Today

                  

 

I didn't and have never and will never live in NYC. I didn't know anyone who died that day. We had friends who worked at the Pentagon and for me that attack was what hit me and terrified me the most. That building was and is a symbol of strength, power, and a part of who we are. We lived aprox 15 miles or so from the Pentagon and I can't tell you how many times we drove by it while we lived at Ft.Belvoir, I was always mesmorized by it, for those who've never seen it...it's huge.

I'm only one of thousands of Military Wives. I'm a SOLDIERS wife. I have sat at home faithfully for 4 deployments, 2 to fight in THIS WAR (and don't say it's not a war, because it absolutely is). I support my husband and WHAT and WHY he fights.

 I remember driving and hearing about the first crash as I dropped 6 month old Jacob off at my friends on my way to work (at a bank...I'd put in my 2 wks notice the day before). I got to work and the 2nd plane crashed, then hearing them say the Pentagon was hit made me hit my knee's. Chad was in Kuwait, actually he was on the border of Kuwait/Iraq this day 6 yrs ago. They were told what happened and were all taken into a safe zone...no phone calls out, America was under attack. They had as much fear for all of us as we did for them...so much was unknown, so much fear.

I sat that evening...holding Jacob, rocking him, nursing him as tears flowed down my face and my ear to the phone as my finger continued to push redial as I tried to get ahold of my friend Rebekah who still was at Belvoir. Relief when I finally got through to her to know she was ok, emails from other friends who were there.

 

 

                

 

 

Someone wrote something about not forgetting, I can only speak for myself when I say that's impossible. I don't have the "convience" of forgetting. I don't have the "luxury" of not thinking about this day the other 364 days of the year like others do...my husband's in the Army and we live the after-math of this, it's our life. If Chad's not deployed one of our friends is. Right now we're looking at deployment #5...and his 3rd trip over there.

 

 

                               

 

 

Do I wish that what Gen. Petreus said yesterday was different, well of course. I don't like my husband having to leave us for a year, well at this point we're facing 15 month deployments....but it's his JOB. This is what he trains for, this is the POINT of the US Military. The point of having a military is DEFEND and they're doing exactly that.

As the saying goes...Freedom isn't Free and neither my friends is SAFETY. As you sit in your safe homes today and this evening, as you write your posts on what this day means to you...remember all the American Military who's out FIGHTING for your ability to be free and safe in a country that through it's faults is still the GREATEST NATION in the WORLD and if you don't believe that, it's time to get your priorities straight. If you hate America...GET OUT. I see no reason for my husband to fight for your butt if you can't even be THANKFUL for the country you live in.

           

 

God Bless the USA
By:
Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away.

I'm proudto be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota
to the hills of Tennessee,
Across the plains of Texas
from sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston
and New York to L.A.,
There's pride in every American heart
and it's time we stand and say:

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A.

 

 

 

 

I won't ever forget....will you?

 

               

On a Much Lighter Note Tonight..Interview Me

I found me a new blog/journal to read it's: Deployment Journal and she's been playing the Interview me game. She sent me 5 questions which are the following:

 

 

1. What is your favorite thing about living in Germany? The travel opportunities! I love traveling and the fact that we live so close to so many wonderful cities right here in Germany but also so many other countries so close! Oh and did you know...Cech Rep. and Poland are looking to both open their boarders more to get more American's in and speed up things! (a friend of mine just went to CR and just waved her passport and they waved her on through!!!! )

 

2. What do you miss the most from the States? Convience of 24 hrs...WalMart or just later than 7 pm! I also miss Sonic! ROFL!!

 

3. Where do you hope to be stationed next? Well right here actually, but as far as moving goes the plan is to move back to Ft. Riley...Chad will be close to retirement and we'd like to buy our house and get "settled"!

 

4. What do you find the hardest about being a mother? Parenting during deployments. You're not a single parent, yet in many ways you are! It's a difficult balance especially the older the kids get.

 

5. What is something simple that will always make you smile? Seeing my children smile. I know...I LOVE to see my children smile, it melts my heart.

 

Ok...so if you want to play....all you have to do is leave a comment and say "interview me" and I'll send you 5 questions and you post them in your journal and answer them! Feel free to then interview me back!! :)

Home

                   

 

We had a great time at the retreat. There were 3 different sessions offered and Chad and I went to the Marriage one on intimacy. The main reason was the Chaplain who was giving it, but reality is, it's because it's where God wanted us. My heart has been harder than I realized and well lets just say Satan enjoys that and my horrible strong will needs to be broken and it started getting broken this weekend and I hope Chad's had as well. We have not talked like we really need to, about the things that for me opened my eyes and I could tell opened Chad's. I felt my heart get broken in to many tiny little pieces as Chad took a little survey that as the Chaplain said was an "evil, evil test" lol...it was created by wives to see where the husband is on doing intimant things for his wife. For us wives, I think we all know that roses and dinner is nice, but that's not the only way to be intimate...it's coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning the bathroom (without being asked to), taking out the trash, taking the kids and telling you to go take a bath, cleaning up the kitchen, calling you during the day for no reason other than to see how you are, say they love you, etc....each question was worth 10 pts....there was a possibility of 200 pts total...Chad scored a whopping 10 pts, although we later decided he could have another 10 for another question that although he didn't do ALL of the question he does all those things at different times...while he took it I felt myself sitting there with a HUGE lump in my throat, because these are all things I'd LOVE for Chad to do, but he doesn't. Of course us wives got rebuked as well by being told we can't hint, we need to straight out tell them what we want (which hey you all know I'm anything but quiet..I tell him, now I do hint as well, but I straight out tell this man things that I want, need, desire, etc...he still doesn't do them). I looked at him and said "maybe now you can see why I'm not always so happy" and he of course copped an attitude and said "it's a two way street", which just ticked me off of course and I was ready to leave right then and there. I didn't, but I sat there instead with tears in my eyes..because for that moment it was supposed to be about how he could bea better husband and he made sure to turn it around on me and how I am failing him as a wife. We BOTH have a lot of places we could and NEED to improve, but he simply didn't get it and at that moment didn't seem to care either. We haven't been even cross with each other about it since....but it still hurts. I know Chad's a great husband and he does so much more than it seems most husband's do, and I guess I'm either A. Selfish, rotten, horrible wife who's just nothing but a demanding wench or B. Have high expectations because he does do those things without question and then when I do need him to do other things it's a fight. I know I have nothing or very little to complain about, yet I have a lot that I do complain about. Go figure...but anyways that's not all I want to talk about. The point is that I learned a lot...about myself and how I can improve on being a Godly Wife and I WANT to and I WILL do it. Please be in prayer for me as I know Satan will be throwing everything at me to prevent this and I'm stupidly stubborn so my own will, will be going against me as well!

Saturday after the seminar, Chad told me to go downtown with friends and our babies, and shop (gave me some extra spending money on top of what I had...wahoo!), and he said that he'd go get Jack after lunch (he was at the CDC center and btw had a GREAT TIME and ate lunch there..he had Chicken Noodle soup and Peaches! LOL He told us this multiple times! ROFL!!), Chad got him and took him swimming and out to the hot tub! ;) Jacob was at Kids Day Out so he didn't return until 4:15 and he had a great time too. So anyways..Emma and I went downtown with friends and had a good time! Here's Emma and I with a Pink Cow, don't ask me about these because I honestly don't get it...but in Garmisch and Munich they have these cow statues all over, I need to do probably oh 5 minutes of research and find out what the story is with the cows!!

 

We had fun, went to one of my favorite stores there Kathe Wolfhart's! It's just such an awesome store..they're throughout Germany!! I bought me a couple Christmas ornaments, a Snowman Tealight holder, and a sachet that smells of cinnimon and apples (very Christmasy!) mmm! LOL That night we went out to eat with our friend Bobbie and we had Mexican!! I mean GOOD Mexican! Oh man, there was a ton of food, we left there with 8 containers of food and it all went bad the hotel only has those tiny fridge's and of course we couldn't at the time find anyone to eat it!

So today was check out day. We were standing talking to friends and I look up and saw Chad's old 1st Sgt, his wife Danielle and I talk all the time online, they're stationed about 3 hrs from us, we've just not managed to hook up! So I see Tommy walking towards us and there she was! I ran over to her and we hugged and both of us got teary eyed! I couldn't believe this is where we finally met up! Tommy's getting ready to deploy, so it was great to see him before he heads out! He told us to make sure to go visit Danielle even if he's not there! :) Which I had already decided we were going to do!! Once we saw each other it was like no time had been lost. The last time I saw them was when I was pg with Jackson!! They left Ft. Riley I think it was June 2003!! Of course we've both seen pictures of each other, but goodness her boys are so big. Their oldest is a Senior this year and her youngest is in 8th grade, to think that when we met (in 2001) her youngest was just a year or two older than Jacob....it's just hard to believe!! Time goes by so quickly. That was definately the highlight of the day. Of course we find out that they got down there on Friday too, they're staying until tomorrow...but we chatted for about an hour, hugged, wished Tommy a safe deployment, and promised to visit each other...we MAY get to see each other next weekend. She thinks her boys football game is down by us so if it is, after the game they're going to come see us! Works for me!!

Oh Danielle took a couple family pictures for us out in front of Edelweiss...let me just say that Jack did NOT want his picture taken...I think it's well "priceless" and I was smiling through it all..! LOL

Doesn't he look HAPPY?! ROFL! He was ticked, but he was in the pictures! He ran off after that and declared he'd have NO MORE pictures! LOL Funny thing is...later in the day he was requesting we take pictures of him @@@ Oh the tempermental age of 4! Don't think he got away with that fit though...because we went and had a nice long talk and he was off and on Mr. Attitude throughout the weekend and most of all today, sowhen we got home..he got a spanking and he knew what for, because we talked before it and after it...he apologized. I'm not in denial that it won't happen again, but that attitude is not ok.

 

Ok so...after we left Edelweiss/Garmisch we had decided to go somewhere that I've wanted to since moving back to Germany. We went to Dachau Concentration Camp. Jacob is 6 1/2 and on tv here they have done documentaries on Hitler, on the Nazi's (SS), on WWII...so although he does not know all the horrors, he knows some of it. He understands that Hitler was a cruel and evil man, that he had people inprisoned in the concentration camps, and ultimately had many killed. He's not seen pictures, doesn't know the how's or really any of the why's, just enough to answer the questions of a VERY curious and intelligent boy, who's heart is so big and compassionate. I think in ways this gave him a bigger understanding of things and more questions on others. Jack was completely oblivious to all of it and just wanted to run and for me to take his picture (yeah...so not the appropriate place @@ little stinker). We avoided the museum because friends had told us there were pictures in there that they knew were not suitable for either of the boys to see, especially Jacob (they know him well). I did my best to be honest and answer questions, but to keep things age appropriate (although is that possible at a concentration camp?). Chad and I plan to return there without the boys. We did skip like I said the museum which not only has pictures but also a 22 minute movie that's not suggested for children under the age of 12, so I know it'll be very difficult to watch, and of course we couldn't really look at everything as long a we wanted since mostly Jack's attention span is about as long as a knats, which really was ok, and we didn't go see other parts, because we were all getting tired, my feet were killing me, and it was getting late and we still had a 3 hr drive ahead of us, and Emma had stinky diaper and needed fed.

I am going to share the pictures I did take. Chad and I barely talked at all throughout the tour. I do want to share one thing...the billets that the prisoner's lived in...were 10 meters wide by 100 meters long. They have reconstructed two of them and they have one of them opened for the public to walk through. I think most of us have seen the movies and you think you have an idea of how small all of it was...but let me tell you until you see it,you just don't understand just HOW small the bunks were. Also I did not realize this, but they had to keep them spotless. It's really not surprising though is it. Some of the bunks had slats and if the slats were not perfect and one of the guards was in a mood, drunk, etc and came in and striped the bunk and found that the slats were not exactly as they were to be...they one who the bunk was assigned to would be punished...the punishment was being hung by the arms for an hour. None of us will EVER know the true travesty they went through. Today I got a glimpse, but even still...it's just that, a small peak in.

There are rows where the foundation is down...there's 30 of them...it's where the former bunks were, they're now filled in with rocks, but the cement foundation is still there. There are also now religous memorials on the grounds. One is a Jewish memorial, one is a Catholic, a Protestant, and a Russian Orthadox. I also went through the crematorium. It was horrible. Chad and the kids sat outside on a bench. The area around it has been made into beautiful gardens which I would have taken pictures of to show the contrast, but my camera batteries were quitting.

Oh one last bit of info and then the pictures....Dachau was made to hold 6,000...but ended up with over 30,000. 5 times it's limit. It was much larger than I even imagined, and it was the first Concentration Camp. If you are ever in Germany or are living here...I do think it's a place you should go to. It's a part of history, an ugly, sad,  horrible part...but a part none the less. As an American it was some place I never thought I'd be close to honestly. As a Soldiers wife, both of my grandfather's were in the military..my maternal was in the Army and was actually stationed here in Germany he was stationed an hour from me and actually came to where we're at to visit". My paternal grandpa was in the Navy. Chad's Maternal Grandfather was in WWII, and was all over Europe. We have his canteen and he carved into it every single place he was at, he spent a lot of time in Belguim and Germany and France. Chad's pretty sure he went to one of the concentration camps as a liberator, but on the canteen (which is right in front of me) it does not say Dachau and he does not have Munich on it. Chad is going to ask his Grandma if she knows which one. Let me tell you though...there were pictures of when the American's came and liberated Dachau and I had tears coming down my face. To know that they'd been praying for someone to save them, and it was the American's. I had goose bumps through the tears.

 

 Guard Tower

 

 

 

 Arial view of the camp...see how large it was...

 

This is called the "Jourhouse"

 

 

 View of one of the reconstruced bunks from the Jourhouse

 Another view

 

 

 

 

Dachau was started in 1933 and America liberated it on April 29, 1945..this momument was so emotional for Chad and I both. It was hard to look at and hard not to look at and even harder to walk away from. In case you can't tell this scupture is of the bodies of the prisoners.

 

This holds the ashes of unknown prisoners...

 

 some of the bunks they slept in

 

 more bunks

 The prisoners lockers, there of course were not enough for all of them.

 

 There's only a section of this left, but it's the barb wire that went around the camp to prevent them from escaping...

 

 If you look up close you can see the cement foundation (see Jacob's finger pointing) the rock fills in where the building/living area was to the other side (10 meters) where it ended...trust me it was NOT big and when you think of how over crowded it was...just mind boggling.

 

 Jewish Memorial

 Part of the Catholic Memorial

 Other part of the Catholic Memorial

 

 This is a rock just before you get to the newer of the crematorium's...

 This is it...The 2nd door is where the cremators were, the 3rd door was the gas chambers (which in this particular  building was never used for the mass murders), the first door was where they had bodies.

 

 

I KNOW this is ending on a sad note...but we can't forget this. This is not maybe your past or my past really...but it's all of our pasts as humans. The people who lived in the City of Dachau simply turned a blind eye to what was happening in their own backyards. After the war, all the citizens were MADE to walk through the camp and SEE what had happened there. I think personally they got off light. Ignoring something like this made them just as guilty in many ways. I know there was a great deal of fear and I do NOT discount that...but because of it over 20,000 people died in just THIS concentration camp in 12 years. 20,000 people who had been doing nothing but living their life when they were loaded up like cattle into trains and transported to their city, who were beat, hung, starved, barely clothed, worked like slaves literally, shot, gassed, etc. They did nothing. For too long America did nothing as well, but when we were attacked we stood up and said no...the people in Dachau didn't and because of it over 20,000 died. These are lessons we as American's need to remember today. Don't think this kind of evilness no longer exists..it does if not in even worse capacities. Satan has a strong hold on this world, and he's using Terrorism and fear.

Tomorrow morning as Jacob and I start his 1st day of 1st grade one of the things we'll be talking about is what we did today. I wanted him to have some time to digest things and will be seeing what questions he has, filling in blanks as I find appropriate, and seeing where he'd like to go next as far as learning this and what he'd like to learn next. I also want to use this experience as biblical lesson, because God is our focus and he must be our main focus for school to be successful. Jack will also be starting school tomorrow...preschool curric. He's especially excited! He has a different learning process than Jacob and so I'll be learning how to teach him as well!

I have to get to sleep now. Chad took a 4 day weekend so he'll be home to help out tomorrow. I'm going to let him take on Math with Jacob tomorrow, and I have of course laundry to do, to fold, and put away, and we're going through the boys closests and pulling out clothes to get rid of, pack up, and make room for winter items.

Leaving for the weekend

 

              

 

 

Our chapel is hosting a retreat for our community down in Garmisch at Edelweiss, and we are going! They have childcare for Jack, Jacob will be in a program the resort offers for older kids, and Emma will of course stay with us! The sessions will only be about 1 hr each day, the rest of the time is free time! We're looking forward to it, it'll be so nice to get away and we LOVE going down to Garmisch and Edelweiss.

 

 

                   

 

We'll of course take pictures so I'll share them when we get home. We'll be home sometime on Sunday, depending on how tired I am I may post Sunday, otherwise it'll be Monday! Have a great weekend!!

 

 

 

First Smiles and memories

                          

 

Yesterday, Sept 3..Emma turned 1 month old. I can't believe she's been here for a month, yet at the same time I think she's ONLY been here a month! It feels like she's been with us forever in so many ways, she just fits so perfectly into our family. I LOVE all my children and I've wanted each of them in different ways. Many of you know that Jacob was probably the most unexpected of all our children, yet showed me and Chad for that matter that we really COULD love another child, again after Jordyn died. Most of you just simply don't know the fears I had during my pregnancy with him, Kelly was privy to those late night honesty-full of fear confessions as was my best friend Tami...but now 7 yrs later it's hard for me to really describe that time in our lives. Grief is far more complicated than any of you can understand, unless you're going through it yourself and grieving the death of your child is different than grieving for a parent, spouse, sibling, etc....it's like comparing Apples to Oranges...neithers better or worse (well ok I DO think the death of a child is the WORST kind, but well that's what I've experienced)...they are drastically different though.

                     

                                 Jacob feeding the fish at our local lake

Anyways...so back to my children. Jordyn was our 1st and we'd just decided to stop "trying" rofl..(said the ignorant newlyweds..giggling..as if there was EVER any "stopping"! ROFL) anyways...you get my point...literally we decided we were going to "Wait" to have a baby for a couple years, since we were about to move to Germany the following year and thought we'd start trying the last year of our time in Germany...HA! I was pg the following month! I desperatedlywanted Jordyn. I DREAMED of her, and when I say that I really mean it. God gave me a gift of a dream of what she'd look like at a year old and it WAS Jordyn. I physcially ached during my pregnancy to hold her. She was EVERYTHING I ever dreamed of and MORE! Most if not all of you know the rest of the story so to speak, for those of you who don't...to sum it up and I mean sum it up big time...6 days before she turned 1 she was dx with AML leukemia, and 14 months later she went home to Heaven. There was A LOT of living in those 14 months, so don't take it lightly and don't think I'm being callous or harsh, you can go back and read, or go over and click on the links to her websites and read more..tonight I simply don't have the energy and it really does take that to share it all when typing.

              

                       Jordyn after she got into my lipstick! :)

Jackson was our first child we really "tried" for. It took us two months, not long I know, but we were sooo absolutely thrilled when we got the positive results. He's been such a gift to our family. He's all boy, full of orneriness, and him and Jacob are great friends! He just turned 4 and that just simply does not seem possible. I look at his chubby little thighs and still see some "babyness" in him. He still loves to crawl on my lap and cuddle, although he will sternly tell anyone who gets it wrong that he is NOT a baby, he is indeed a "big boy". He'll ALWAYS be my baby boy though! (even if God would give us another boy! LOL) He made Jacob a big brother and allowed Jacob to finally know what it's like to have a living sibling, and now that He's a big brother...it's like he was created to be just that. He LOVES being a big brother to Emma and oh I look forward to the years to come! :)

 

 

                     

                                     Jackson a couple days ago :)

 

Emma though...again this is a Kelly thing...she KNOWS how much I've wanted a daughter. I've not even had to say it in so many words, because she knows me so well she knows how desperately I wanted a girl when we found out we were pg with Emma. Ok so she knew BEFORE I got pregnant how much I wanted a girl! I PRAYED for Emma. I mean got down on my knee's, wept, begged, I longed for a daughter. My heart literally ached for HER. Now don't think I didn't want my others just as much...I just, well I can't explain it. I knew simply put that if I told God the desires of my heart, as he tells us to, that he'd give it to me. I told him the desires of my heart...over and over again. I wanted there to be no question about it! LOL God KNEW I wanted a girl...he KNEW I wanted Emma! God blessed with her, he heard my prayer. Now had he given me a Jonah..I know he'd have heard my prayer as well, but would have known it was not TIME for Emma yet...but well it WAS time for Emma! Next time who knows. Yes I did just write that..next time. We leave this in God's hands and I don't doubt we'll have more children. I would LOVE to have another child, I'd LOVE to have another daughter...but girl or boy...that child will be just as loved and wanted as our other 4! BUT I'm in NO RUSH! Trust me...I have the baby I've had baby fever for the last 2 almost 3 yrs!! :) I'm good for a good 2 or 3 years and figure between nursing, God, and the Army I SHOULD be safe to actually develop baby fever again before God blesses us that way once again! :) I can BE a patient woman! LOL

 

 

                

                                                        Emma smiles

Anyways....with all that blabbering and even a little blubbering on my end...God's blessed me 4 times over, well actually 5 times counting Chad. Yes he gets on my nerves, but he's still such a blessing in my life and I KNOW that! He can drive me up the wall, but I wouldn't want to be driven up the wall by any other man! :)

 

 

                    

 

 

Thank you all for your prayers, love, support, and joy for our family with the arrival of Emma! As I began, yesterday Emma turned 1 month old and as the title of this says..."first smiles" Emma gave us her first REAL smile yesterday. Chad was taking pictures of her (she was in my arms) and I gave her a kiss, and she smiled so big, and he was able to snap it while she laid her head down on my chest! She has the most beautiful smile and knowing I'll be seeing more and more of that smile, well I just love it!!!! Time goes by too quickly when you have children. I hope if you have them, you treasure every moment with them, that you don't take them for granted, that if they have good health you don't take it for granted and you don't put their health in danger by choices YOU make, that although they may drive you crazy, remembering that once they are all grown up you'll miss the days when they're younger, etc. These are fleeting moments and we'll all blink and they'll be gone.....if we could only slow down time just a little.

 

                          

              Being the Kansas Girl that I am, I LOVE this tag...Thank you TerryAnn!!!              

 

Sunday Ramblings

 

 

                      

 

Ok so I let Jacob play on the computer this morning and now when I go to any aol journals the font is like 8, it's so stinking tiny and that includes my own! I have the font on this right now set at an 18, and it looks like a 10...so since all of yours are normal my font will seem huge to you compared to the normal 12 I normally use! :)

 

 

                    

 

We had church this morning. Now being an Army family, living in Germany we go to the chapel on post (this is the only place we've ever gone to post chapel and when we move back to the states we'll return to our home church aka NOT a Army chapel!). With the Army chapel we have a head chaplain who normally does the preaching, then we have various other battalion chaplains who are assigned to a particular unit/battalion and if they want to and if the head chaplain's good with it, they may preach periodically. Well our Battalion recently got a new chaplain and he's so great. Not only is he just really nice, friendly, down to earth kind of guy, who's wife is just as great..he knows how to preach! Sorry to say I don't enjoy our head chaplain when he preaches. I want give it to me, make me feel convicted if that's what God's got planned for me, tell me how it is, don't hold back any punches, no fluff/make me feel good about myself preaching. I want the TRUTH. For those of you who know the bible you know that there's really not a lot of "feel good/warm and fuzzy" stories/sermons coming from it. It's rather offensive and it's anything but politically correct, and it's not what I'd call a seeker friendly book! It's the truth and there's no other way about it. Our head chaplain gives a very watered down, seeker friendly sermon week after week. He puts on annoying little skits that the first couple of times in chapel make you laugh (mostly because they're so absolutely corny and rediculous) and then they just become annoying and make you feel like you're 3 and being preached to. Not exactly what I want and definately not what I need from church. You see I know that quite often I need to go into church and get my attitude adjusted, I need to feel the wrath of GOD condemning me. Oh yes, you see I want to be disciplined and since there are Sunday mornings when I'm anything but a happy, kindly Momma and wife, much less Child of God I need to go in there and be chastised vs swaddled. Well our new chaplain has been preaching for the last few weeks and this morning he slapped my hands and sat me in a corner, I looked at Chad and said "yes I know this is for me and my hands HURT". Oh yes God grabbed me, shook me and told me to "LISTEN RIGHT NOW CHRISTY". I heard him, I asked for forgiveness, and I also recognize what I was doing this morning before going into church. What is that you ask? Well I was yelling at my husband, yelling at Jacob, popped Jacob for something that did not deserve a popping for, and was just ultimately in an ugly mood...that is until we pulled into the parking lot and I got out of the car, took Jack's hand and he joyfully went to childcare (he's refused to go in there for a couple months now and today he WANTED to!!) and then I turned on my big ole happy face as I entered the sanctuary. Hypocrit you say, absolutely I was. I was being completely 2 faced....to save face to my friends who attend chapel, because I know a few of them at least would kick me in the butt if they knew the way I behaved this morning and somewhere down inside of me I stupidly thought I could "food God" HAHA! As IF he didn't see the way I was behaving this morning.

                     

 

So...the chaplain literally talked about how we can go from the screaming, raging crazy person in the car and open the door to go into church and we plaster that smile on our face, wrap our arm lovingly around the one we were just raging AT, and pretend we're just as happy as a lark! Oh yeah it was a kick in the butt kind of sermon for me and I left there sore...but I needed it.

 

 

                 

 

What always amazes me when we have a chaplain who's willing to preach God's word and not water it down, is how often it grabs my heart, often slaps my hands, and when I walk out I'm desiring to read his word more, learn more, find more truths, and yes have my butt kicked even more! It's tiring. It's what I need. I don't think that seeker friendly sermons or churches do anyone any good, except for fill them with falsehoods that if they start studying the bible themselves, will fall to the waste side and they'll be in for the shock of a lifetime! IMHO. (Hence I'm NOT a fan of Rick Warren and our head chaplain went to college with him, they were friends in college...coicidence I think not!)

 

 

                

 

 

So...here I am humbly to state that I fall down daily, I let God down over and over and over. I am grieved over the fact that daily I do something that causes Christ grief. That in and of itself is heartbreaking and then to know that it's not just me, but well everyone, because none of us are perfect. That is a fact. The big question though is are we seeking perfection in Christ's eyes? If not, why? If so..how's it going?

 

                 

 

Something else that has been on my mind is, am I as gentle and forgiving with my own children and husband as Christ is with me? My answer...no. So....I'm going to work on changing that. I need to be as gentle with them, as forgiving, all the while being a good disiplinarian to my children, a good, respectful, obedient (yep I just wrote that), and loving wife to Chad. I've been lacking in my morning prayer time and it's time to get back to that. My days simply went better when I spent time with God before my day actually began. I don't like mornings, but well me liking something doesn't really matter...I need to do this for God, myself, and my family. I'm a better Christy, mom, and wife when I do. If I get my day started off right, it's going to end up better at the end of the day. Does it meaneveryday is going to be smooth, always happy, etc...no but it means that it's GOD's DAY vs Christy's and that's how every single day should be for all of us!

                    

 

Well, Chad's working on putting the boys beds back into bunk beds so I should get off of here and be ready to help him if he needs me to!

 

 

 

Lazy Saturday

Here's some pictures from yesterday and I'm even throwing in a few of Emma! She was exactly 4 weeks old yesterday, is that possible? She's one of those babies that just feels like she's been here forever, she just fits so perfectly with our family, it seems like an odd dream that 4 weeks ago we were just meeting her.

 

            

 

Today's a lazy day! It's grey and hazzy and has been raining off and on. Chad went and picked us up BK for lunch. I actually don't like BK, but well we don't have many choices here and when being lazy and not wanting to make anything for lunch and needing to go grocery shopping..beggars can't be choosers! We've been watching tv, playing video games, and just cuddling together. I actually got to sleep in until 10 this morning. I was so exhausted last night, that when I signed off of here I went and passed out in bed and didn't wake up until I think it was about 1 or 2 am when Chad came in with Emma (they'd been snoozing in the living room in the glider!) for me to nurse her. I nursed her and then back to sleep we all went. I am not positive what time Chad and the kids got up, but he took Emma with him when he did and let me sleep on. I know I nursed her before they got up prob. about 7 is my guess...but those extra hours of sleep felt so good! Right now Emma is snoozing on me.

I need to get some cleaning done, bad! I need to get dishes washed up, laundry put away and of course there's always plenty to wash, our  bed sheets need pulled off and clean ones put on and the rest of the bedding needs washed! Oh speaking of bedding..in the pictures are a couple of the boys in Jack's bed with Jack's new bedding he got for his birthday! He loves them!! :)

Ok, well I'm heading off of here!