher. It's about the fact that we don't feel Jacob needs to be in preschool this year. I am THRILLED that I don't have to rush out the door at a certain time to pick up Jacob otherwise I'm charged a dollar a minute that I'm late. I like knowing that I get to watch my son learn new things daily. I love knowing that I am the one helping him learn to read, that I'm the one who gets to see that spark in his eye as he learns new words, as he learns that 4+4 is 8 (he did that today withOUT counting on his fingers!!). I love being a SAHM. My calling is to be a mom. It's not to work outside the home. This is where GOD wants ME to be. I do have a VERY hard time with this same friend tells me that she can't WAIT for her children to be older and in school so she can get a break and get away from her kids and have her own life. Honestly that statement stabs me in the heart, it breaks my heart into so many tiny pieces and I've heard it from so many other women and I just don't understand it. I can say "well it's because we lost Jordyn and know how precious this time is" yes that is part of it, but even without losing her, I knew how precious my time was with her. I LOVED seeing every moment with her. I loved hearing her first words, seeing her scoot for the first time, first smile, first steps..I got all those first with her, and there were so many more than I will never have with her. With my boys even at 2 and 4 there are still so many firsts to come and I don't want to miss them. I may miss some, but I think for the majority of them I'll get to see and experience those firsts in front of my own eyes. I am in no rush for my boys to grow up, not a single day. I love them as they are and cherish them. Do I get tired, of course I do. Do I sometimes count down the hours, minutes, SECONDS until they go to bed for the night..of course (especially with Chad deployed!)...but even on the worst days, of feeling like I just can't do this alone anymore...I can and I will and I'll love it. We get 18 yrs of them, by law we're responsible for them for 18 yrs, maybe they'll stay home a little longer maybe but who knows, what I do know is that given the average life span is OVER 70 yrs 18 yrs is not very much in the big picture, it's a moment...truly it's a very small moment of their life...but it's one of the most important "moments" and I don't want to spend it wishing it away. I don't want to spend it off at a job, "believing" that their first smile really came between the hours of 5-8 pm when we're home together and before they go to bed. I don't want a virtual stranger telling me they took a very woobly step, and honestly I don't want someone else to teach them to learn to read their first sentence...I want that. Selfish, absolutely...what I believe God wants for our family, most definatley. Do I look down on others for their decisions. I don't feel like I do. I may not agree completely or at all with them, but the fact is it's not my choice when it comes to their children unless their abusing them and causing undue harm (then it's my job to step in and contact authorities, etc).

Now to end this...it's been a good day! It really has. I LOVED bible study today, and although I was soo tired this morning I'm so happy I got up, got dressed, and went! I have booked my boys into the hourly care program for a shopping day out and a mother's night out....two days of free childcare with people I know love kids and I'll be able to get some things done that I want and do somethings for just me, which I think is also important!

God Bless

Sometimes don't you just feel blah? I'm sitting here wide awake, which is insane since I got up at 6 am and babysat a 2 month old until 3:30 and for 2 hrs this morning watched my friends little girl while she had a root canel done and then this afternoon for about 3 hrs watched my other neighbors 3 wk old while she went to apts and didn't want to have to drag him out in the frigid cold. I made GREAT money and seriously God really provided for us when we REALLY,REALLY needed it. I just feel so in awe of God and so unworthy of his love and grace and tenderness to me. For the first time I really and truly gave him our financial burdens. In the past Chad's always managed to take care of us, when we've gotten into a rut he's managed to get us out somehow...he's a provider and he's always done that for us. With him in Iraq I knew that I truly just had to give this to GOD and let him...how silly that I've never gave it truly over to him, because I've seen him take care of us in so many ways over and over, and I know that Chad's done this yet I personally have never said "Take this God, just take it"...never I guess had to, because Chad was the willing one. So I did and he provided. He provided above and beyond too. I was able to get groceries that will for the most part cover us for the next 3 weeks or more other than those few odd and ends and the fact that I LEFT my list at home (grrr) so I didn't get quite everything...yet walking out of the store I still had 30.00 left! Now are you seeing how awesome GOD provided for our family? In a big way and he did it pretty well all today..I watched the 2 month old the last 2 days, but monetarily he provided it ALL today and I just sat here today in shock and awe!

So now, why I feel so blah I really don't know. I know I need to do my bible study for tomorrow. I've just had 2 weeks, how foolish of me to wait, but it's very typical of me. I really need to stop doing this and spend far more time with the Lord daily, and not just in prayer but in his word.

I need to figure out something else for bedtime as well, the boys are really getting difficult, ok it's mostly Jackson. He's 2, so that really explains a lot of it doesn't it, yet it's so frustrating. I need to get the next book in The Chronicles of Narnia...because normally with in a few pages of the chapter he's out,  but well I haven't gotten it with money being tight, the books aren't a lot, but sometimes 10.00 I can use towards some food or gas or giving to church things that I just feel are more important than the book. Of course I could probably just check it out at the library, but that thought literally just crossed my mind. I guess because I had decided we'd just buy the series so we would have them and that over the years the boys could read them. Anyways, I just have to figure out something with the bedtime routine, it's not working right now and I'm getting very frustrated when 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 60 minutes later Jack is still getting out of bed, either running into my room to see our cat, getting up and just playing, getting up and sitting on the floor looking at a book, climbing up to the top bunk in with Jacob, which then gets Jacob going. Ahhhh, so frustrating. By the time bedtime comes around I really, really don't like to admit this, but I'm just ready for them to be in bed so I can have some quiet time alone. Oh I don't like how that sounds. I LOVE my children and love them being up and around me, but I know that with Chad being gone it just makes life a little more difficult.

Ok...tomorrow I plan on posting some new pictures, some more snow pictures (because we got more snow!) and some pictures of the boys in front of the CHRISTMAS (not holiday @@@@ that's a whole other post, but seriously it's just so beyond stupid I'm just oh it's just stupid!) Tree...it's their favorite place and daily ask to have their picture in front of it, both of them! It's so funny! Tonight Jack sat down in front of and said "picture, picture of me!" seriously how cute is that?!!

Ok, time to get going and read, then drift off to sleep.

 

God Bless

Robin's 5'er

Ok here's Robin weekly, answer these questions in YOUR journal and then link it back to  Robin's journal....the link to this partilcuarl entry all you have to do is click on the

"5er" below :) Have fun!!!

 

Now for the game. If you want to play all you do is cut and paste these questions into your journal. When you have answered them come back and leave a link in my comment section.  On the following Friday I will post your links and a new set ofquestions! Have fun!

1. Do you already have your Christmas tree up? If so when did you put it up? If not when will you put it up?

Yes! I put it up tonight!!!!

2. Do you have any particular theme when it comes to decorating your tree? Maybe you do all Disney ornaments? Only blue lights?  Tell us how you decorate your tree. Kudos if you have a picture and post it.

My tree is a hodge podge of everything! We have angel ornaments, Precious Moments, Angel Wings (those are all for Jordyn), we have various themes that seem to represent each of our boys that year, there's snowmen ornaments because I LOVE,LOVE,Love snowmen, there's ornaments that my mom got us every year and that last yr or the year before handed over, there's ornaments that represent Chad and I, and there's little red bows because they're pretty! :) AND! I DO have pictures!

  

 

3.  What is your all time favorite ornament? Only one.  Kudos again if you have a picture and post it. 

It's a goose that my friend Laura bought for us the first Christmas after Jordyn died...and I DO have a picture of it

 Goose is in the middle of Bob The Builder (Jacob's) and Jr of Veggie Tales (Jack's)...he's very realistic looking,and I know Jordyn would have LOVED him!

 

4. How many stockings do you hang and are any of them for pets? And...where do you hang them?  (Not everyone has a fireplace)

We hang 4...it matters where we hang them, we've never had a house with a mantle so it's normally been on a nail on the wall, but this year the window sills are big enough that we can hang them there.

5.  Tell us about one of your Christmas traditions.

Christmas Eve I spend it baking some favorite cookies, that I haven't made at that point throughout December! Sometimes I'll make buckeyes too.."Santa" has to have something to eat! LOL There's only going to be ONE Santa this year so we better be careful how much we bake for "him" this year (coughhercough)...we go driving around looking at Christmas lights once it gets dark, normally we'd go out to eat at Denny's afterwards, but I don't know what we'll do this year probably either go out to eat before hand or I'll have something simple to make once we get home (or before we go). We let the boys open up one gift, which is ALWAYS PJ's (yes eventually they're going to catch on to this and not look forward to it, but this assures that they have cute pj's come morning and picture time! LOL). Once they're in their new pj's and all has calmed down we bring out the bible and read about Jesus's birth. We then talk about What Christmas is REALLY about trying our best to stress that this is not about "them" but about Jesus! VERY IMPORTANT to us. Then it's off to bed and the REAL works begins! ROFL!! oh a few cookies get ate! lol

 

That's it! Now get to it...Santa Clause is watching you.  :) 

 

 

Winter is HERE!!!

                                                      

We woke up this morning to a ground covered in Snow!!!!! We've had tracings of snow over the past week, but this is enough snow that the boys and I will going out and actually playing in, hopefully making a snow man in, etc!!!! Yahoo! They were so excited and I am too! I LOVE snow! I love the beauty of it. I love the freshness of it, I love the smell in the air after a snowfall, I love hearing and seeing all the children outside enjoying it, I love the memories it brings up in me.

I can still remember one Christmas my brother making the biggest snow "man" ended up only being 2 balls because he was over 6 feet tall and they couldn't get the head up! ROFL! My brother was a little guy for years and years too, so to see him out there with such determination to make the biggest snow possible was funny!

I'll be taking pictures and will post some later!

"Let it Snow,Let It Snow, Let It Snow"!!!!

                                                          

As most of you know who visit here regularly we're an Army family currently stationed in Germany and loving it. I haven't shared a lot about what I consider extended family (my parents, inlaws, siblings, etc) my "family" is my husband and Children, everyone else falls under extended.

Well, today my extended family just sucks. I really don't like that word in general and it's not one I say outloud around my children and try not to say it. I don't consider it a cuss word, it's just not a nice word you know and I figure I'm a pretty smart girl, I can be more creative...but sometimes that word just sums things up.

At 8 am, Chad called to wish us a Happy Thanksgiving. That was a WONDERFUL surprise. He doesn't call very often, it's easier (and cheaper) to get online, plus then we get to see his wonderful face AND hear his voice (thank you webcams!)....that was the only phone call we recieved. Since we moved over here I've had friends call me from the states, Chad's mother has even called (let me tell you that's a HUGE gasp there), but my parents nope, not one single time have they called me. When Jack turned 2, I just KNEW they'd call, and t hey didn't. I was horrified, I mean it. It broke my heart that my parents didn't call. My mom is HUGE on appearances, loves to judge others, etc...well she failed big time. She can't even use being at work as an excuse not to call Jack, because his birthday fell on a Sunday this year, so there was truly NO excuse not to call. I've called them quite a few times, called earlier this month on my dad's birthday...because honestly I think that's what you should do...let them know you are thinking of them on those special days and on other days.

I'm done. I know it doesn't sound very Christian or loving. I just don't feel like I can open myself up for the hurt anymore. My mom emails and we "talk" that way. My dad's older brother is dying and they don't expect him to be here come Christmas, so I'm guessing instead of getting a curtiousy call that he's died, I'll get an email.

There are plenty of calling plans for overseas, especially Germany, they knew for quite a few months before we left and my dad had mentioned many times that they needed to call and find out who was going to be cheapest or what the rate, who knows if they did...even if they did it seems calling us doesn't seem to be a priority. I just don't understand and at this point I'm not willing to listen to any excuses.

When Chad was deployed last yr, we had a huge fight and didn't talk for 6 months. It's when I really need them, their support, they just suck.

It's no longer Thanksgiving here in Germany since it's now 12:01 am....so I'm feeling pretty unthankful to my parents for just being them and letting me down. I don't think I'll ever understand this and I'm really trying to use them as a learning experience on what NOT to do with my own children. I think for the most part the negative things I remember from my childhood, so far I've not done with my boys. None of us are perfect and I truly don't expect that. I guess I just expect MORE from them. I used to feel pretty close to my parents. I just have one sibling, my parents have been married for 30 yrs, I'm their only daughter. I gave them their first grandchild/granddaughter, I've given them their ONLY grandsonS....but somewhere along the way, I wasn't what they expected I guess. I got fat, I married Chad (who they like), but I moved away (which they don't like), I am my own person, I make them feel convicted because I'm very open with my thoughts and feelings, although I've been VERY careful to not be convicting (does that make ANY sense...it does to me anyways! LOL)...I don't know.

This is really just a venting post, and I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up in a better mood. We'll be decorating for Christmas in our home tomorrow! I'm excited about that already. I'm still not sure where I'm putting the tree at. I guess I'm going to have to do some rearranging. It'd help if we didn't have two computer desks in the dining area (our living room dining room is all one HUGE room), where the boys computer is...would be a PERFECT place for the Christmas tree, but there's no way I can move that desk it's quite heavy. I will most likely move the tv caddy corner and place the tree in front of the window. :) I guess I'm done for now...my head is starting to hurt, I SHOULD go to bed (huh Kelly...lol)

 

God Bless

November's Challenge:Thankfulness

I participated in Penny's NOVEMBER CHALLENGE 

I hope others participated in this as well and if not, do it for December!!! I thought I'd share my list!

THANK YOU Penny for doing this!

A challenge I made for thankfulnessYour thanks I asked, and nothing less Day by day I mentioned my ownHoping that  reap what was sown Here it is the already the twenty-third And many of you are readying the bird I'm doing that too, my friends, today. And counting the blessings along the way Below are your thanks as you've written to me.To have so many fills me with glee.   I hope you save this list of thankfulness.For the days when your life is just not bliss. Look at these things as gentle reminders. There's a way to be grateful if you take off your blinders. Happy Thanksgiving from my family to you. I love your words so faithful and true From Christy

1. I'm thankful I'm married to a man brave enough to fight for our country!
2. I'm grateful for my home, a place for my family and I to come into out of the cold and rain.  A place to feel comfortable and most importantly, safe.
3. I'm grateful that even in the rain I can go out and find joy and laughter and have fun with friends and my oldest son, while my youngest is being taken care of in safety and happiness.
4. I'm grateful for a wonderful retreat and most of all the blessing of hearing my husband's voice on the phone with him in the middle east and us safe in German!
5. I'm thankful that I'm part of an amazing women's bible study.  Women who are not afraid to really dig deep, discuss Jesus and share their testimony, even when it is sharing an ugly past, but showing just how Powerful, Almighty and Loving Christ is.
6. I'm grateful that my dad is still alive to celebrate his birthday, he had a brain aneurism 12 years ago and the surgery he had, he was the 3rd person in the world to have it.  He has minor weakness in his right hand because HE didn't do his physical therapy as he should have . . .but he's alive and well.
7. I'm thankful that my friend has invited the boys and I over for dinner tonight and that I am bringing home made banana bread for dessert!
8. I'm thankful that my boys and myself got to talk to my wonderful husband who is in Kuwait!  What a blessing technology is!
9. I'm grateful today that I have choices for internet providers and that I don't have to pay an arm and a leg for them, vs other countries who don't have many choices.
10. I'm grateful that I'm an American and even though I don't always agree with someone in our government, even if I said I disagree, I won't get thrown in jail or worse!
11. I'm grateful that with my husband deployed, we can talk online or the phones vs previous wars . . .technology can be an amazing thing!
12. I'm grateful that even though I've gained weight, it's possible to lose it and that I'm finally seeing that I AM worth it.
13. I'm grateful for the wonderful friends I've made and that they love Christ!
14. I'm thankful that I married a man who feels as strongly about not allowing smoking in our home or around our children as I do!
15. I'm thankful for good friends, who are willing to watch my children (I watched hers 2 days in a row!) . . .so I can do a little Christmas shopping.
16. I'm thankful for good friends who even in the states manage to stay in touch because of this lovely contraption. I've been blessed pretty well for as long as I can remember I've always had at least a few good friends.
17. I'm still in contact with my friends from high school.  I love those girls and always will and I'm thankful we still keep in contact.  Even though some of us have changed drastically, we still remember the girls we were and love them and love who each has become!
18. I'm most grateful for my freedom through Christ. I can imagine and know what life is like without Christ, it's limited, full of boundaries, fear, there's little to no grace, and so many questions, and most of all no peace.
    When I was in Kansas driving on Interstate 70 West of Topeka there on the side of a barn there's a verse and of course I can't think of what book it's from but this is what it say "No God, No Peace......Know God, Know Peace"
    I think it's from John, but not positive...but it's so true. Before we accept Christ there truly is no peace, with him there's a peace in my heart that I never truly knew before.
    Thank you Jesus. Thank you for loving ME so much that you were willing and DID DIE for ME.
    Tomorrow as I sit down with other wives who's husbands are in Iraq, I will be thankful that I KNOW PEACE. Thankful for a God-fearing husband, thankful we're raising to the best of our ability God-fearing children.

Easy Question of the week....

http://journals.aol.com/delela1/BlueSkiesandGentleBreezes/entries/1255

Dona has taken over for Kelly in the "Easy like Sunday Morning" question of the week...

Here's my question of the week.  Answer it in your journal and come back here and leave me a link in the comments.  I'll post your links next weekend and we'll start over again next Sunday.

Tell me.....

When you were growing up, what did you want to be as an adult and is that what you are doing now or did your ambitions change?

 

Ok my answer...I can remember for a few years wanting to be a doctor, now anyone who knows my complete dislike of math and I did not enjoy science/chemistry that much either...so yeah definately wasn't going to work out. I also (even during the dr years) wanted to be a teacher and that's stayed with me for years. My Junior year of high school I decided Child Psychology was the field I wanted to do, of course my freshman year of college proved to me that was NOT what I wanted to do. I didn't do any of those, well if I'm closest to any of them it's a teacher, but there's no degree to support that...I'm a mom. My ambitions changed completely when I became a mom and realized THAT was what I was MEANT to be.

 

If you decide to answer this please answer it in YOUR journal and then post the link in Dona's journal!